Zoom #AtoZChallenge

Z 2017

  • Heya ma
  • Are you not gone yet?
  • Obviously not
  • I thought you’d be supping a large vodka at the airport by now
  • I am
  • Well for some. So what do you want?
  • That’s lovely alright. I rang to say goodbye
  • You said goodbye yesterday
  • Jaysis, you’re full of the joys today aren’t you
  • I wouldn’t like you to miss your flight over me Bernie
  • Sure we’ve loads of time
  • How’s Jimmy?
  • Not a bother. Enjoying a couple of pints before the flight
  • Sure he may as well
  • Do you want to say hello to him….JIMMY, ME MA WANTS  TO SAY GOODBYE TO YOU
  • No I don’t. Let him alone will you
  • He said to tell you to feck off, he said goodbye to you yesterday
  • Charming
  • Right I’d better go ma. They’re calling our flight
  • Have a great time Bernie. Love you
  • Love you too ma. Hasta la vista
  • Who’s pissed off?
  • I SAID HASTA LA VISTA
  • WHAT I CANT HEAR YOU BERNIE?
  • The whole airport can hear me ma
  • WHAT?
  • BYE MA

Jaysis…

Advertisements

You only live once #AtoZChallenge

Y 17

  • I think I’ll come with you Bernie
  • Grand. I’ll get your coat ma
  • Will I need a coat?
  • It’s freezing out, of course you’ll need a coat
  • I thought it was warm in Spain?
  • It probably is, but we’re in Ireland ma
  • But when we go to Spain will it be warm?
  • What do you mean when WE go to Spain?
  • I just told you, I’m going with you
  • I thought you meant to the shops ma
  • You don’t be listening to me Bernie
  • I try not to ma
  • What?
  • You can’t come to Spain ma
  • Why not?
  • Because your pre op is while I’m away and you can’t get your new knee until that’s done
  • So who’s going to bring me
  • Phillo and Mags and Marion will be here, Angela will be up at the weekend, and of course there’s always your sons…
  • I’m not looking forward to it Bernie. I’d rather be going to Spain with you
  • Ah Phillo isn’t that bad ma, and Angela will only be here for a couple of days
  • I meant the operation, not your sisters
  • I know ma, I’m only messing with you. ANYWAY IT’S ONLY A PRE OP. I TOLD YOU A HUNDRED TIMES
  • WELL EXCUSE ME FOR BEING DEAF AS WELL AS CRIPPLED
  • You’re not a cripple…leave it out. you’re such a drama Queen
  • I’d like to see you getting a new knee
  • Ah look ma, you’ll be grand. Look how long you’ve been waiting for this. You’ll be like a new loo when it’s done
  • I hate hospitals
  • Doesn’t everyone ma
  • What if I don’t wake up?
  • You will wake up, and you won’t know yourself with your noonie
  • But they’re sending me to convalesce afterwards Bernie
  • The nursing home is lovely. It’s only for a couple of weeks until you get used to your noonie
  • Stop calling it me noonie
  • It will always be your noonie to me ma
  • Get away out of that. You’re a divil you are
  • …and where did I get that from then?
  • Go on with you. You have a great time in Spain. You only live once Bernie. Make the most of it
  • I will ma, and sure can’t you come with us next time
  • Maybe I will
  • It’s a date so. Me, you and noonie

 

Ah bless her  😉

X Ray #AtoZChallenge

x 2017

  • The doctor rang with your X  Ray results ma
  • With what?
  • YOUR  X RAY RESULTS FROM THE HOSPITAL MA. REMEMBER I BROUGHT YOU TO THE HOSPITAL FOR YOUR XRAY?
  • Oh jesus, wait until I sit down Bernie, me nerves are gone
  • Do you want the good news or the bad news?
  • Bad news? oh Jesus, Mary and holy saint Joseph … bad news?I told you I was dying. None of you would listen to me.
  • Well will you listen to me for a minute ma. You’re not dying, you’re getting a new knee
  • A noonie? What’s a noonie?
  • YOUR NEW KNEE MA. YOU’RE GETTING A NEW KNEE
  • Are you serious Bernie?
  • Yeah, he said  your xray showed how much your knee had deteriorated and you need to have the op asap
  • Sure didn’t I tell him that meself. I didn’t need an xray to tell me how bad I was
  • Well, you’ll be getting it very soon ma
  • Oh I don’t know Bernie
  • What don’t you know?
  • About the new knee
  • Jaysis ma, all you ever talk about is your gammy knee and how long you’ve been waiting for a new one, and now you’re saying you don’t want it?
  • I’m just nervous Bernie
  • Nothing to be nervous about at all.You’ll be flying around the place afterwards
  • Will I but Bernie?
  • You sound as if you’re disappointed ma
  • No I’m not
  • Well you don’t sound too happy?
  • Would you be happy having a foreign body put inside you?
  • Leave it out ma will you. It’s a common operation. Millions of people get it done every year. It’ll give you a whole new lease of life
  • So what’s the good news then?
  • That was the good news ma
  • So what’s the bad news?
  • There is no bad news ma, I was only messin’
  • You can be a bitch sometimes Bernie
  • Well, I didn’t lick it off a stone
  • What did you say?
  • I SAID I THINK I HEAR THE PHONE. I’LL JUST GO ANSWER IT
  • The phone is in your hand Bernie
  • Oh… so it is

Watching telly #AtoZChallenge

W 17

  • Put the telly on there Bernie
  • What’s on ma?
  • Daniel and Majella’s road trip
  • Jaysis do we have to watch this shite?
  • What?
  • IT’S THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY NIGHT
  • I love Daniel. Isn’t he lovely?
  • Massive ma
  • Do you not like him?
  • He’s a pain in the arse
  • He’s very good to his mammy
  • How do you know?
  • I just do. Ah look isn’t he gorgeous?
  • He’s a ride ma
  • What are you saying Bernie?
  • THEY’RE GOING FOR A RIDE MA…LOOK, ON A DONKEY
  • Where are they visiting this week?
  • Connemara
  • Lovely. I haven’t been to Connemara since 1983
  • Have you not?
  • Oh look quick Bernie, she has curtains like mine. Isn’t that a gorgeous house?
  • Fab
  • I was thinking of buying new ones
  • New what?
  • Curtains. Are you even listening to me Bernie?
  • I try not to
  • What?
  • I HEARD YOU
  • But I do like the ones I have
  • What have you got ma?
  • Curtains Bernie. Jesus, I thought I was the one with the hearing problem
  • Oh right yeah. Curtains, lovely
  • They could do with a wash though
  • Right
  • Maybe Phil or Marion would wash them for me
  • I’m sure they would
  • I’ll ask them
  • Do
  • I don’t hear you offering to wash them
  • No you didn’t ma
  • What?
  • I SAID ‘ASK ANGELA’
  • Angela said there’s a sale in Kavanaghs
  • Lovely
  • Great bargains in curtains she said
  • Great, saves her washing yours the lazy hoor
  • What?
  • GREAT BARGAINS I’M SURE
  • But sure what’s the point in new curtains at my age?
  • No point ma
  • What’s up with you tonight?
  • Nothing
  • There’s something up, you’re very quiet
  • I’m trying to watch this programme ma
  • You don’t even like Daniel O’Donnell Bernie
  • No I don’t but you insisted on putting it on and you haven’t shut up since it started
  • I can watch and talk at the same time you know
  • Well watch it then will you
  • Where are they now?
  • Galway
  • Oh I like Galway. That’s a nice house isn’t it? Oh, is it over already?
  • Yes ma
  • It wasn’t on for long was it?
  • It was on for half an hour ma
  • That didn’t seem like half an hour
  • No, more like an eternity
  • What?
  • Do you want another cup of tea?

 

Is this month nearly over yet?

Visitation #AtoZChallenge

V 17

  • I saw your da last night Bernie
  • Da’s dead ma
  • I know he’s bloody dead. I’m not stupid Bernie
  • Oh sorry. I thought you forgot ma
  • How could I forget the day your poor father died? Lord rest him
  • Ah sorry ma, but that was a lovely dream to have
  • I wasn’t dreaming Bernie. He was here
  • Where
  • Standing there, exactly where you are
  • Feck off ma will ye.What was he doing?
  • Smiling
  • Ah that’s nice. Did he say anything?
  • Yeah
  • What did he say ma?
  • He said ‘Are ye right Maisie’
  • What did you say to him ma?
  • I said ‘Not tonight Paddy, I’m too tired
  • …and what did he say to that?
  • He said ‘Ah for jaysis sake Maisie, you’re always too tired’
  • Is that all?
  • Yeah, then he just disappeared
  • Really ma?
  • Yeah. I wish it had been that easy when he was alive
  • Ma!  I swear to God, you’re getting worse.

Under the duvet #AtoZChallenge

U 17

  • You staying in bed again today ma?
  • I’m not very well
  • What’s up with you?
  • I think it was that takeaway we had last night
  • You always blame what you eat
  • I’m never eating Chinese again
  • You keep saying that ma
  • I mean it this time. I’m awake all night
  • You were unconscious every time I looked in on you
  • No I wasn’t
  • You were
  • I only had my eyes closed
  • You were snoring
  • No I wasn’t
  • You were
  • Well I’m not getting up yet
  • No problem. Do you want breakfast?
  • Oh no. I couldn’t eat a thing
  • O.K.
  • I’d love a up of tea
  • I’ll make it now
  • Maybe I’ll try a slice of toast
  • No problem
  • You know I can’t drink tea on it’s own
  • Right so
  • I never felt as tired in me life Bernie
  • You say that every morning ma
  • No I don’t
  • That bed has you tired, you’re never out of it lately
  • Me knee is giving me gyp as well
  • Did you take your painkillers?
  • I’ll take them with me tea and toast
  • Okeydoke ma
  • I’m not very well today Bernie
  • So you said
  • What?
  • I’LL JUST GO TOAST THAT BREAD
  • Yes, maybe I will try an egg
  • I thought you weren’t eating because you were sick?
  • It might settle me stomach Bernie
  • Whatever you say
  • What?
  • I’LL GO MAKE THE TEA 😩

Takeaway #AtoZChallenge

T 2017

  • I’m just ordering a Chinese ma, what would you like?
  • You know my stomach is not able for that spicy food Bernie
  • Chicken curry isn’t spicy
  • I’ll just have a breast of chicken, no sauce
  • Rice or noodles?
  • Chips
  • I thought you weren’t eating chips anymore because they’re too greasy
  • A few won’t harm me
  • Right so chicken and chips for you, chicken curry, fried rice and noodles for me. I’ll just go ring them now
  • Oh order me a curry sauce while you’re on
  • You just said you didn’t want anything spicy
  • But you can’t eat chips without curry sauce
  • You do on Fridays
  • That’s chipper chips. You have red sauce with chipper chips. You have curry sauce with Chinese chips
  • You could just have some of my chicken curry with chips so
  • Ah no, I told you I don’t want anything too spicy
  • But…
  • What?
  • Nothing ma…nothing. I’ll just go and order the food.