Camel Toe

 

camelI had a few scoops with Julie last night. I haven’t seen her since before I went on me alcoholliers so we were due a catch up.

  • See they’re selling knickers with built in camel toe now Ber
  • Feck off Julie
  • I swear to God Bernie
  • Who in their right mind would want to be flashing their fanny to all and sundry?
  • Loads of people. They’re all the rage now I believe
  • That’s just wrong, and disgusting too
  • Well disgusting or not, they’re selling like hot cakes
  • Young ones these days would wear anything
  • Not like us you mean?
  • I never had a camel toe in me life
  • You wore pussy bows though Bern
  • Pussy bows were on me blouse, not me fanny
  • ..and ra ra skirts
  • Don’t remind me
  • ..and gold leggings
  • Jaysis
  • How did you get away with wearing them and not have a camel toe Bernie?
  • Two pairs of knickers with double gusset
  • Sexy bitch
  • Bet into them I was. Remember lying on the bed to pull the zip up with a hanger and not being able to get up without being pulled up
  • Same here, and you were afraid to go to the jax when you were out in case you couldn’t get them back up
  • The things we did to be fashionable what?
  • Camel toe but? We’d never go that far Bernie
  • I remember wearing leg warmers, and I wasn’t even going to the gym
  • …and fingerless gloves
  • …Madonna bands
  • …Bet Lynch earrings,they were like bleedin’ chandeliers
  • We thought we were only massive
  • We thought we were Bananarama
  • *Nathan Jones you’ve been gone too long* I still remember the dance moves
  • *Venus* I remember me ma nearly had a conniption cos I ripped me new jeans with her kitchen scissors so I’d be like Karen Woodward
  • They’re selling them already ripped now, imagine?
  • I know. Me ma couldn’t believe it when she saw our Whitney wearing them. ‘Has your mother not got a needle and thread to sew them up for ye love’ she said to her
  • I hope she doesn’t go buying them camel toe knickers
  • That’d be going a step too far. I don’t think she’s that stupid
  • Maisie said the same about your ripped jeans Bernie
  • She did too Julie. Oh to be young and foolish again
  • Just young would do me Ber
  • …and not just foolish
  • I’ll drink to that
  • I’ll drink to anything…cheers
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Privacy … Sign of the times

Kids these days, they tell you nothing. God be with the days when there was only one phone in the house and everyone heard all of your business. Now they don’t even use the landline and their phones are forever stuck to their hands. Back in my day we had no phone. I had to go down the road to the public call box  by the shops to call me fella…more privacy back then  😉

  • Who were you on the phone to Whitney?
  • My friend
  • What friend?
  • Just a friend from school
  • What’s her name
  • Why do you want to know?
  • I’m just asking you a question
  • And I told you, a friend
  • Was it a fella?
  • What makes you think it was a fella?
  • Because you won’t tell me who it was
  • I told you it was a friend
  • And I asked you, what friend?
  • Why are you giving me the third degree ma?
  • Because I’m your ma and you’re only a child
  • I’m sixteen ma
  • Exactly…so?
  • So what?
  • So it was a fella
  • What if it was?
  • Why can’t you just say you were talking to a fella?
  • What’s the difference if it’s a boy or a girl? He’s just a friend
  • Then why didn’t you tell me which it was?
  • Because you’d make a big deal out of it, like you are now
  • I’m not making a big deal out of it
  • You are. A friend is a friend
  • But if you were talking to Leanne, you’d say you were talking to Leanne
  • But I wasn’t talking to Leanne
  • So who is he?
  • Just a friend
  • What’s his name?
  • Why?
  • I just want to know. Why are you afraid to tell me?
  • I’m not afraid to tell you. You don’t know him so no point telling you his name
  • You were talking for a very long time. What were you talking about?
  • I wasn’t that long talking to him and we were just talking about stuff
  • What stuff?
  • Just stuff. Jaysis ma is nothing private in this house?
  • Is he your boyfriend Whitney?
  • MA!!
  • Just tell me
  • No
  • No he’s not your boyfriend?
  • No, I’m not telling you
  • Maybe you’ll tell your da when he comes in
  • Ah ma for gods sake
  • What?
  • Stop telling da stuff
  • He’s your da he should know if you have a boyfriend
  • You’re doing my head in. I’m going to my room
  • Is that him on the phone?
  • What?
  • I just heard your phone beep
  • So?
  • So,is that why you’re going to your room?
  • No, I’m going to my room because you’re wrecking my head ma

I’ll find out, don’t you worry…

Reflections #AtoZChallenge #Maisieandme

It’s been two weeks since I completed the challenge. Between that and looking after Maisie I was worn out. So meself and Jimmy headed of to Benalmadena  for a week to soak up a few rays and chill out. It was lovely just to sit by the pool everyday with no one to run after…

  • So, how did the challenge go Bernie?
  • It was actually grand Jimmy, but to be honest with you, Maisie would have a conniption if she knew I was writing about her for the month
  • You mean you didn’t tell her?
  • I value my life Jimmy
  • Wait til she hears the world and it’s mother knows all about her gammy knees
  • Not to mention her birds appetite
  • …her eyesight
  • …her hearing, or lack of
  • What?
  • Very funny Jimmy
  • You always did say you could write a book about your ma
  • Maybe I will
  • Sure you’re halfway there Bernie
  • What will I call it?
  • ‘Confessions of a hypochondriac’?
  • Too predictable Jimmy, plus ,she’d kill me
  • ‘Hear no evil. See no evil’?
  • ‘Hear feck all. See everything’ more like. Wait until she gets her new knee. there’ll be no stopping her.
  •  That’s it Bernie …’Finding Noonie’
  • Stoppit Jimmy, that’s brilliant
  • Or… ‘When I kneed you’?
  • Leave it out Jimmy, you’re after making me spill me drink
  • In other words ‘Go to the bar and get me another drink Jimmy’
  • It’s your own fault for making me laugh
  • Any excuse Bernie. I suppose you want me to rub in some more sun cream when I get back
  • That’ll be lovely hon
  • And you say Maisie is demanding?
  • You have no idea
  • There’s a pair of you in it, sure you’re as bad as each other
  • ‘Maisie and Me’ not a bad title Jimmy
  • Heaven help us