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Dream Big, Dream Often

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Meet and Greet: 2/3/18

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Dream Big, Dream Often

 

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Memories and lounging pants

cup of coffee

I’m just sitting here having a coffee. The house is silent and I’m on my own for once. Jason has just left.

I remember the days when I didn’t have a minute to myself ,when the kids were younger and having to watch them like a hawk, trying to keep them away from drink, drugs and unsuitable mates. It’s no wonder I’m turning grey. My Jason was the worst of the lot, always up to something. It was a full time job trying to keep tabs on him, he was always somewhere he shouldn’t be… smoking down the lane, drinking up the fields, going on the hop from school. I thought he’d never grow up and stop annoying me. I was forever catching him sneaking out at night. He was such a little chancer. It seems like only yesterday…

  • Where do you think you’re going this hour of the night?
  • Jaysis ma, you frightened the life out of me there
  • So, where are you going?
  • Nowhere, I’m just opening the window for a bit of air. It’s roasting in here
  • So why are you wearing a tracksuit and hat if it’s so warm?
  • Well, it was cold earlier. I forgot I was wearing them
  • You must think I’m a right eejit, now get down off that windowsill and get your pyjamas on
  • I haven’t worn pyjamas since I was ten ma, will you stop
  • Well what are they under your pillow then?
  • They’re me lounging pants ma
  • Well put on your lounging pants then and get into that bed.
  • Bed? At ten o’clock ma?
  • You’ve school in the morning
  • I know ma, jaysis
  • Don’t jaysis me! You can’t get out of the bed when I call you in the mornings. It’s like trying to wake the dead
  • Leave it out ma will ye
  • No I won’t leave it out. Just wait until your da hears you were trying to sneak out again, he’ll bloody murder you
  • I wasn’t trying to sneak out
  • I wasn’t born yesterday Jason, now get into that bed before I call your father up them stairs
  • I’m not five ma, for gods sake
  • No, you’re fifteen , and you’re not leaving the house at this hour of the night
  • My mates are all still out, it’s not fair
  • There’s nothing good out at this hour of the night and you’re not going¬†gallivanting with them youngfellas off the avenue
  • Will you stop with your gallivanting ma, you sound like me nanny, and what’s wrong with¬† the lads off the avenue?
  • What’s right with them? Shower of wasters
  • Anyway I wasn’t going to meet them, I was meeting me mates Foxy and Joe
  • I thought you weren’t meeting anyone?
  • It’s only ten o’clock ma. My mates mas allow them stay out until eleven
  • Well I’m not your mates ma, and you’re not going out
  • This house is like bleedin’ Alcatraz. It’s a wonder you don’t have bars on the windows
  • Well if you keep trying to sneak out I might just get some fitted
  • What would the neighbours think ma?It’d ruin the look of the house
  • I don’t give a shite what the neighbours think, as well you know Jason Violet, so don’t try getting smart with me. Now I’m going downstairs to make a cuppa. do you want any supper
  • No
  • Right, goodnight so
  • Actually, do you have any of that apple tart left?
  • I’ll see if your da hasn’t eaten it all, come on
  • Can you bring it up to me ma?
  • There’s no room service in Alcatraz son, sorry about that
  • Right, I’ll be down in a minute so…and say nothing to da yeah?
  • I’ll think about it… now get away from that window

 

Ah he wasn’t the worst. I miss him now that he’s moved out. I can’t believe he’s all grown up and¬† living with his girlfriend now. He still comes back looking for my apple tart though.

And now he has a baby on the way. That’s what he called in to tell me. My baby is going to be a daddy.

I really hope that child gives him lakko when he’s older, just like he gave me. Give him a taste of his own medicine. Isn’t karma great all the same?

On another note….me?…a granny? jaysis, I think I need more than a coffee to let that one sink in. I’ll be sleeping with a granddad as well. Wait ’til Jimmy hears the news…

Frozen

 

  • Alright Bernie
  • I’m frozen Jimmy, put the kettle on will you
  • Where were you?
  • I went for a walk with Julie
  • In this weather?
  • I didn’t realise how cold it was. I was going mad looking at the four walls
  • It’s bleedin’ Baltic
  • Ah sure I was well wrapped up
  • You could have relapsed
  • Don’t be stupid Jimmy
  • Don’t come moaning to me if you get that flu back
  • Why would I moan to you? You’re the one who moaned about having the flu, not me.
  • I nearly died Bernie
  • You had the flu Jimmy, not the feckin’ Bubonic Plague
  • You’ve no sympathy. People died from the Aussie flu
  • Who? Who died Jimmy?
  • Well I don’t know them personally but I read it in the paper
  • Oh well if you read it in the paper it must be true
  • Conor McGregor had it
  • What’s that got to do with the price of turnips?
  • I’m just saying, him and his entire family were struck down with it over the New Year. Some of them were hospitalised
  • Did they die?
  • No but…
  • So why are you even going on about them?
  • I was only telling you
  • Oh forget it. What’s for dinner?
  • I haven’t been to the shops yet. I just came back for me purse
  • Oh right. I fancy a bit of steak
  • ¬†I don’t think I’ll bother going back out now now
  • Why? What about me dinner?
  • Imagine if I relapsed in the butchers ?
  • You’re just talking silly now
  • You said yourself, it’s Baltic out there
  • Sure can’t you take the car Bernie, come on I’ll make you a cuppa first
  • Jaysis… You’re all heart Jimmy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No cure for stupid…Aussie Rules

blonde meme

So the entire house was struck down with this winter flu bug. Christmas came and went in a fog of coughs and fevers . It’s like it never even happened. The Christmas tree only came down yesterday and I feel like Santa hasn’t even arrived yet. Today was my first day out. I was going stir crazy in the house so I walked to Spar to get some more¬† Lemsips. Madonna O’Reilly’s daughter was serving behind the counter

  • Ah hello Mrs. Violet, how are you?
  • There y’are Mandy. I didn’t know you worked here
  • I only started last week. Me ma knows the owner, she got me in ’cause I wasn’t arsed going back to school
  • How is Mad Mary?
  • Who?
  • Your ma…Our Kylie always called her Mad Mary
  • Why
  • MADonna Mary…
  • Oh yeah, ha good one Mrs. Violet. Me da just calls her Donna, but yeah you’re right she is a bit mad alright. So, what can I get for you?
  • ¬†A large packet of Lemsips please. We’re all at the tail end of that Aussie flu
  • You do look a bit rough alright
  • Thanks Mandy
  • Ah you usually look fab, it’s that flu, it’s killing us
  • Tell me about it. I feel as if I’ve done ten rounds with Conor McGregor
  • Everyone seems to have caught it. They’re dropping like flies up me mas estate, and you know I don’t think any of them have been to Australia recently. Me ma thinks it’s in the water
  • Is that right?
  • Why do we always get other countries diseases ?
  • What do you mean?
  • Well last year it was Hong Kong flu. This year it’s Australian flu. I hope they find a cure for it, not like that man flu. My granny says that’s incurable, isn’t that shocking?
  • Nothing shocks me anymore Mandy
  • You know,when I was small I had German measles. My ma¬† said she’s never been to Germany in her life. She doesn’t know how I picked it up
  • But…
  • Then there’s that Impetigo
  • That’s a skin rash Mand
  • Yeah from Impitego…that’s in Brazil or one of them countries isn’t it?
  • Did you say you weren’t going back to school love?
  • Yeah, sure I was learning nothing.
  • You don’t say?
  • School of life for me now Mrs. V. Just like me ma
  • Are you a natural blonde like your ma aswell Mandy?
  • I am, why do you ask?
  • Oh no reason
  • Well to be fair me ma does have a few highlights
  • What are they Mandy…A few vodkas and karaoke of a Saturday night?…haha
  • No, she has highlights in her hair I meant
  • Oh I know what you meant. Here…give us a packet of paracetamol with them Lemsips¬† please
  • Aw have you got a headache Mrs. V?
  • I’m getting one Mandy…I’m getting one

 

Did you ever wish you’d just stayed in bed?

I built my dreams around you

drunk christmas

So I stayed up late last night waiting for himself to get in from the pub.¬† I thought we could have a nightcap together…He got in at 2a.m.

  • I could have been someone
  • Well so could anyone
  • You took my dreams from me, when I first found you
  • Did you finish that bottle of Baileys Bernie?
  • What makes you say that Jimmy?
  • Just a hunch Bernie
  • Ah sure it’s Christmas Jimmy. Did you have a nice night?
  • Grand Bernie, just a few pints, you know yourself
  • That’s nice
  • Would you not just get into the bed Bernie instead of just lying on the duvet?
  • I will in a minute Jimmy
  • You should have just come the pub with me
  • I told you I wasn’t drinking tonight Jimmy. I’ve too much to do tomorrow. It’s Christmas Eve babe
  • I see that worked out well for you
  • Goodnight Jimmy, ye little maggot
  • Go asleep Bernie, you cheap lousy faggot
  • Merry Christmas your arse

 

…and the bells will be ringing out for Christmas Day

 

 

Daydreamer

My sister Phillo is heartbroken today. David Cassidy was her teenage idol. She had posters of him all over the bedroom wall and on the ceiling.¬† Da used to go mad at her for ripping the paint off¬† with the sellotape…

 

David Cassidy 2

  • David Cassidy but Bernie, can you believe it?
  • Too sad Phillo…too sad
  • When I hear him singing, it’s like I’m fourteen again
  • I remember you and your mates going mad for him on The Partridge Family
  • Keith, he was gorgeous
  • Keith?
  • Keith Partridge, that was his name in the show
  • Ah I’m a bit too young to remember that Phillo
  • Feck off, you’re not that much younger than me
  • I do remember him on Top of The Pops alright
  • My teenage crush
  • Da said he looked like a girl
  • The cheek of him
  • Just because he had long hair
  • …and wore a pink shirt
  • Sure aren’t all the young fellas wearing pink shirts these days
  • Da had one himself sure
  • Oh god yeah, someone bought it for him for Christmas
  • I think it was auntie Marilyn
  • Trust her, but at least it didn’t have flowers on it
  • He was dead himself before the following year
  • Probably thinking he’d rather die than wear that yoke again
  • I think he actually did say that to ma
  • Jaysis, you just don’t know do you?
  • He was no David Cassidy but was he? Lord have mercy on him
  • More David Letterman really Phillo
  • Still, David Cassidy Bernie. He was so young
  • Same age as da
  • ..and we thought he was an aulfella
  • Remember when he forgot the words of the song and we all that he was drunk
  • Was that at aunty Betty’s birthday party?
  • Not Da, ye big eejit…David Cassidy
  • Oh right yea, he fell off the stage didn’t he?, God love him.
  • Turned out he had dementia and was on medication
  • People are so quick to judge without knowing the facts aren’t they but?
  • Eh hello, you were one who said “Look at David Cassidy out of his box on stage”
  • Well you expect it with famous people don’t you? Being drunk onstage like. You don’t think of them being sick. He was really sick.
  • Rest in peace David
  • Sleep tight David… I think I love you¬† ¬†‚̧¬†