Living in limbo

 

  • I can’t wait to get home Bernie. I miss me own bed
  • You’ll be in it soon enough, sure the time has flown by in here
  • For you maybe, but for me it’s been a lifetime
  • Hardly a lifetime ma
  • Six weeks you said, six weeks…and It’s been nearly three months
  • You could have been home weeks ago if you hadn’t been trying to limbo at Norma’s birthday party. What the hell were you thinking? You’re lucky you didn’t do more damage when you fell
  • I didn’t fall, I was pushed. That Norma one is a jealous bitch, just because I went lower than her
  • She’s ninety five ma…AND on a zimmerframe…AND it was her birthday
  • Age has nothing to do with jealousy, and her zimmerframe gave her an extra edge
  • I’ve heard it all now
  • I won’t be sorry to see the back of her
  • Well you’ll be home in two days ma. Poor Norma won’t
  • Poor Norma my arse. She loves it, they run after her like a Queen bee because she’s the oldest resident. She’s a bleedin’ attention seeker
  • I thought she was your friend?
  • She is, but she still gets on me nerves. But God love her, you know her family put her in here for two weeks respite
  • That’s not long ma
  • That was two years ago Bernie, and she’s still here
  • Ah that’s shocking
  • She’s still waiting for them to visit
  • Bastards! How could anyone abandon their own mother?
  • You tell me Bernie
  • We didn’t abandon you ma, for jaysis sake you’ve been in for a few weeks to convalescence after your op
  • …and I told you I’d convalesce at home
  • How could you do that? We couldn’t look after you when you couldn’t walk
  • I can look after meself
  • ..and how were you supposed to get in and out of the toilet and bathroom?
  • I’d have managed
  • No you wouldn’t
  • I would
  • Stoppit ma. If you keep annoying me, you’ll be sharing a room with Norma
  • I will not
  • You will. I’ll fucking leave you here
  • You wouldn’t Bernie
  • No I wouldn’t ma
  • Sorry for moaning Bernie
  • Ah it’s grand ma. You’ll be home soon
  • I will
  • …and sure won’t you be grand with your new carer
  • What?
  • Your carer
  • I don’t need a carer
  • You need one when you go home
  • I’m not having one
  • So you want to stay in here then?
  • No I do not.
  • Well, they’re only letting you home if we agree to you having a carer
  • I’m not having a stranger in my house
  • They won’t be strange when you get to know them
  • I don’t want to get to know them
  • Well you’ve no choice
  • What do you mean?
  • There’s going to be one coming twice a week
  • She can feck off
  • Don’t be so ungrateful
  • Can you not come?
  • I can’t come everyday, that’s why you need a carer.
  • Right so Bernadette. You head on home now,I’d better go for my tea. They don’t like you being late for your tea
  • See you tomorrow ma
  • It’s ok Bernie. I know you’re busy
  • For fuck sake ma…and you say Norma is an attention seeker!

God give me patience  😦

 

 

Que Sera Sera

It’s Maisies last week in the nursing home. I know she secretly loves it but she just won’t admit it…

  • Heya ma
  • Hello Bernadette
  • How are you getting on?
  • Awful
  • Why? Did you not do your physio today?
  • I did
  • Well, how was it
  • Grand
  • Well then?
  • Well then what?
  • Why did you say awful?
  • I’m talking about this place
  • It’s lovely ma
  • You stay here then if it’s so lovely
  • What do you not like about it?
  • The food is shite
  • What did you have for your lunch?
  • Chicken and ham with carrots and potatoes and parsley sauce
  • Sounds lovely.
  • It was alright
  • Did you get dessert?
  • Jelly and ice cream
  • Very nice
  • It was alright
  • Did you not eat your lunch then?
  • Of course I ate it
  • It can’t have been that bad so
  • I was starving Bernie. I’d have eaten the leg of the table with no salt I was so hungry
  • Oh, did you not have breakfast then?
  • I did. Porridge,a boiled egg, brown bread,tea, toast and marmalade
  • Is that all? No wonder you were starving by lunch time two hours later..
  • Three hours actually
  • Marie said you’d a great time at the bingo last night and you really enjoyed the singalong on Saturday
  • What would Marie know?
  • She’s one of the carers ma. She sees you everyday. She said you love it and get on great with the other patients
  • Did she now?
  • She did ma
  • I sit with Rita at the Bingo
  • Ah that’s great that you’ve made a friend
  • …and Nora, she’s great at the singing
  • Two new friends?
  • There’s Eileen as well, but  she hasn’t a note in her head , she thinks she’s Vera Lynn.
  • They can’t all be good singers ma
  • It’s just as well most of them are deaf in here, that’s all I can say
  • Did you sing on Saturday night  ma?
  • Well, they insisted. I had no choice
  • Que sera sera?
  • You know I love a bit of Doris Day Bernie
  • I’d say you were great
  • I had to do an encore…The Black hills of Dakota
  • They’ll miss you when you go home ma
  • D’ye think so Bernie?
  • I know so ma…and you’ll miss them
  • No I won’t.
  • You will, just wait and see
  • I won’t
  • Not even Rita?
  • Well maybe Rita…
  • What about Nora and Eileen
  • Maybe Nora, but not Eileen
  • Because she’s a crap singer?
  • No, because she’s a pain in the arse!

Takes one to know one sometimes I suppose!