I will survive


I woke up with the mother of all hangovers this morning. The last thing I remember is knocking back shots  with Lynn and Julie after we did our Gloria Gaynor party piece on the karaoke…

  • Me head is bangin’ Jimmy
  • I’ve no sympathy
  • I didn’t ask for any
  • Self inflicted Bernie
  • …and you’ve never had a hangover in your life I suppose
  • I don’t do hangovers Ber
  • You do so, you just don’t let on
  • You know me Ber;  I’m not one for complaining
  • Leave it out will ye, you’re always complaining
  • I am not
  • You are so
  • Like when?
  • Like when you sneezed last week and swore you were dying with flu
  • Don’t exaggerate
  • I’m not exaggerating, you were exaggerating
  • I never said I was dying. I just said I thought I was getting the flu
  • Well you were lying on the sofa all day like a dying swan, demanding hot drinks and chip sambos
  • Feed a flu, starve a fever
  • You didn’t have a flu
  • Well it was coming on
  • You’re talking through your swiss roll Jimmy
  • I am not Bernie, they say eat and drink loads to combat flu
  • Well ‘THEY’ didn’t have to put up with your moans all day
  • I wasn’t moaning. I was sick. Jaysis I wouldn’t want to be looking for sympathy from you anyway
  • There wasn’t a bother on ye when Anto rang ye to go to the pub
  • United were playing
  • So United cures the flu..should have told me earlier,I could’ve ordered Sky Sports, saved me traipsing in and out all day with bleedin’ cups of tea and lem sips
  • I forced meself to go. I didn’t want to let Anto down
  • Would you get out of that. You were out that door like a blue arsed fly when he called
  • I was very weak. Anto had to link me to the pub
  • …well the drink obviously didn’t help, because he had to link you comin’ home aswell
  • I thought the few pints would sort me out but they just went to me head
  • Nothing to do with the whiskey then
  • A hot whiskey is yer only man Ber, I felt like a new man after
  • Obviously you did Jimmy, because you didn’t know your own name when you got home.
  • It was them lem sips did it Bernie,  I shouldn’t have taken them with the solpadeine
  • Never mind the eight pints and whiskey chasers
  • …and you say I’ve no sympathy
  • I didn’t mix medication and drink
  • You’re a cold fish sometimes Bernie
  • Says you, telling me my headache is self inflicted
  • Well it is
  • I’ll survive
  • I’m sure you will Bernie
  • Ask me arse Jimmy
  • I would, but I’m afraid it might answer me
  • Shurrup  and make us a cuppa will ye
  • Cup of tea and sympathy coming up love
  • I told you I don’t want sympathy, just a cup of bloody tea Jimmy
  • … and two solpadeine?
  • Yes please

Ouch , I’m never drinking again…’til the next time of course



Well, the wedding was absolutely brilliant. The bride was beautiful. The service was beautiful. The meal was beautiful…It was all BEAUTIFUL.

Bridget  and the brides granny were the only ones wearing hats. The granny said she wasn’t going near a church without her head covered, I don’t know what Bridgies excuse was but I think Marie forgot to tell her about the no hat rule. She’s such a dozy wagon, I almost felt sorry for her.( ALMOST, I said)

Me and Jules met for coffee and wedding post mortem the next morning in the Hotel lounge…

  • Great wedding Bernie wasn’t it and didn’t Sabrina look gorgeous
  • Gorgeous Julie. Her dress was fabulous wasn’t it
  • Out of this world it was Bernie, and Marie looked stunning
  • The men weren’t too bad either Jules
  • Very handsome indeed, but sure didn’t we all look great
  • Ah it’s lovely to have a day out and get all dolled up in our glad rags
  • Poor Bridgie all the same
  • Why poor Bridgie
  • Wearing that hat. Jaysis, the state of it
  • Serves her right trying to show off
  • Her and granny Byrne were bezzies all day
  • Ha, scarlet for her. Did you hear her telling Bridgie that  it was the likes of them that need to show the younger ones how to behave in church
  • Ha yeah, scarleh for her. ‘Those young ones have no decorum Bridget. Not like us’. God bless Granny Byrne, she’s a diamond.
  • …and she sure can dance. Did you see her doing the macarana with uncle Pat and all the kids at the reception
  • Fair play to her, she’s got the moves alright. She must be knackered today, the last I saw of her, she was leading a conga line through the bar on the way to bed at two o’clock this morning
  • She’s not the only one knackered, jaysis me feet are in ribbons
  • Well you hardly sat down all night, except to take a swig of your drink
  • You were as bad, Dirty dancing all night with Raymondo, you almost outshone Sabrina and Josh doing their gangnam style
  • Ah me and Ray always loved dancing
  • Ah I love an aul bop Jules. The band were so good I could have danced all night
  • Ye did dance all night Ber, I saw ye, and so did Bridgie; doin’ the fandango with her Nigel
  • Ah we were only havin’ the craic. He’s not a bad mover himself. Did you know he was a champion Irish dancer
  • Are you serious?
  • Ye, Bridget said he could have toured with River Dance
  • Her very own Michael Flatly wha’, and you with Jimmy Flatfeet
  • Fuck off Julie, Jimmy hasn’t got flat feet
  • No, just two left ones Ber
  • Nidge said Bridgie is not much of a dancer either
  • Sure look who he’s tellin’ Bernie
  • ‘No need to tell me love’ ses I, sure wasn’t I there when she fell on her arse trying to do Saturday night Fever at your wedding Jules
  • Ah jaysis remember that Ber. Poor Bridget
  • It just wasn’t her day was it
  • Well no, she falls on her arse in front of everyone and has to sit down for the rest of the night and then she gets to watch you dance to ‘More than a woman’ with her boyfriend, who you end up marrying, so I’m guessing it wasn’t the best day of her life
  • No wonder she hates me
  • Ah she doesn’t anymore. She’s mellowed since she married Nigel
  • Nigel is nice
  • Ray says he’s a banker
  • Ah I think he’s lovely
  • No, he’s a banker, like he works in the bank
  • Oh right, ha. Bridget will love that
  • Being married to a banker, she’ll be in her element
  • He’ll know how to behave when he’s in company you mean
  • Aww but did you see the face on her when he wrapped his tie around his head and did his Mick Jagger impression
  • Ah stop Julie, I nearly wet meself. She was mortified
  • ‘Noygelll, put your tie on there’s a dear’
  • I cant get noooooo…
  • …satissfaccctionnnnn
  • Go on the Nidgeee
  • Ah she went mad when you kept calling him Nidge Bernie
  • I know, why do you think I kept it up all day. Ah God love him, he was palatic by the end of the night
  • Not the only one. The state of our two with their air guitars
  • Jimmy and Ray, the Sultans of swing….jaysis help us
  • Ah hilarious Jules…’de boyz are back in towwwwn’
  • They really enjoyed themselves didn’t they
  • Ah Jimmy had a ball anyway…and we did have the last dance together
  • Yeah, I saw you two smooching. Ah he never lost it our Jimmy
  • My very own Tony Manero  haha
  • John Travolta eat your heart out, no sign of two left feet last night Ber. You’re teaching him well
  • Ah Jimmy loves nothing better than a good knees up with the family. It’s the only time I can get him on the dance floor. Sure listen, they’re at it again in the bar already
  • I knew I heard someone singing…for fuck sake, they’re not long after their breakfast
  • They never bleedin’ have enough
  • I saw Jimmy chatting to Bridgie at breakfast. He couldn’t get away from her, she had him pinned to the buffet
  • Probably telling him to keep his wife away from her husband
  • Well do you blame her Ber…I mean you do have form
  • Fuck off, I’m a happily married woman
  • Happily married to her ex
  • They were only dating for five minutes for fuck sake. I’ve had longer relationships with a bag of chips
  • Imagine she could have been my sister in law…jaysis
  • Ah you know she hadn’t a hope in hell once he met me Jules
  • True Bernie, Jimmy only ever had eyes for you
  • Ah bless him, he’s not a bad aul skin all the same
  • Get away out of that, you’re still mad about him too
  • Ah I am Julie, after all these years, I still am
  • Loves young dream
  • Not so young anymore, jaysis me bones are aching all over after all that dancing last night, and me feet are in bits
  • Mine too, I’ll never wear them shoes again. I’m getting too old for 6 inch heels Ber
  • Stop that we’ll never be too old for 6 inch heels
  • You’re right, sure we’ll probably have six inch heels on our zimmerframes when we’re ninety
  • If we reach ninety with the state of our livers
  • Speaking of which…d’ye fancy the hair of the dog Ber?
  • Does a bear shit in the woods Jules?
  • Come on, we may as well join them in the bar
  • …I can’t get noooooo
  • …Satisfactionnnnnnn

But I try…and I try  🙂

Meet n Greet Time!!

Great idea to meet fellow bloggers 🙂

Dream Big, Dream Often

Per our usual agreement, here are the rules:

  1. Leave a link to your page or post in the comments of this post and/or in the comments of these MnG links: Meet n Greet from 7/12  and Meet n Greet from 7/31
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Hats off for a vajazzle

Julie called for me on the way to the beauty salon to get our ‘bits’ done for the wedding.

  • Great news Bernie
  • What? Did we win the lotto?
  • No, it’s about the wedding. I was over with Marie last night and she informed me she’s not wearing a hat
  • The mother of the bride is not wearing a hat? Are you serious?
  • Deadly serious, so you’re off the hook, you don’t have to wear that purple yolk
  • It’s not purple it’s violet, and you said you liked it
  • It’s bleedin’ purple and I lied… right!
  • I’ll never trust you again
  • Ah get over yourself, you didn’t want to wear it anyway
  • I know, but no need to lie. You’d have let me make a show of meself
  • I would not…there was no way I was letting you out in that thing. I don’t know what possessed you to buy it in the first place
  • The girl in the shop said it was lovely on me
  • The girl in the shop is on commission, she’d have told you a bleedin’ balaclava was lovely on you. Come to think of it; a balaclava would actually look better on you
  • Says you; Victoria bleedin’ Beckham
  • I’m not as fat as her
  • Stop acting the gobshite Julie. Are you serious about no hats?
  • Yeah, Sabrina wants everything casual, she’s not into all this lah dee dah shit.She wants everyone to dress as they please and just come and enjoy themselves.
  • Ah deadly Jules, I really was dreading wearing that hat.
  • Marie is delighted because she’s just like you Ber
  • What; Shit hot and irresistible to men?
  •  No, hats don’t suit her either. I think Sabrina introduced the no hat thing for her ma really
  • Fair play to Sabrina, she was always a lovely young one, so down to earth and always so good to her mammy, and by the way,I never said hats don’t suit me
  • They don’t tho’ Ber. They never did
  • Say it as you see it why don’t ye
  • Truth hurts Bernie
  • So does a slap in the head Julie
  • I thought you’d be delighted
  • I am. Does Bridget know?
  • Know what?
  • About the no hat thing?
  • I haven’t a clue, why?
  • It’s just I saw her buying one out in Dundrum shopping centre
  • So that’s why you bought one, haha ye mad yolk Bernie
  • No, well yeah, ah shurrup Julie
  • I don’t know why she still gets to you after all these years
  • She doesn’t get to me. I just hate the way she thinks she’s better than the rest of us
  • Ignore her, she’s just a little upstart who couldn’t hang on to her man
  • He was never her man
  • Ah ye know what I mean. Anyway, he chose you over her, she should have got over it by now. I mean it has been thirty years. Build a bridge Bridge…haha
  • Ha, nice one Jules.
  • I can’t wait for this wedding Ber. Watch out for fireworks
  • I can’t wait to bring this bleedin’ hat back. Come on, we’ll go to Dundrum on the way back from getting our vajazzle
  • Are you getting a vajazzle Ber?
  • Will you leave it out Julie, I was only messin’
  • Be a nice surprise for Jimmy tho’
  • So would a night with Claudia Schiffer but that aint happening either


You’ll never know !!

If you want to get ahead, get a hat


I bought a hat for the wedding. I hate wearing hats, but I spotted the Bridget one buying a fascinator in House of Fraser last week and there’s no way she’s going to get one over on me with her snotty comments about wedding etiquette like the last time. Wedding etiquette my arse. Who does she think she is? bleedin’ Princess Ann.  Jimmy thinks it’s hilarious…

  • What’s in the box love?
  • A hat
  • A hat?
  • Yes, a hat
  • For what?
  • For the wedding
  • Oh right, but why?
  • Why what?
  • Why are you wearing a hat?
  • Because it’s a wedding
  • But you don’t wear hats Bernie
  • I do now
  • You said you don’t have a head for hats
  • No Jimmy. YOU said I don’t have a head for hats
  • Well ye don’t really Ber
  • Fuck off Jimmy
  • I’m just being honest
  • Stick your honesty up your swiss roll. I’m wearing a hat
  • Ah now there’s no need for that Ber
  • There’s every need. You’re always commenting on what I wear
  • I only comment when you ask my opinion
  • Well I don’t remember asking your opinion today Jimmy so get lost
  • Jaysis, what’s crawled up your arse today. You’re very touchy all of a sudden
  • I’m not touchy
  • You are so, did someone say something to you?
  • Ye, you did, slagging me head
  • I never slagged your head, I just said it looks better without a hat
  • Have you looked in the mirror at yourself recently? You could do with a hat yourself to cover that bald patch
  • Ah now Ber, there’s no need to get personal
  • You started it
  • I did not
  • You did
  • Jaysis Ber calm down
  • I am calm Jimmy
  • So, is everyone wearing hats?
  • I presume so. Wedding etiquette and all that, you know yourself
  • Aaah,  now I see
  • See what?
  • I see what’s up with you. You met Bridget Campion didn’t you?
  • No
  • You did
  • I didn’t. I just saw her in House of Fraser
  • She wasn’t buying a hat by any chance was she?
  • How would I know what your old flame was buying
  • Haha, she was wasn’t she. Ah Bernie your a gas woman
  • What do you mean?
  • You know you don’t need to wear a hat just because she is
  • I am not. I don’t give a shite  what that skank is wearing
  • You obviously do Bernie
  • She could be wearing the crown jewels for for all I care Jimmy. Actually, a balaclava would suit her better
  • That’s a bit harsh isn’t it
  • No, that would be her bleedin’ face….her face is harsh. The state of her
  • Why do you hate her so much
  • I don’t hate her, she just gets on my nerves. The jumped up little wagon, always looking down her pointy nose at me.
  • Ah she doesn’t. She’s just jealous of you Ber
  • Jealous of me? Why?
  • Because I chose you instead of her
  • You don’t half fancy yourself do ye Jimmy
  • It’s true though
  • I know…but she still gets on my nerves
  • I’ll never understand you women
  • What’s to understand ?
  • Bleedin’ everything Ber, now show us the hat
  • No. Fuck off
  • Suit yourself then
  • I will
  • Women…
  • MEN!

I just wish this bleedin’ wedding was over  😦