Jimmy was out of work for six months. He nearly drove me fucking mad. He was everywhere. I got up in the morning and he was waiting for his breakfast. I came back from the shops he was sitting there watching Jeremy Kyle. I was cooking the dinner and he was hanging over me. Every time I walked into the kitchen he presumed I was making a cup of tea. If he hadn’t got a job when he did, I think I would have been done for murder. I came in from shopping one day…

  • Where were you?
  • I told you I was going to the shops
  • Did you?
  • Yeah,
  • I didn’t hear you
  • Jeremy Kyle obviously had more important things to say
  • No need for that Bernie
  • I don’t know how you watch that shite
  • It’s not shite; it’s real life
  • Real life me hole, they’re all skangers and bums on the dole looking for easy money while they make a show of themselves
  • I’m on the dole Bernie
  • I know you are but you’re not on Jeremy Kyle
  • Maybe I will some day
  • Well keep me out of it
  • I could tell him how me wife gives me an awful life
  • You could tell him how your wife ran off to the Bahamas because you were an annoying me
  • How do I annoy you?
  • Sitting on your hole all day watching telly, waiting for me to cook for you
  • I can’t help losing me job
  • Well you could do something other than watch telly
  • I go out sometimes
  • Yeah to the pub with Ray and Anto
  • What do you want me to do?
  • You could cut the grass
  • It’s raining out
  • It doesn’t rain everyday
  • Mostly it does though
  • You could paint that back bedroom
  • No one sleeps there anymore, it’s grand
  • I’d like it nice for when the kids come home or when we have visitors
  • We never have visitors, and when the kids come home they’re barely here
  • That’s not the point Jimmy
  • What’s the point then Bernie
  • The point is I want you to get up off your arse and do a few things around the house
  • I hovered the stairs for you
  • Once – a month ago
  • Well, I still did it
  • You could help me more
  • I will Bernie
  • I’ll believe it when I see it Jimmy
  • Come on, I’ll help you unpack the shopping
  • Thanks
  • Would you like a cup of tea love?
  • That would be lovely
  • Grand, make one for me too will ye
  • Fuck off
  • I’m only winding you up Ber
  • It’s what you do best Jimmy
  • You’ll miss me when I go back to work

Believe it or not… actually did!

One thought on “Unemployed

  1. It’s no fun having my husband getting underfoot. Why is it that when a woman gets sick, she has to keep on doing what she does every day, but when a man gets sick, it’s the end of the world?

    Liked by 1 person

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