Broken hearted girl

Gary rang our Whitney everyday when she got back from Australia. She refused to talk to him. So he started ringing the house phone at all hours of the day and night. I got fed up of him so I  left him up to Jimmy …

Can I speak to Whitney please.

It’s three o’clock in the morning, how many times were you told to stop ringing here? Some of us have to get up for work in the morning.

Please Jimmy, let me talk to her.

Don’t you ‘please Jimmy’ me, ye little bollix.

Sorry Mr. Violet.

She doesn’t want to talk to you.

I just want to explain.

What’s to explain? You got my daughter pregnant and then had sex with another woman in her bed.

It wasn’t what it looked like.

What was it like then?

She just came over to talk about work, and…

And, you decided to talk business in bed?

It just happened. We didn’t plan it.

So I suppose her knickers just fell down and she tripped over and landed on your mickey.

Yeah, I’d be speechless too if that happened me.

Can I just speak to Whitney?

I told you she doesn’t want to talk to you, now stop calling this house.

But, she won’t answer her mobile.

Because she doesn’t want to talk to you, can you not take a hint?

I just need to talk to her for a minute.

How many times do you have to be told…SHE DOESN’T WANT TO TALK TO YOU, NOW FUCK OFF. 

But…

Do you have a death wish or what? Because if you ring here again, you’re dead. I don’t care if you’re on the other side of the world.’I will find you and I will kill you’.  (Jimmy fancies himself as a bit of a Liam Neeson figure since we watched that movie, Taken. )

 

He obviously didn’t take Jimmy seriously (silly boy), and I have to say, he’s a persistent little fucker.He actually rang again; he was lucky Jimmy was in work. Even thought she was  broken hearted, Whitney still wouldn’t talk to him. I don’t blame her, I told the little bolix, he’s lucky she doesn’t have her mothers temperament because if I’d been in her situation, I’d have chopped his balls off.

 

 

 

The fourteen year old virgin

This is an actual conversation that I over heard between two young girls on a very bus last Saturday. I’m still not the better of it…

Are you still  with Cory?

Yeah.

D’ye love him?

Yeah, I suppose, whatever love is. Did you love him when you were with him?

Yeah, I mean, he’s really good looking, and he’s minted. Not that I knew he was minted when I was with him, like, that’s not why I was with him.

I knew he was minted, but that’s not why I’m with him.

He’s gorgeous, isn’t he?But I don’t like the way he knows he’s gorgeous, and he knows all the girls are mad for him.

I’ll probably lose me virginity to him. did you?

I did in me hole. Are you really going to?

 I probably will, like, I don’t really want to but we’re in a stable relationship so, yeah.

How long are you with him?

Three weeks. He thinks he’s me best friend, I told him he was,but he’s not

You just have to tell them what they want to hear, don’t you?

Yeah, I mean, Jade will always be me best friend.

Oh.

Oh what? Did you think you were?

NO! 

Anyway, we’ll probably do it soon. He really wants to.

Well if you don’t, someone else will, because he really is gorgeous.

Yeah, and like, his gaff is huge, like the length of three houses and three stories high.

It must be massive.

It is, and he even has a trampoline out his back garden.

Very nice. 

Did you lose your virginity yet?

Shut up, the whole bus can hear you.

Let them, so tell us, did you lose it? Are you still single?

Yeah I’m still single.

How long are you single now?

About six months.

 And still a virgin.

Shurrup, so are you.

Not for much longer.

Are you dying to lose your virginity?

Shhhh, I’m scarlet.  (I think we already know the answer love)

Come on then, this is our stop.

 

Well, when they stood up and walked down the bus, I couldn’t believe my eyes. They were only about thirteen or fourteen years of age. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.  I feel sorry for kids today. They don’t get to be kids for long do they? When I was their age, I was still reading Enid Blyton books and playing skipping out on the road with me pals. The only thing I ever lost was me bus fare.