Ferero heart never won fair lady ❤️

 

  • Did you buy me chocolates Jimmy?
  • Why would I buy you chocolates?
  • For Valentines day
  • You hate all that Valentines shite
  •  I don’t hate chocolate tho’
  • There’s still half a box of Ferero left since Christmas
  • What do you mean half a box? I never even opened them
  • I had one or two the other night when you were out
  • Did ye now? Well how come there’s only a half box left?
  • Well, maybe I ate more than one or two
  • You’re an awful gannet Jimmy Violet
  • I thought you didn’t want them. They’re there since Christmas
  •  I’m on the slimming world diet, I couldn’t eat them
  • I did you a favour so
  • I was saving them for a special occasion
  • Like what?
  • Like when I lost me first stone
  • That’s kinda defeating the purpose Ber isn’t it?
  • Whatever Jimmy, ah will ye look at the time, I’m dead  late for me weigh in. DON’T eat the rest of MY Ferero before I get back
  • It’ll be my Valentines gift to you
  • Oooh Mr. Ambassador  with zees half box of Rocher you are truly spoiling meeeee
  • I really am Ber. I mean I could’ve eaten them all
  • I’ve heard it all now, giving me a half box of my own chocolates for Valentines day
  • That’s how much I love you Ber. Any more than that and you’d never reach your target. 
  • You’re all heart Jimmy  ❤
  • I do try Bernie
  • Who says romance is dead?

 

ferero

 

Knobs, knockers and chicken balls

door-knob-1

 

  • I’m off to work Jimmy
  • Where are you working today?
  • Lady Mucks house in Rathgar. She’s been on a Caribbean cruise for a month, wants the gaff cleaned before she gets home on Wednesday
  • How the other half live what?’
  • I wish someone would clean my gaff while I went off on me jollies
  • Ah you wouldn’t like it Bernie. Strangers in your house
  • It doesn’t have to be a stranger Jimmy.  I’m sure you know where the Hoover is by now
  • Ah leave it out Ber, sure I’m only in from work meself. I’m bleedin’ cream crackered
  • Well, get Whitney to do it when she gets in. She hasn’t done a tap around here all weekend
  • Where is she now?
  • She swanned off to Jens  after school instead of coming home to give me a hand.
  • Ah she’s probably studying is she?
  • Studying my arse. She spends more time up lying on her bed texting her mates than anything
  • I’ll have a word when she comes in
  • Thanks hon. Right I’m off to polish this aul ones knockers
  • Lovely image Ber
  • She likes her knockers gleaming
  • Don’t we all?
  • Dirty beggar Jimmy Violet
  • … and don’t forget to give them knobs a good polishing while you’re at it
  • Oh that reminds me, I’m getting a Chinese on the way home, do you want chicken balls with yours?
  • Nice one, and a spring roll Ber
  • We’ll be having that for afters Jimmy  😉
  • Now who’s a dirty beggar?
  • See you later…knob head  😉

 

Happy Monday everyone  🙂

 

The Epiphany

 

xmas decos

  • Oh hello Bernie
  • Howya Mrs. Flynn.Come on in, I just have the kettle boiled
  • I was just checking that there was nothing wrong
  • Everything is grand. Why do you ask?
  • Well I  haven’t seen you around for a while  and then today I was just passing and noticed you still have your Christmas tree up
  •  Yeah, it’s lovely isn’t it?
  • It’s the middle of January Bernie
  • And?
  • And what?
  • Your tree should be down
  • Who said?
  • Christmas is over, no one needs to say it
  • Well why did you have yours up in November then?
  • I like to have mine up early
  • Well maybe I like to have mine up late
  • It’s not Christmas anymore  Bernie
  • November is not Christmas either Mrs. Flynn
  • Before Christmas is different
  • How?
  • Because, it’s nice to get in the mood early
  • Well maybe I’m still in the mood
  • In January?
  • Yeah, in January
  • It’s bad luck to leave your decorations up after January 6th
  • Who said
  • Everyone knows you should take your decorations down the day after twelfth night
  • That’s only an old wives tale
  • It’s not. It’s tradition to take it down on the epiphany
  • So is it not bad luck to put your decorations up the day after Hallowe’en then?
  • I don’t think so?
  • That’s more than twelve nights. Why should you get more nights than me. I only put mine up the week before Christmas
  • It’s nothing to do with the amount of nights
  • Well what are you on about then?
  • I just think it’s ridiculous still having your tree still up on the 14th of January
  • Well I think it’s ridiculous to have your tree up on the 1st of November
  • So how long do you intend leaving it up then?
  • I’ve just had an epiphany of my own Mrs. Flynn
  • What’s that?
  • I think I’ll leave it up until next year. It would save me a lot of hassle wouldn’t it?
  • Are you serious?
  • Yeah totally. Excuse me for a minute will you Mrs.Flynn, I just need to tell himself…JIMMY, PUT THEM BOXES BACK IN THE ATTIC, I’M LEAVING THE DECORATIONS UP ‘TIL NEXT CHRISTMAS
  • That’s just madness Bernie
  • So I’m a bit mad, what else is new? D’ye want a mince pie with that tea Mrs. Flynn? They’re only out of the oven.
  • Really?
  • No, I’m only buzzin’ with you, I bought them in Aldi.

 

( I told Jimmy to take down that fucking tree before we went to Lanzarote)

 

 

 

 

 

Fatty New Year

 

fat-ass

  • Oh hello Bernadette, come in,
  • Hiya Geraldine, Jimmy said you were looking for me
  • Yes, I thought it would be nice to spend more time together. We’ve been sister in laws for a long time and we hardly ever see each other
  • Oh yeah right, and what brought this on then?
  • Well I reckon its time for making some resolutions
  • Oh so I’m one of your resolutions am I?
  • Well sort of
  • So what’s on your list then?
  • I’ve only three things so far 1. Start a diet. 2. Exercise more. 3. Give up drink.
  • For fuck sake Ger. Will you leave it out
  • What?
  •  1. There’s not a pick on you. 2. You already do yoga, Pilates, spin class and speed walking every other day. 3. You don’t even drink
  • Thanks for the encouragement Bernie. I was going to ask you to join me
  • Join you in what?
  • My New Years list
  • Thanks a bunch Ger. With in laws like you who needs a slap from someone else
  • What?
  • You telling me I need to lose weight, exercise more and give up the drink
  • Well you were complaining over Christmas  about your clothes being too tight. So if you go on a diet and walk with me everyday and stop going to the pub so often, you’ll lose loads.
  • Me go to the pub so often? Maybe you should be talking to your husband, not me
  • I’m only trying to help Bernadette
  • This list of yours
  • Yeah, what about it?
  • It sounds like a list for me…are you writing that list for me?
  • No
  • Are you saying I’m fat?
  • Not fat exactly, but…
  • Are you saying I’m not fit?
  • Well…
  • Are you saying I drink too much?
  • Well…
  • What am I? your New Years project?
  • I was only trying to help
  • If I needed help,  which I dont! You’re the last person I’d be calling, the bleedin’ cheek of you
  • I just thought we could do stuff together
  • You’re already doing everything on that list, so why write it down and show it to me? I’m not an eejit Geraldine
  • Ah just forget the list Bernie
  • No I won’t forget it … STRING BEAN GERALDINE
  • I beg your pardon?
  • That’s what everyone calls you
  • That’s not very nice
  • Hurts doesn’t it Ger? What am I ? BIG ARSE BERNIE?
  • I never said that?
  • You may as well have Geraldine, now if you’ll excuse me, I told Jimmy I’d meet him for lunch…IN THE PUB, if you don’t mind. I was going to ask you if yourself and Anto wanted to join us.
  • We’d love to have lunch with you and Jimmy, come on  I’ll drive, I’ll just go call Anthony
  • Forget it Geraldine, I’ll walk…burn a few  inches off my fat arse before I stuff my face and skull a feed of pints
  • I never said you’d a fat arse
  • You’ve said enough Geraldine. I’m not one of your lost causes
  • I’m sorry Bernadette
  • You’d better add number four to your list while you’re at it
  • What’s that?
  • Find some other gobshite to spin with
  • But Bernadette…
  • But nothing. Goodbye,and mind you don’t fall down any drains while you’re out running.

The nerve of her, skinny bitch!!

 

 

Shopaholic

silhouette-of-a-woman-shopping_1253824

  • Have you been shopping again Ber?
  • I might have
  • What’s in the bags?
  • Mind your nose
  • Why?
  • Just do Jimmy
  • Jaysis I’m only askin’
  • Well don’t
  • You’re a bleedin’ shopaholic Bernie
  • It’s the sales Jimmy. Everyone goes into the sales
  • Last week it was ‘It’s Christmas Jimmy, everyone shops at Christmas’
  • You weren’t complaining when you opened all your presents were you?
  • Did you leave anything in the shops?
  • The memory of me with my credit card
  • You spent that much?
  • You better believe it Jimmy
  • So what did you buy?
  • It’s a surprise
  • I told you not to buy me anything Ber
  • I didn’t…that’s the surprise
  • Very funny
  • I’m bringing this lot upstairs out of the way
  • Is that you finished with the sales then Ber?
  • Are you kiddin’ me Jimmy?
  • What?
  • I’ve barely started
  • Did we win the Lotto and you forgot to tell me Bernie?
  • If I won the Lotto, you’d be the first to know Jimmy
  • Really?
  • Yeah. I’d send you a postcard from the Bahamas

There is a crack in everything…That’s how the light gets in

sun-shining-through-the-clouds-2

  • What’s up with you today Bernie?
  • I’m just sad Jimmy
  • Everyone is sad today Ber
  • I just can’t believe it
  • Neither can I. It’s shocking
  • Shocking
  • What were they thinking?
  • Who?
  • The Americans
  • What’s it got to do with them?
  • They elected him
  • What? Who?
  • Trump
  • Would you ever fuck off Jimmy
  • What did I say now?
  • You think I give a shite about that orange sap today
  • I thought that’s why you were so sad
  • Why would I be sad about that gobshite?
  • It’s just so unbelievable. God help us all
  • They elected him, he’s President. End of story, nothing much we can do about it Jimmy
  • What’s up with you so?
  • Leonard Cohen died Jimmy
  • Ah fuck that Bernie, no way. Jaysis is there anyone decent left alive?
  • Puts things into perspective doesn’t it Jimmy?
  • Sure does Ber
  • …it’s time that we began
    to laugh and cry and cry and laugh about it all again