So, Jimmy came home early from work. Delighted so I was, for about five minutes…

Are you done for the day, Jimmy?

Yeah, thank god, we got that job finished at last.

That’s great, so you can get started here.

I told Marian I’d pop up and do that bit of painting for her

Marian who?

Me mas friend.

You’re painting for your mas friend? Today?

Yeah why?

Ehhh, look around you, Jimmy.

For what?

I’ve been asking you to paint this kitchen since last May, and you keep saying you’re too busy.

Well I have been too busy.

Not today.

I am today. I told you I’m painting for Marian. I promised her I’d do it as soon as I could.

And what about your promises to me, Jimmy?

I never promised. To be honest I can’t see anything wrong with the kitchen.

It hasn’t been painted in five years, Jimmy.

Is it that long? It’s looking grand.

It’s not grand, it’s manky.

Well, I’ll try to do it when I’m finished Marians.

Why can’t you do Marian’s when you’re finished here.

I’ve already told her I’d be up this afternoon.

Well, I just hope she’s paying you this time.

Well…

Are you fucking serious, Jimmy? You’re leaving my kitchen in this state to go do a thank you job for your mas next door neighbour?

Well, I can hardly charge her, Bernie. She’s a pensioner.

Marian Murphy is only seventy three and has had more holidays than I’ve had Sunday dinners…pensioner my arse. That aul one is loaded.

But she’s me mas friend, and me ma keeps pestering me about it.

Oh I knew, Lily of the valley would have something to do with this.

What do you mean?

Your ma says ‘jump’ and you say’ is that high enough ma?’

Leave it out, Bernie. They’ve had it tough since the past two years.

I will not leave it out. I’m sick of you being at your mas beck and call, morning noon and night, and now she has you running after her neighbours.

It’s only a bit of painting, Ber.

It’s always something with your ma. If it’s not her , it’s her cronies, ringing you every five minutes.

You’ll be old someday, Bernie, and you’ll be glad of your kids helping you out.

I’ll be in a fucking nursing home before that painting gets done.

Don’t exaggerate.

Maybe I’ll ask J.R. to do it.

That fella hasn’t got off his arse since he got home from America last year. He wont get a job so he’s hardly going to do a bit of painting for you.

He’ll do it if I ask him.

You need to get him out of the bed first.

Oh you just go up to Marians and leave J.R. to me.

I’ll be back by dinner time.

No rush.

Thanks Ber. I knew you’d understand.

No, I mean don’t be rushing back for dinner, I won’t be making any.

You’re very bitter, Bernie.

Do you blame me? Let Marian feed you.

She’s actually in Kerry for the weekend, I said I’d do it while She’s away.

Are you deliberately trying to wind me up?

No, I…

Oh I get it, April fool. You had me there for a minute.

Emmmm….

You’re an awful messer, Jimmy.

Ha, yeah, joker, that’s me. Anyway I’ll see you later.

What? Get back here. I got the joke.

Won’t be long, Ber.

Stop messing, Jimmy.

See you in a bit, love.

JIMMY, you’re not funny anymore…JIMMMMMYY.

******

A is also for arsehole 😡