I remember when the twins, Kylie and Jason emigrated to Australia and young J.R. fecked off to America on a J1 visa, there was just me, Jimmy, Whitney and Koko left. I sobbed me heart out at the airport. Don’t get me wrong, I was delighted they were spreading their wings, but I just felt so sad. I know I was always moaning at them to clean their rooms, tidy  the kitchen when they were finished feeding themselves and half the neighbourhood kids. I nagged them to call or text me if they were going to be late home, and to stop treating the house like a bleedin’ Hotel, and bringing their mates back every Saturday night for sessions in me kitchen, but I missed them something terrible and the house was very quiet without them. Well, let me tell you, the  quietness didn’t last for long when the other pair took over where their siblings left off…

• WHITNEY! KOKO! Get out of that bed and down them stairs now and clean this mess. I’m sick of this shite every Saturday morning.
• …
• HELLO! Is there anyone alive up there?
• …
• Am I talking to meself?
• …
• I’m not cleaning it, and I’m NOT getting rid of your bottles and cans again.
• …
• Who was smoking in the conservatory? There’s butts everywhere. Oh my god, someone’s used me good Aynsley dish as an ashtray. I got that for a wedding present from your aunty Marilyn.
• …
• HELLLOOOOOOOOO. Don’t make me come up them stairs.
• …
• Right, that’s it. Wait until your da sees the state of this place.
• …
• For fuck sake are yiz all dead or what? Well, all I can say is you’d better be dead, because when I get up them stairs I’m gonna bleedin’ kill yiz.

And there was me crying over me empty nest…I should be so lucky.