Whitney dropped in to visit me ma. I should have known she’d be spilling the beans on me when I was young. She has a memory like an elephant that aul one I swear to God…

• Howya nanny
• I’m grand love. How are you?
• I’m alright
• Come over to me so I can see you
• Is this close enough nanny?
• What happened to your trousers Whitney?
• What do you mean?
• Is that a hole in the knee?
• Yeah it is nanny
• Pass me my sewing basket and I’ll sew them up for you
• No, it’s grand nanny
• Does your mother not have a sewing kit?
• Yeah she does but I don’t want them sewn, it’s the fashion
• They’re ripped to pieces. Are you sure you didn’t have a fall?
• No nanny, I bought them like this
• What on earth possessed you to buy ripped jeans?
• I told you. It’s the fashion
• What sort of fashion is that in the name of God?
• Ripped jeans fashion I suppose
• Are your knees not freezing?
• No, I’m grand nanny
• Does your ma let you out like this?
• Yeah
• I don’t know why I’m surprised. She was as bad as you back in her day
• Was she nanny?
• I remember giving her the money for a new pair of jeans for the disco and what did she do? She took me good kitchen scissors to them. Ripped them to shreds she did
• Did she nanny? Ah that’s gas
• Indeed it was not gas at the time. Your granddad was going to kill her ‘Spending my hard earned  money on clothes for her to cut them to bits’ he said
• What did he do?
• He threw them in the bin and refused to buy her another stitch
• I bet me ma went mad did she?
• The little rip, took them out of the bin when he was gone to work. She was as brazen as hell that one. She thought I didn’t know but I saw her up town wearing them with her belly top and black leather jacket
• My ma the rebel, ah wait til I see her
• She was a rebel. She got herself a part time job after that so she’d have her own money. Spent it all on clothes she did
• And she went mad at me when I bought these jeans
• Don’t mind her, she’s probably jealous she can’t wear the like of that any more at her age
• I don’t know nanny, me ma often borrows my stuff
• That Bernie one, will she ever grow up?

Never  :p