The washing machine repair fella was here this morning. Jimmy went ballistic when I rang and told him what the problem was. You’d swear it was my fault. Actually, everything these days seems to be my fault…and I don’t even own a pair of thongs. That Kylie one had better buy herself a few pairs of Bridget Jones or she’ll be left knickerless, because I’m burning that drawer full of dental floss she has up in her room…
- Is the machine fixed ma?
- Yeah, no thanks to you
- What did I do?
- Put your bits of string in
- What?
- The bits of string you call knickers
- They’re called thongs
- I don’t care what you call them, they broke me machine
- What’s my thongs got to do with the machine being broken?
- One of them was blocking the filter
- Is that what was wrong with it
- Yes, mortified I was when the chap cleaned it out
- Aww scarlet ma
- You were scarlet? You were in bed. I had to face him Kylie
- You should have checked the filter before you rang the repair fella ma
- Don’t you start. I’ve enough of your da going on about it
- Did he go mental
- You know what he’s like ” did you not check the filter? The first thing you do when there’s a problem with a washing machine is check the filter ,before you call the repair fella….I can’t believe you didn’t check the filter…Eighty euro for a bleedin’ call out charge ” Blah Blah Blah
- Ah sorry ma
- “I didn’t see you checking the fucking filter” I says to him ” so shurrup annoying me will you”
- Was it the same fella who called last time?
- Oh no thank God. I was mortified enough as it was
- That was hilarious ma. Remember the underwire from your bra, caught in the drum
- Oh, your da reminded me of that one this morning when he was on his rant
- But he thought it was funny at the time. I remember him and Anto laughing over it. ” You’ve always been wired Bernie” he said
- That was back when he had a sense of humour
- Ah he’s not that bad
- Grumpy fucker these days so he is.
- Maybe he’s going through the change
- Men don’t go through the change. They just become narky bastards in their old age
- Me da is not sixty yet ma
- He’s starting early so…here put that thong in the bin
- Why?
- Because it’s ripped to fuck
- Ah ma, they were me favourites
- Who in the name of jaysis has a favourite pair of thongs?
- I do, they’re Victoria’s Secret ones
- Who the fuck is Victoria, and why are you borrowing her knickers? That’s disgusting, you’ve hundreds of pairs of your own
- It’s the name of the shop ma
- Whatever… It’s a piece of string Kylie. Get over yourself
- And you say me da is a narky fucker
- I beg your pardon?
- …nothing, jaysis calm down ma
- I won’t calm down. I’m sick of the lot of you
- Jaysis it’s only a thong ma
- Oh, and you owe me eighty euro
- For what?
- For the washing machine repair fella
- I haven’t got eighty euro ma
- Well stop buying expensive bits of shite to cover your arse then
- You’re as bad as me da these days
- …and maybe that’ll teach you to wash your knickers by hand in future
Kids, I swear the older they get the worse they get…
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