Thirsty work

shopping bags

  • I’m off shopping with Julie
  •   Ah good luck
  • Why would I need luck?
  • Shopping with her,sure she’s worse than you
  • We like shopping; what’s wrong with that?
  • Whatever  floats your boat Bernie.
  • Shopping floats my boat so deal with it
  • I suppose you’ll only be an hour
  • I’ll be as long as it takes
  • Be as long as you like
  • I will
  • I’ll see you at dinner time so
  • You might; you might not
  • So it’s the chipper for me I suppose
  • Whatever you fancy Jimmy
  • I fancy steak and chips but it doesn’t look like I’ll be getting it here
  • I’m sure your ma would be delighted to oblige
  • No bother to my ma
  • There you go then, sorted
  • I might pop up for a pint after me dinner, so make sure you have your key
  • I might go for dinner with Julie, seeing as your ma is making yours. No need to rush home
  • Since when did you ever rush home from shopping?
  • Well, you have a puss on if your dinner is not on the table by six
  • I’m a working man Bernie. It’s not much to ask me dinner ready when I come home after a hard days graft
  • No one ever gets my dinner ready
  • I do sometimes
  • Ye do not
  • I fucking do
  • What, once in a blue moon when you go the chipper for a one and one
  • It’s dinner isn’t it
  • Ye right
  • You’re never happy
  • I might go to the pub meself on the way home
  • Plenty of room for ye Bernie
  • It’s thirsty work all this shopping
  • Tell me about it

Men!

Mrs. Bouquet

Hyacinth

Got me hair done this morning, met Julie after for a coffee and a chat…

  • I love the new do Ber
  • Thanks Julie. You know Jimmy said my hair is my crowning glory
  • Really; what’s he looking for?
  • Nothing
  • Ha, be looking for his swiss roll tonight Ber
  • Fuck off Julie. Can a man not give his wife a compliment now?
  • Jaysis, you’re even beginning to sound like him now
  • I am not
  • You are so… ‘can a man not give his wife a compliment now’
  • Jaysis, Jimmy is always saying that
  • I told you. You’re turning into your husband
  • Oh stop Julie, I am too
  • Brainwashed after all these years
  • Look who’s talking?
  • What are you on about?
  • Ray said this, Ray said that
  • Fuck off, I do not
  • Ye do so.
  • I don’t
  • You’re always at it
  • Oh jaysis Bernie, you’re right.
  • I know I’m right
  • Holy lord, what are we like?
  • Two married oul ones, that’s what
  • When did we turn into our mas?
  • Better turning into our mas and not their ma Julie
  • God forbid and all harm Bernie
  • ‘My husband and I’
  • ‘My son Raymond’
  • ‘My son James’
  • ‘My husband William’
  • ‘My Willie’
  • Don’t be dirty
  • Poor Willie, lord rest him
  • He’s a saint in Heaven
  • He was a saint on earth putting up with her
  • The bould Mrs Violet
  • Lily of the valley
  • Lily Violet, jaysis it’s nearly as bad as Rose Violet
  • Shurrup Jacintha
  • Fuck off
  • Did you know Jacintha is Spanish for Hyacinth
  • Ye, scarleh for me
  • Julie Jacintha, jaysis what was yer ma thinkin’?
  • Jacintha is after me granny
  • Mrs. Bouquet
  • That’s what the kids pals call me
  • Mine too…ha
  • Scarleh for ye Julie Jacintha Violet
  • Scarleh for ye Bernie Rose Violet

Flower power wha’!  🙂