A to Z April Challenge Reflections

reflections a2z 2015

I did it. My very first Dublin Housewife blogging challenge. Twenty six days of posting conversations…mostly with Jimmy. He didn’t know, but I told him last week after we had a few scoops by the pool. I’ve been away on me alcoholiers in Benidorm so sorry for not hooking up with fellow bloggers all week. I’m going to spend the weekend catching up with all I’ve missed, now that I’ve finished all the washing and ironing.

Sure what else would I be doing with the state of that weather. It’s bucketing down. It feels like another lifetime since I was lying by the pool sipping penis coladas.

I just want to say how much I’ve enjoyed this challenge and it has been great to meet fellow bloggers and read all of your posts. They were all so different. I hope you enjoyed mine. I was delighted with all the feed back. Jimmy was getting a bit pissed off with me at times tho’ before he knew what I was up to. ‘Are you ever off that bleedin’ laptop?’ says he. ‘Are you writing a book or wha?’

Now there’s an idea!   🙂

See yiz all later . xxxx Bernie

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Zodiac

Z

  • Will I read your horoscope Jimmy?
  • For what?
  • So you’ll know what’s in store for you today
  • I already know what’s in store for me today
  • You think you do
  • I know I do. I’m going to go to work, come home, have me dinner, watch a bit of telly, go for a pint, come home again, go to bed and go to sleep. I don’t need some aul one in a magazine telling me any different
  • It’s not some aul one, it’s Mystic Maura
  • Mystic Maura? Is that the best she could come up with?
  • That’s her name. Maura Maher. She predicts the future
  • Predict my arse. I plan me own future
  • But there could be forces at work that will conspire to get in the way of what you’re planning
  • Have you been out with Geraldine again?
  • No;why?
  • Because you’re beginning to sound like her
  • Your future is in the stars Jimmy
  • Ask me swiss roll Bernie. Me future is being late for work if I sit here listening to anymore of this shite.
  • You wouldn’t think it was shite if it came true
  • Next thing you’ll want to ‘fix me aura’ or ‘align me chackras’ like Geraldine does everytime she calls over with Anto
  • Fuck off Jimmy. I only wanted to read your horoscope
  • Ah for jasus sake go on then, hurry up
  • It says here that your fortune is due a turnaround
  • What the fuck does that mean?
  • You could be about to come in to money
  • I’d better go to the bookies on the way to the pub then Ber
  • I thought you didn’t believe in hososcopes?
  • Who am I to mess with the stars Bernie?
  • It also says to take your time with any adjustments in your life
  • I won’t book the Bahamas as soon as I collect me winnings then. I’ll wait ‘til the weekend
  • …listen to your dreams, they will lead the way
  • I’m dreaming of a nice creamy pint right now Ber, does this mean I should go to the pub instead of going to work then?
  • Oh get out to work Jimmy, you’re getting on me nerves now
  • What does your horoscope say Bernie?
  • It says be wary of gobshites
  • Ah here Bernie, leave it out
  • No, you’re always slagging me
  • I am not. I just don’t believe all that mumbo jumbo
  • It’s only a bleedin’ horoscope
  • No one can predict your future Ber
  • It’s just a bit of fun. I like reading it
  • I don’t know why. You only believe it if it ‘s good news. When it’s bad you say it’s a pile of shite
  • I do not
  • You do so. Life isn’t like that Ber. You have to take the bad with the good
  • Well the bad news is you were right about being late for work
  • Ah for fuck sake, look at the time
  • The good news is, I’ll see you later
  • Is that a threat or a promise?
  • It’s whatever you want it to be
  • Ooh saucy, am I on a promise then Ber?
  • It’s written in the stars Jimmy
  • I’ll be home early then
  • I bet you will, ye dirtbird

Who knows what the future holds  🙂

Young

Y

  • Would you like to be young again Jimmy?
  • I am young
  • Younger then
  • Like a teenager?
  • Yeah
  • No way
  • Why not?
  • It’s all too much trouble Ber
  • How do you mean?
  • All that hanging around with your mates. Chatting up girls, trying to look cool
  • You do that every Saturday night down the pub Jimmy
  • I do not. I have a few pints and a chat with the lads, that’s all
  • Yeah right. I’ve seen you lot eyeing up the young ones
  • No harm in looking Ber. I’m not dead yet
  • As long as you just look
  • Are you jealous?
  • Of what? Sure it’s not as if they look back at you
  • That’s harsh Bernie. I could still pull the birds
  • You’re for the bleedin’ birds Jimmy
  • Do you not think I could?
  • Of course you could, down the old folks home maybe. Plenty of aul wans looking for a toyboy to push their wheelchairs
  • Fuck off Bernie. I’ve seen young ones looking at me
  • Ye, wondering why some aul lad is leering at them
  • I’m not an aul lad. I’m in me prime  and I think you are jealous
  • You love yourself
  • I do not
  • You do. If you were a bar of chocolate you’d eat yourself
  • I can’t help my animal attraction Ber. It’s just as well I’m not as young as I was, sure jasus the young ones would maul me
  • Oh they would Jimmy; they would
  • What about you Ber. Would you like to be young…sorry , younger again
  • I’d love it Jimmy. Out with me mates every weekend, having a few scoops, dancing the night away into the early hours
  • Ha,you talk about me. You do that anyway
  • Not every weekend Jimmy, and I do be wrecked the next day. When you’re young you never get tired. I used to be able to go all night and still be up  early to do a full days work
  • Me too Ber. Remember we used to come home with the milkman
  • I remember having a sore arse from sitting on the glass bottles on the back of his float
  • Those were the days Ber. I suppose it would be nice to be younger again; maybe just for a night. Re live our youth
  • Would you go on the pull with your mates?
  • Ah sure I’d have to
  • Are you serious?
  • Yeah, I’d have to see if I could still pull the best looking bird in Tamangoes nightclub
  • What about me Jimmy?
  • I’m talking about you Bernie
  • Ah, you’re  just a big romantic  at heart
  • I told you I still had it Ber
  • You sure do Jimmy

Ah sure I’d be lost without him all the same  🙂

X Factor

X

  • That Simon Cowell is an awful gobshite Bernie
  • I like him
  • How can you like him?
  • He’s gorgeous
  • D’ye think?
  • Ye, his eyes crinkle up when he smiles
  • I’d say his arse does too Bernie
  • No need for that Jimmy
  • Does he never get sick wearing the same tee shirt but?
  • It’s not the same tee shirt. He has loads of them
  • How do you know?
  • I just know
  • Them trousers though Ber, if they were up any higher they’d be around his bleedin’ neck
  • He obviously likes them like that. Just because you wear yours hanging off your arse doesn’t mean he has to
  • I do not
  • You give builders bum a bad name when you bend over
  • You’re very critical Bernie. I’m sorry I’m not as fit as your Simon
  • He’s not my Simon. I just like him that’s all
  • He’s very harsh on some of them poor young ones
  • He’s honest. They know what they’re letting themselves in for when they audition
  • But still Bernie, he could be a bit more human
  • Some of them eejits shouldn’t sing in the shower never mind on national TV.
  • They make the show. It would be boring if they were all great singers
  • So you agree most of them are shite?
  • Some of them are
  • Simon just says it like it is. I like a man that’s straight like that. No bullshit
  • Simon says…will you get a grip Bernie
  • You get a grip Jimmy
  • That Cheryl Cole is a fine thing though
  • She’s not called Cheryl Cole anymore
  • What’s she called then?
  • Cheryl Ann Fernandez-Versini
  • That’s a mouthful
  • It sure is
  • Why is she not a Cole anymore
  • She got divorced
  • That fuckin eejit divorced her?
  • She divorced him
  • Why? Were they not getting on?
  • He did the dirt on her
  • Fuckin’ gobshite. Imagine doing the dirt on a lovely young one like her
  • Well he did and now she’s not Cole anymore. Anyway, her new hubby is a fine thing
  • She’s  a fine thing
  • She’s alright
  • She’s bleedin’ gorgeous
  • If that’s the type you go for I suppose
  • I’d go for her alright
  • You could be her father
  • Ah stop ruining it Bernie
  • Ruining what? She’s hardly going to give up her life and run away with you
  • And Simon would for you?
  • I wouldn’t want him to
  • Would you not?
  • Why would I?
  • Ah Bernie, I always knew you were a one man woman
  • One man is more than enough Jimmy, believe me
  • And I’m man enough Bernie
  • You’ve got the whole package
  • If you’ve got it, you’ve got it, it doesn’t matter how old you are
  • Simon said that
  • Good man Simon. You’ve got the X Factor
  • …and a lovely smile
  • …and an arse that crinkles when you smile
  • You’re an awful gobshite Jimmy
  • And Simon’s got the arse factor

Give me patience!

Weeble

W

I was just dozing of when the doorbell rang. Fuckin’ Jimmy went out without his key again and of course everyone else was conveniently be asleep so I had to get up…again, to let him in. I found him wobbling on the front step like a bleedin’ weeble

  • Have you no key?
  • I forgot it
  • You do this every time
  • What?
  • Wake me up when you come in pissed
  • I’m not pissed
  • And I’m not wearing pyjamas Get in will you, you’re like a bleedin’ weeble
  • What?
  • Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down
  • I never fall down
  • One of these days you will
  • Sorry Ber
  • I think you do it on purpose
  • I do not
  • I told you to bring your key when you were leaving
  • I thought it was in my pocket
  • Anyway, you said you’d be back in an hour
  • That was the plan Ber
  • That’s always the plan
  • I only had two pints and just as I was leaving…
  • …Mick came in and bought you a pint
  • No actually, Ray did
  • …and you had to buy one back for him
  • Well it’s only polite
  • …then he bought you another one
  • Well you know Ray, he never has enough
  • …and you couldn’t say no
  • It’s rude to refuse Bernie

guinness

Viva Espana

V

Getting ready to go on Holiday is bad enough without Jimmy annoying me.

  • Tickets, passports,money,Suncream, sunglasses, umberella…
  • Why are you bringing an umberella?
  • It might rain
  • In Santa Ponsa?
  • It rains in Spain
  • In July?
  • It might
  • You’re mad Bernie
  • I must be, I married you Jimmy
  • Have you got everything?
  • I’ve a feeling I’m forgetting something
  • Well the kitchen sink is in your suitcase so I doubt it
  • No, but I’ve got that feeling Jimmy
  • You and your feelings Bernie
  • I’ll just check me list
  • You’ve checked it three times already
  • Well now I’m checking it four times
  • The taxi will be here in a minute
  • Have you got the passports and tickets Jimmy?
  • Right here in my pocket
  • Where’s the plastic bag for liquids?
  • In your bag
  • Have we enough money?
  • Loads of money
  • Lovely Jubbly
  • There’s the taxi outside now
  • I still think we’re forgetting something
  • We’re forgetting nothing will you get out for fuck sake
  • You bring the suitcases, I’ll lock the door
  • Olé olé olé olé
  • Santa Ponsa here we come
  • Viva Espana
  • I can’t wait Jimmy. A whole week of sea sand and…
  • Steady on Bernie
  • I was going to say sangria, ye dirty fecker
  • Yeah right
  • Shurrup and get in the taxi will ye
  • Here we go, airport please Mr. taxi man
  • At last
  • Hang on…stop, stop
  • Ah jasus, what’s up now Jimmy?
  • I forgot me jacket
  • You won’t need it
  • Says the woman with the bleedin’ umbrella in her bag
  • I’ll buy you a new  jacket in the market
  • I need that one
  • Why?
  • Because the passports and tickets are in the pocket
  • For fuck sake Jimmy, you’re an awful gobshite

Unemployed

U

Jimmy was out of work for six months. He nearly drove me fucking mad. He was everywhere. I got up in the morning and he was waiting for his breakfast. I came back from the shops he was sitting there watching Jeremy Kyle. I was cooking the dinner and he was hanging over me. Every time I walked into the kitchen he presumed I was making a cup of tea. If he hadn’t got a job when he did, I think I would have been done for murder. I came in from shopping one day…

  • Where were you?
  • I told you I was going to the shops
  • Did you?
  • Yeah,
  • I didn’t hear you
  • Jeremy Kyle obviously had more important things to say
  • No need for that Bernie
  • I don’t know how you watch that shite
  • It’s not shite; it’s real life
  • Real life me hole, they’re all skangers and bums on the dole looking for easy money while they make a show of themselves
  • I’m on the dole Bernie
  • I know you are but you’re not on Jeremy Kyle
  • Maybe I will some day
  • Well keep me out of it
  • I could tell him how me wife gives me an awful life
  • You could tell him how your wife ran off to the Bahamas because you were an annoying me
  • How do I annoy you?
  • Sitting on your hole all day watching telly, waiting for me to cook for you
  • I can’t help losing me job
  • Well you could do something other than watch telly
  • I go out sometimes
  • Yeah to the pub with Ray and Anto
  • What do you want me to do?
  • You could cut the grass
  • It’s raining out
  • It doesn’t rain everyday
  • Mostly it does though
  • You could paint that back bedroom
  • No one sleeps there anymore, it’s grand
  • I’d like it nice for when the kids come home or when we have visitors
  • We never have visitors, and when the kids come home they’re barely here
  • That’s not the point Jimmy
  • What’s the point then Bernie
  • The point is I want you to get up off your arse and do a few things around the house
  • I hovered the stairs for you
  • Once – a month ago
  • Well, I still did it
  • You could help me more
  • I will Bernie
  • I’ll believe it when I see it Jimmy
  • Come on, I’ll help you unpack the shopping
  • Thanks
  • Would you like a cup of tea love?
  • That would be lovely
  • Grand, make one for me too will ye
  • Fuck off
  • I’m only winding you up Ber
  • It’s what you do best Jimmy
  • You’ll miss me when I go back to work

Believe it or not… actually did!