The Big Reveal… Ma and me

atoz2017

 

I hate to tell you but I’ll be talking the same aul shite through April. The only difference it will be with my mammy. She’s not as young as she used to be and so she needs a bit of looking after. I’ll be spending a lot of the month of April with her, so what better way to vent my frustrations ( yeah I do get a bit hyper when I have to spend a lot of time with me ma…don’t judge me until you’ve tried it) than to put it all down on paper and share with with my blogging buddies. Bear with me lads because I’m sure it won’t all be fun and games in ma’s gaf. If you’re offending by bad language ( me), and swearing (ma) you’d better stay clear. See yis all in April.  😉 I would appreciate the support and some words of wisdom and maybe some shoulders to cry on when I eventually hit the vodka. ( Only buzzing with yis, she’s not that bad …we’ll see )

 

 

 

Chasing rainbows on Paddy’s day

crock of gold

  • Who’s idea was it to call it St. Patty’s day Jimmy?
  • The Americans
  • …and who the fuck is Patty when she’s at home anyway?
  • A snake charmer called Patricia. Paddy got rid of the snakes, she’s gonna bring them back
  • She’s doing a good job of it so. There’s a few snakes around I’d like to give a belt of a shillelagh to.
  • Saint Patrick didn’t carry a shillelagh, he carried a walking stick. You’re thinking of leprechauns. Leprechauns carry shillelaghs
  • Do they now Mr. know all? …and when was the last time you saw a leprechaun with a shillelagh?
  • When I was five, in the fairy ring at the bottom of me mas garden
  • Next you’ll be telling me you found his pot of gold at the end of the rainbow
  • Ah that’s all a myth Bernie
  • You do surprise me Jimmy. Leprechauns,shillelaghs and fairy rings; but no pot of gold?
  • No end of the rainbow Bernie. It’s forever illusive.
  • Tell me about it. I’m forever chasing rainbows Jimmy
  • Sure didn’t you catch me? Better than any crock of gold I am
  • Golden balls himself
  • Begorrah and be god sure I am so I am Bernadette Rosaleen
  • Stop it will you. Next thing you’ll be saying ‘Top o’ de mornin’ to ye’
  • Ah sure you have to get into the Paddy’s day spirit Bernie
  • By talking like Jimmy O’Dea in  Darby O’Gill and the Little People?
  • I was thinking more Sean Connery
  • Are you sure you didn’t kiss the Blarney stone as well Jimmy?
  • Why?
  • Because you never stop talking shite
  • Ah lighten up Bernie. It’s Paddys day. I’ve the whole weekend off. Time for the craic
  • Don’t even think of asking me to go in to the Parade
  • Fuck that Bernie. In this weather? We’re going down the pub to drown the shamrock
  • Now you’re talking. You can buy me dinner as well
  • We can have a look for a fairy ring on the way Ber
  • Ask me hoop Jimmy

Happy St. Patrick’s Day everyone   🙂

🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀

Pile of shite

 

dog shit

  • Sorry I’m late Jules. I walked in dog shite and had to go change my boots
  • Ah that’s disgusting Bernie. Where was it?
  • Right outside my front gate that’s where. I swear to god I’m sick of them
  • You never liked dogs Bernie
  • I’m not talking about the dog, yeah I’m not fond of them but it’s their owners I’m sick of, letting them shite wherever they like and not bothering their arse cleaning up after them
  • Pooper scoopers should be compulsory
  • Giving the dog owners a kick in the hole should be compulsory Julie
  • ‘Here you… pick up your dogs shite’ I roared out the window after one fella last week, and the fucker just gave me the finger
  • I’d have run after him with it if it was me Ber
  • Well I would have but I was only out of the shower. I only had a towel wrapped around me. I’ve been watching out for him ever since. There hasn’t been a sign of him or his dog  until today
  • Did you run after him today?
  • No, I  missed him, but I didn’t miss the dog shite. I stepped right into it in me new boots
  • Dirty bastard. You’ll have to catch him Ber
  • God help him when I do Jules, I swear I’ll shove it in his face
  • Who even lets their dog do that?
  • Dirty ignorant fuckers that’s who.Probably doesn’t wipe his own arse either
  • Gross Bernie
  • Tell me about it. I had to clean it up what was left of it, most of it was on the bottom of my good boots.
  • That’s shite Bernie
  • It is Julie. Pure shite.
  • So you won’t be ordering the chocolate cake today then Ber?
  • I think I’ll pass on that one Jules

😦

Pancake Panic

pancakes

  • Where’s the pancakes ma?
  • I didn’t make any
  • Why not?
  • I’m on a diet
  • Well I’m not
  • Well you make them then
  • I can’t
  • You’re out of luck so
  • Ah ma
  • Ah ma me arse, you should be trying to support me on me diet Kylie, not looking for bleedin’ pancakes of a Tuesday
  • But it’s ‘PANCAKE’ Tuesday ma
  • I don’t care if it’s Apocalypse Tuesday. I’m not making any bloody pancakes
  • What does da have to say about that?
  • Nothing. He’s supporting me with my diet
  • He’s gone to grannies for pancakes isn’t he?
  • Yeah
  • See ye later ma
  • Where are you going? What about your dinner?
  • I’ll be back later…keep it warm for me
  • It’s a bleedin’ salad
  • Whatever, see ye in a bit Ma
  •  Kylie Bernadette Rosaleen Violet, come back here NOW
  • I won’t be long
  • I know where you’re going
  • ……….
  • TELL YOUR DA HIS DINNER IS READY…AND BRING ME BACK A PANCAKE

Well, if you can’t beat them, join them. Anyway lent starts tomorrow. I’ll start me diet tomorrow  🙂

Ferero heart never won fair lady ❤️

 

  • Did you buy me chocolates Jimmy?
  • Why would I buy you chocolates?
  • For Valentines day
  • You hate all that Valentines shite
  •  I don’t hate chocolate tho’
  • There’s still half a box of Ferero left since Christmas
  • What do you mean half a box? I never even opened them
  • I had one or two the other night when you were out
  • Did ye now? Well how come there’s only a half box left?
  • Well, maybe I ate more than one or two
  • You’re an awful gannet Jimmy Violet
  • I thought you didn’t want them. They’re there since Christmas
  •  I’m on the slimming world diet, I couldn’t eat them
  • I did you a favour so
  • I was saving them for a special occasion
  • Like what?
  • Like when I lost me first stone
  • That’s kinda defeating the purpose Ber isn’t it?
  • Whatever Jimmy, ah will ye look at the time, I’m dead  late for me weigh in. DON’T eat the rest of MY Ferero before I get back
  • It’ll be my Valentines gift to you
  • Oooh Mr. Ambassador  with zees half box of Rocher you are truly spoiling meeeee
  • I really am Ber. I mean I could’ve eaten them all
  • I’ve heard it all now, giving me a half box of my own chocolates for Valentines day
  • That’s how much I love you Ber. Any more than that and you’d never reach your target. 
  • You’re all heart Jimmy  ❤
  • I do try Bernie
  • Who says romance is dead?

 

ferero

 

Knobs, knockers and chicken balls

door-knob-1

 

  • I’m off to work Jimmy
  • Where are you working today?
  • Lady Mucks house in Rathgar. She’s been on a Caribbean cruise for a month, wants the gaff cleaned before she gets home on Wednesday
  • How the other half live what?’
  • I wish someone would clean my gaff while I went off on me jollies
  • Ah you wouldn’t like it Bernie. Strangers in your house
  • It doesn’t have to be a stranger Jimmy.  I’m sure you know where the Hoover is by now
  • Ah leave it out Ber, sure I’m only in from work meself. I’m bleedin’ cream crackered
  • Well, get Whitney to do it when she gets in. She hasn’t done a tap around here all weekend
  • Where is she now?
  • She swanned off to Jens  after school instead of coming home to give me a hand.
  • Ah she’s probably studying is she?
  • Studying my arse. She spends more time up lying on her bed texting her mates than anything
  • I’ll have a word when she comes in
  • Thanks hon. Right I’m off to polish this aul ones knockers
  • Lovely image Ber
  • She likes her knockers gleaming
  • Don’t we all?
  • Dirty beggar Jimmy Violet
  • … and don’t forget to give them knobs a good polishing while you’re at it
  • Oh that reminds me, I’m getting a Chinese on the way home, do you want chicken balls with yours?
  • Nice one, and a spring roll Ber
  • We’ll be having that for afters Jimmy  😉
  • Now who’s a dirty beggar?
  • See you later…knob head  😉

 

Happy Monday everyone  🙂