- What are you doing with the pin Bernie?
- Apart from stickin’ it in your arse ye mean?
- Why? What did I do?
- I just got off the phone from Ger
- Ger Byrne?
- No, your sister in law Ger
- Oh right, how’s young Petrocelli doin’
- Her name is Patchouli Jimmy, for fuck sake, how many times have you to be told?
- Yeah yeah, whatever
- Anyway, stop changin’ de subject
- What subject?
- Of you tellin’ Ger I couldn’t wait to go to the health farm with her. How I was counting the minutes ’til de weekend
- Oh that, yeah, ha right
- You’re not bleedin’ funny Jimmy
- Well you were de one who said you didn’t want her to know you didn’t want to go
- So, you decided to tell her I was livin’ for it?
- Ah now I wouldn’t go that far Ber
- Well I would! It took me ages to convince her to give my place to Willow
- But sure she was tryin’ to book Willow in yesterday when I was over. Practically begged yer one to squeeze her in for de weekend.
- …and you didn’t think to tell me that? Or to suggest Willow went instead of me?
- …well it wasn’t my place
- My arse Jimmy. You’re such a knob head sometimes.
- No need for dat talk Bernie
- Ders every need Jimmy Violet
- Anyway, what’s dat got to do with you brandishing a pin in my direction
- I’m goin’ to stick it in a map of Spain
- Because wherever it lands, is where I’m goin’
- The weekend I was meant to go to the Health farm
- Because I’m SOOOOO disappointed I’m not going with Ger, I need to get away
- On yer own?
- Julie’s comin’ with me
- I thought she was lookin’ after her sick mother
- Her ma is much better now and her auntie May is comin’ over to visit, so Julie is free for de week. Right ,hold dat map straight for me ‘
- Mind where yer wavin dat pin, will ye open yer eyes Bernie
- Right, where did it land?
- Give us a look Ber. Sierra Nevada. That’s a mountain range. Are yiz goin’ mountain climbin’?
- Fuck off, give us yer pen for a minute
- Here. What’s that for
- X marks de spot Jimmy
- Benidorm? Dat’s bleedin’ miles from there
- Close enough for me Jimmy
- You’re some bleedin’ chancer. I bet you already have Benidorm booked haven’t ye
- Ask no questions Jim Bob…right I’m off out to buy a new swimsuit. See ye later alligater…your dinner is in de chipper
- That’s lovely alright!
Don’t you just love it when a plan comes together 😉
- Hiya Ger
- Oh Bernie how are you?
- Grand, just ringin’ to see how Pat’s doin’?
- Patchoulli is much better thanks.
- Ah great. Ray said she was very bad
- It was very traumatic,having a dead animal inside her
- It was only a burger Ger, and sure there’s feck all meat in dem things inannyway
- Meat is meat Bernadette. The whole episode was very upsetting for her.
- Ah well, she’s on de mend now, dat’s the main thing Ger
- She’s really looking forward to our weekend
- Ah dat’s nice, and how’s Willow?
- Delighted to be home from college. She’s teaching Patchoulli Lunaception at the moment
- What’s that?
- It helps regulate menstruation by aligning your cycle with the moon
- Far out man. So what’s Willow up to while we’re away?
- Oh she’ll keep herself busy with her Pilates and catching up with friends
- It’s a pity she couldn’t come with us
- Well, I did think of bringing her but the Spa is all booked up that weekend.
- Aww no way. Dat’s a bummer Ger
- She was disappointed
- Such a pity
- I know. It would have been so lovely for us all to have a bonding mother/daughters session in a calm environment. It’s been so long since the three of us have spent time together
- That would have been lovely aright Ger
- Oh well never mind
- D’ye know what Ger, I’ve a great idea. How about Willow going in my place
- Oh Bernadette, I couldn’t ask that of you
- You’re not askin’. I’m offerin’
- But you’ve been so looking forward to it. Jimmy was only saying yesterday that you were counting the days
- Was he now?
- He said how excited you were
- Did he really?
- So thanks but I couldn’t ruin your weekend
- Ah Ger, to be honest, I wouldn’t enjoy meself knowin’ poor Willow was home alone. Especially since she’s been so long away. So, I insist she goes in my place
- Bernadette, I don’t know what to say. You are so so kind, no matter what Lily says
- What was his ma sayin’ about me?
- Oh , em, nothing, sorry, I’m always putting my foot in my mouth
- I know who’s mouth I’d like to put my foot in
- I can’t wait to tell the girls the good news. I can’t thank you enough
- Not at all Ger. Look, you just go and have a lovely time with your girlos.
- Willow will be delighted. Thanks again Bernie
- You’re more than welcome Geraldine.
Yes!!! Now wait ’til I see dat Jimmy fella!!
- Prince Julie, I can’t believe it
- Me neither Ber
- He was great tho’ wasn’t he.
- Brillo. Him and Bowie. Two of me faves
- What’s goin’ on at all this year? All de celebs droppin’ like flies
- Makes ye wonder who’s next
- Makes ye glad ye stayed ou’ve showbiz Jules
- True Bernie
- Julie and Bernie, Irelands answer to Pepsi and Shirley
- We had all de moves
- We thought we were de business
- We were de business…haha. What was your favourite Prince song Ber?
- U got the look, remember with Sheena Easton…
#U got the look (U got the look)
U must’a took (U must’a took)
A whole hour just 2 make up your face, baby
Closin’ time, ugly lights, everybody’s inspected (everybody’s inspected)
But U are a natural beauty unaffected (unaffected)
Did I say an hour?
My face is red, I stand corrected (I stand corrected)#
- Ye never lost it Ber
- Who’re ye tellin’ Jules
- Don’t give up de day job bu’
- Get lost you!. What’s your favourite Prince song den?
- Raspberry Beret
#She wore a raspberry beret
The kind U find in a second hand store
And if it was warm she wouldn’t wear much more
I think I love her#
- I think you were right tho’ Ber
- About what?
- About us staying out of show business
- You speak for yourself Julie
R.I.P. PRINCE. Nothing compares to you 😦
- Hello Bernadette
- Geraldine, how’s tings? Did Julie ring you about the weekend?
- She did, and I have some good news and some bad news
- Tell me
- The bad news is, Patchouli is not well at all
- …and the good news is, you can’t come either
- On the contrary Bernadette. Patchouli is coming with us. Isn’t that great?
- Bleedin’ wonderful Ger
- I knew you’d be pleased
- What’s up with her anyway?
- She’s been up vomiting all night and rolling around in pain. We thought it was appendicitis so we brought her to A&E but it turns out she has severe food poisoning
- Jasus, did she eat a dodgy falafel or what?
- No, it was a burger at a friends barbecue
- I thought she was vegan?
- She thought it was a tofu burger
- Ah that’s gas… I mean, that’s terrible Ger
- She’s utterly traumatised Bernadette, as you can imagine
- Aww ye Ger, I can imagine it aright
- The break will do her good, it’s like it was meant to be that Julie couldn’t come isn’t it?
- Ah sure weren’t you blessed dat Julies ma got sick Geraldine? Great timing alright.
- Anyway, I’ve heard that there’s a wonderful vegan guru at the health farm. I’ve booked a consultation with him for her.
- So it’s me, you and Patchouli
- Yes, I’m so excited, are you?
- Over de bleedin’ moon Ger
How de fuck am I gonna get out of dis one?