Zumba #AprilAtoZChallenge

Last day of the challenge and I’m leaving you all in a sweat. (me, not you) I got to wear the leggings and sweatband again ( Koko is mortified, but I don’t care) and I’ve finally found a fun way to exercise and keep fit. I’ve ditched the diet and joined Zumbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa  😉

Z

  • Are you alright Bernie?
  • I can’t breathe Julie
  • That was tough wasn’t it?
  • My body is fucked, I’m too old for this carry on
  • Old my arse. Did you see that aul one in front of us? She was at least seventy five
  • The one doing the slut drops?
  • Yeah, she might have looked like Madonnas ma, but jesus she had the moves of an eighteen year old
  • I never had moves like that, even when I was eighteen
  • Get away out of that I saw you doing them booty bounces, you were on fire Bernie. Eat your heart out Beyoncé
  • Says you, Nikki Minaj!
  • Ah you can’t beat a bit of twerking Bernie, but do you know what? I’m so glad I wore my knicker stickers are you?
  • I wore two, and my Bridget Jones specials as well…after my running accident, I wasn’t taking any chances
  • You did right Bernie. It was good craic though wasn’t it?
  • Brilliant Julie, but I thought we were going to do the beginners class?
  • That WAS the beginners class Bernie
  • Are you serious? I thought we’d gone to the advanced class by mistake
  • Ah, we’re just out of practice, we’ll be slut dropping with Madonnas aul one in no time
  • I’m not sure about them pelvic thrusts though Julie
  • You can practice with Jimmy for next week…you are coming back next week aren’t you?
  • Try stopping me Julie, poor Jimmy won’t know what hit him….

zumba

I think I’ve found my calling lads  😉

See you all in May 😉

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You only live once #AtoZChallenge

x

  • What’s with  the  spinning around the kitchen in your nightdress Bernie?
  • I’m practicing
  • For what?
  • I’ve signed up for a new class with Julie
  • What class needs  leg warmers and sweat bands?All you’re short of is a pair of skates
  • Roller blades Jimmy, no one skates anymore
  • Don’t tell me you’re taking up roller blading?
  • Give over Jimmy, can you see me roller blading down the avenue?
  • Hmmmmm…that’s not what Koko said
  • I’ll bleedin’ kill her…
  • You were like a bag of cats the other day, moaning about your weight and now you’re all spinny and happy,what’s happened to change your mind?
  • I just realized how lucky I am
  • Sure haven’t I been telling you that since you married me
  • Feck off Jimmy
  • You hate it when I’m right Bernie
  • No I don’t…well actually yeah I do but that’s beside the point
  • So what IS your point then?
  • We’re both very lucky Jim; We have a lovely home, a lovely family…well mostly lovely, when they’re not getting on me nerves like. We’re not short of a few bob. We don’t have much to complain about
  • Except you and your bloody diet
  • I’ve a pain in me hoop with bloody dieting
  • Does this mean you’re…sorry WE’RE ditching the diet?
  • Yeah. I never really stuck to it anyway Jimmy…and don’t mention the Big Mac!
  • I wasn’t going to say anything, I’m just delighted you’ve come to your senses at last
  • This doesn’t mean we’ll be eating shite all the time now Jimmy. We’re also lucky to be reasonably healthy, and I want to keep it that way. You only live once and life is too short to be miserable
  • And you’ve been miserable for weeks Bernie
  • So have you!
  • Only because of the rabbit food you were making me eat
  • No more rabbit food
  • Deadly; but you’re right, we are lucky, we have more than a lot of people
  • And we have each other ….big arses and all…
  • Here you, speak for yourself, there’s nothing wrong with my arse
  • I’m sure I’ll see worse tomorrow
  • I haven’t a scoobie what your on about Ber
  • My new class…with Julie. Do you be even listening to me Jimmy?
  • I’m too hungry Ber. Here, I’ll make us a fry up to celebrate the end of the diet. I’d eat a cows arse through a hedge at this moment
  • Maybe just a few rashers for me Jimmy
  • No sausage?
  • Ah go on so,  sure I can work it off, but use the grill… no more fry ups Jimmy
  • I knew it was too good to be true…

 

Only-Live-Once-537x318

Xanadu #AtoZChallenge

X (1)

  • What are you doing under the stairs ma?
  • I’m looking for Kylies old roller blades
  • For what ma?
  • For knitting a pair of gloves, what do you think?
  • Calm down ma I’m only asking
  • Have you seen them? I was sure they were under here
  • Did da not sell them in the car boot sale last year?
  • Ah for fuck sake, he did not…did he?
  • You’re the one who told him to get rid of the shite from under the stairs
  • An for once he did as I told him to …jaysis…MEN!
  • Ma, what are you wearing?
  • You can see what I’m wearing Koko
  • A leotard and leg warmers…OMG, hang on ’til I get me phone
  • Do not attempt to take a photo of me Koko, I’m warning you
  • That headband but ma…what are you like?
  • Feck off, I’m not that bad am I?
  • I’m saying nothing, but holy god ma, are you thinking of going out like that…on roller blades?
  • Well not anymore, now that I’ve no roller blades, anyway I was only going to go down the garden path
  • Yeah, down on your face ma. When was the last time you went on blades?
  • Well I had a pair of skates when I was 12…
  • Ah ma, you really are gas. You’d break your neck
  •  I was watching Xanadu on Netflix and Olivia Newton John made it all look so easy
  • Ma, you pissed your knickers when you tried running with auntie Julie, can you imagine what would happen on roller blades?
  • Yeah, you’re right Koko. Who am I kidding, I’m too old for this lark
  • You’re not old ma, but…
  • But what?
  • Lose the headband and leg warmers … the eighties are over
  • Not a word to your da about this, do you hear me!
  • I wouldn’t say a thing ma, but can I just take one photo to show Kylie
  • Feck off…

What WAS I thinking 😩

🎶🎶 A place where nobody dared to go… lalalalalalala
They call it Xanaduuuu🎶🎶

Weight not want not #AprilAtoZChallenge

W

  • Where are you off to today Bernie?
  • Shopping with Julie
  • Again?I predict the smell the credit card melting
  • I’m not buying anything; we’re just looking
  • Are you not well?
  • I’m buying nothing until I lose weight
  • You must have lost some weight by now.
  • Don’t start with me Jimmy
  • You’re the one eating sneaky rasher sambos and big Macs
  • ONE rasher sandwich, and ONE big Mac, Jesus make me feel guilty why don’t you
  • You’re the one complaining about not losing weight, and I’m sick of this diet. How long are you…sorry WE on it
  • Too bleedin’ long, and anyway, don’t be getting all judgemental with me, I know you’ve been down eating dinners in your mas, then coming back here for your salad
  • A man can’t survive on lettuce alone
  • Well I’m expected to
  • Well you’re obviously wasting your time
  • Thanks very much for the vote of confidence
  • Anyway, you don’t need to lose weight
  • Nothing fits me Jimmy. I feel huge
  • You’re not huge
  • All of my clothes are tight on me
  • So buy bigger clothes…or stop with the sneaky rasher sambos
  • Are you looking for a slap in the head?
  • What?
  • I don’t want to buy bigger clothes. I want to fit into the ones I have
  • They look fine on you
  • They do not! They make me look like an elephant…and if you mention that rasher sandwich again I swear I’ll swing for you
  • It’s all in your mind Bernie, you look the same as you always do
  • So you’re saying I always look fat?
  • You don’t look fat
  • You see me everyday, so you don’t notice
  • I notice that you’re grand just the way you are

I don’t know whether to hit him or hug him!

😡😡😡

Vinyasa Yoga #AtoZChallenge

V

  • Hiya Ma
  • Hiya Kylie
  • So what’s new?
  • Vinyasa yoga
  • What’s that when it’s at home?
  • Vinyasa Yoga aligns movement and breath in a smoothly flowing sequence.
  • What?
  • It’s a challenging practice designed to bring complete awareness of your posture, alignment, and patterns of movement.
  • You sound like you’re reading from a brochure ma
  • With Vinyasa Yoga you’ll achieve total wellbeing by nurturing deep inner relaxation while building outer strength, endurance, and flexibility.
  • You ARE  reading from a brochure
  • Emmm, yeah, Patchoulli dropped it over
  • So are you going to do it then?
  • I’m thinking about it
  • Well you’ve tried everything else so you may as well
  • Vinyasa Yoga classes are a great place to start or to continue on the path to a healthy body and mind
  • You’re still reading from the brochure aren’t you Ma?
  • Yeah
  • So?
  • I’m not sure about the flexibility part Kylie
  • Why?
  • I’m only free on Tuesdays and Fridays
  • 😂😂😂😂

yoga

Talking to myself

T

Sometimes, you’re the only one who’ll listen…

 

  • Morning Bernie
  • Alright Bernadette
  • How’s things?
  • Grand
  • Any news?
  • Nothing? You?
  • You don’t look the best Bernie
  • You’re not looking too hot yourself Ber
  • I’m knackered to be honest
  • I know how you feel, it’s this bloody…
  • …diet
  • Ah I’m sick of it now
  • Me too. All I can think of is food
  • …and how to get out of excercising
  • Why do you put yourself through it Bernie?
  • Fucked if I know Ber…all this shite just to get into a swimsuit for a week in Toremolinos
  • We can’t give up but, not while everyone is watching
  • ”We know you can do it Bernie” ”You’re doing great Bernie”
  • …while they stuff their faces in front of you
  • Fuckers
  • Yeah…fuckers
  • You don’t have to tell them you’ve given up
  • They’ll know, they watch every bit you put into your mouth
  • ”There goes your diet Bernie…I knew you wouldn’t stick it Bernie” I can hear them now
  • People only believe what they see…and they don’t have to see everything
  • No they don’t, do they?
  • Oh look it’s breakfast time? What are we having today Bernie? Muesli? Quinoa porridge? kitty litter on toast?
  • I fancy a dirty big rasher sandwich on white bread
  • Lovely…with ketchup
  • And a large mug of tea
  • Good woman
  • Diet my arse Bernie
  • Your arse is grand Bernie
  • Yeah it is isn’t it…one rasher or two?

Lovely

rasher sandwich