So, a few years ago,I was on a keep fit buzz. I tried everything from aerobics to zumba. I even went line dancing.😄 I heard that Olivia Newton John song on the radio today and it reminded me of one of my more adventurous attempts. What are you doing under the stairs ma?I'm looking for … Continue reading XANADU, a place where nobody dared to go 🤭
Im rehashing an old one lads, sorry about that but I haven't had a minute all week to get my AtoZ up to speed, but I know you love ma when she gets going 🤣 Anyway, you know ma loves a good funeral story.Well, she had plenty to say when I told her about Jimmy's … Continue reading Widows windows.
Ma thinks she can say what she likes, and she usually does. When she was in hospital a few years ago she was worse than ever. Auntie Lil (Ma's sister in law, who she cant stand) popped in to visit her one evening. We all know that auntie Lil would talk about herself as long … Continue reading Visitation
A few years ago now, Jimmy was out of work for a few weeks. He nearly drove me fucking mad. He was everywhere. I got up in the morning and he was waiting for his breakfast. I came back from the shops he was sitting there watching Jeremy Kyle. I was cooking the dinner and … Continue reading Under my feet…
I brought some cakes ma. Put the kettle on there.Oh lovely. What did you get?An eclair for me and a coffee slice for youAww I fancied a portfolioProfiterole maWHAT?PROFITEROLEYes pleaseI didn't buy anyYou just asked me if I wanted oneI didn'tMake your mind up will you. Did you buy portfolios or not?PRO- FIT- ER -OLESThat's … Continue reading Tea and cakes.
Maisie is in top form today🥴 Do you like shots,Bernie?From a gun or from a glass.Sure, what would you be doing with a gun?Don't tempt me to answer that one, ma.Very funny. So, do you like shots?I do love a baby guinness, that's about it.I prefer cocktails myself.Since when?Since Beyoncé introduced me to pornstar martinis. … Continue reading Shots
We need to organise mas birthday, Jackie.I thought she didn't want anything?You know she says that every year.True, she's probably expecting something.Of course she is.She'll be surprised if there's no surprise.There'd be no living with her if we do nothing.So, what's the plan?Afternoon tea with a birthday cake and presents.We'd better get some prosecco.Of course, … Continue reading Royal birthday
What would you like to do for your birthday,ma?Don't mention my birthday.Why not?I don't want to know about it. So, no cake, no presents, no party?No, I'm too old for all that. I've celebrated enough birthdays.You're such a drama queen.I'm serious, old age has nothing going for it.Get away out of that.Why would I be … Continue reading Queen
This was Easter weekend a few years ago before any grandchildren came along. When I thought my kids could be trusted. 🙄 Me and Jimmy went away for a few days over the Easter break. I'd been up to me eyes with me ma and work and the whole lot. I warned my lot not … Continue reading Party gaff
Back to 2018 when I wrote my dieting obituary. Best known for her love of karaoke and vodka shots, Bernie Rose Violet lived a full and happy life…until she decided to go on a diet. ”That was the day the music died for me” Bernie said, as she nibbled on a celery stick, and sipped … Continue reading O is for obituary