Cry me a river #AprilatoZchallenge


I thought I had it bad looking after me ma. She has us run ragged; up and down the stairs day and night because she refuses to get out of the bloody bed.

She has her breakfast dinner and tea up there. No sooner am I down the stairs, trying to have a bit to eat meself, when she’s banging on the floor with her walking stick. But, holy god, some people have it worse than us; Jackie Byrne for example. I bumped into her in Lidl the other day. The poor girl looked worn out. I say girl, but my god, she looked like an old woman…

  • Howya Bernie.
  • Jackie, long time no see. How are things?
  • Not too bad Bernie, they could be worse I suppose, how’s your ma?
  • She’s grand Jackie, just old age getting her down. She’s taken to her bed since Christmas and she has us all running after her like blue arsed flies.
  • Cry me a river, Bernie; sure me da’s the same since me ma died.
  • I was sorry to hear about your ma Jackie; lovely woman she was.
  • I know, I’m heartbroken Bernie.
  • Ah Jackie, and there’s me giving out about my ma and you’d give anything to have yours back.
  • It’s alright Bernie, sure we all give out about our folks at one stage or another, and I know how you feel. Da has me run off me feet, I haven’t a minute to meself between looking after him and me own.
  • How’s he keeping these days?
  • He’s in good form but missing me ma something terrible. she did everything for him, and now I’ve to carry on where she left off. I’m his sole carer now. The joys of being an only child wha’?
  • I thought you had an older brother.
  • I thought I did too, but since Leslie moved to Waterford, we’ve hardly seen him.
  • Does he not come up to visit or help out with your da?
  • Are you having a laugh? That lazy fucker wouldn’t  scratch his arse, never mind help me da.
  • It’s a long way from Waterford but.
  • Not too far to come scrounging for a few bob off me poor ma and da when his dole ran out.
  • Oh, is he still out of work?
  • Work? Would ye stop. If there was work in the bed, that fella would sleep on the floor.
  • You should ring him, ask him to help out sometime.
  • I’ll wring his neck Bernie, that’s about it. Look it, I’d better run, me da will be waiting. It’s shower day today.
  • You’ve to shower your da by yourself?
  • Yeah, jesus help me. I never thought I’d see the day that I’d be scrubbing me da’s willy, but there you go. Haha; You never know what’s round the corner.
  • Ah Jackie, I don’t know how you keep your sense of humour with all you’ve to do.
  • If I didn’t laugh I’d cry, Bernie; and if I start crying, sure I’d probably never stop.

…and I think I have it bad 😦


The Big Reveal… Ma and me



I hate to tell you but I’ll be talking the same aul shite through April. The only difference it will be with my mammy. She’s not as young as she used to be and so she needs a bit of looking after. I’ll be spending a lot of the month of April with her, so what better way to vent my frustrations ( yeah I do get a bit hyper when I have to spend a lot of time with me ma…don’t judge me until you’ve tried it) than to put it all down on paper and share with with my blogging buddies. Bear with me lads because I’m sure it won’t all be fun and games in ma’s gaf. If you’re offending by bad language ( me), and swearing (ma) you’d better stay clear. See yis all in April.  😉 I would appreciate the support and some words of wisdom and maybe some shoulders to cry on when I eventually hit the vodka. ( Only buzzing with yis, she’s not that bad …we’ll see )






I’m changing me name I swear to God. It was bad enough when they were kids. It was non stop all day

Ma I’m hungry

Ma I’m thirsty

Ma can I have a drink

Ma he hit me

Ma, ma, ma

Jasus me head was forever melted listening to them. I thought I’d have a quiet life when they grew up. I thought wrong. Kylie and Jason are the worst.

  • Ma
  • What?
  • Did you put the immersion on
  • Yeah
  • Ma
  • What?
  • Did you see my good shirt?
  • Which one?
  • The blue one
  • It’s hanging in your wardrobe
  • Not that one, me other blue one
  • Will that one not do ye?
  • No, I want me good one
  • Look in the ironing basket
  • Ma
  • What?
  • Will you iron it for me
  • No, I’m going out
  • Ah Ma please. I’m in a hurry
  • So am I. Ask Kylie to do it
  • She won’t, she’s a lazy bitch
  • And what does that make you?
  • It makes me knackered after working all day
  • She works aswell
  • Ye, she must be worn out painting aul ones nails all day
  • I don’t get paid enough for this shite
  • I give you fifty quid a week
  • You wouldn’t get a bed in a hostel for that
  • Karl’s ma doesn’t take any money from him
  • Well go live with Karl’s ma then
  • Ah, you’d miss me if I moved out
  • Prove it
  • Ah ma, you’re gas
  • Oh give me the bleedin’ shirt
  • Thanks ma. I’ll just go have a shower
  • Go
  • Ma
  • What?
  • Did you buy any shower gel?
  • It’s in the press under the sink
  • Ma
  • What?
  • Throw us up a towel will ye
  • Do you want me to wash your arse while I’m at it
  • Ah Ma, leave it out will ye

In walks Kylie…

  • Ma
  • What?
  • What’s for dinner?
  • Chicken
  • Again
  • What do you mean again?
  • We’re always having chicken
  • Count yourself lucky.
  • How is having chicken lucky?
  • Poor people in other countries would love chicken for their dinner.
  • Well send them mine then
  • Don’t be so cheeky madam.
  • Ma, you sound like granny
  • What do you mean?
  • Going on about poor people in other countries
  • Well it’s true. You lot don’t know you’re born
  • Haha, granny says that too
  • Well your granny is right
  • Ma
  • What?
  • Can I have something else for dinner?
  • You can have whatever you like love
  • Ah thanks Ma
  • The takeaway menus are in the drawer there
  • Ah Ma, I can’t afford takeaway. I don’t get paid ‘til Friday
  • You’re having chicken so
  • Ma?
  • What?
  • Give us a lend of a tenner will ye?
  • For what?
  • To order a curry
  • You only eat chicken curry
  • I know
  • You just said you were sick of chicken
  • Chinese is different
  • Yeah ’cause it’s probably not even chicken
  • Ma!

Give me patience!!!