So, Jimmy rang to say he’s making dinner tonight.
- You take your time in your mas Bernie. Dinner will be ready when you get home.
- Seriously?
- Don’t sound so surprised. I have cooked before.
- You’ve gone to the chipper and emptied the fish and chips onto the plates when you brought them home.
- Stop nit picking Bernie. Do you want me to cook or not?
- Knock yourself out Jimmy, so what are you making then?
- Crispy Duck
- You what?
- I got the recipe from Jamie Oliver.
- When were you talking to Jamie Oliver?
- He was on the telly. Jamie’s 15- minute meals.
- Very nice. So have you started yet?
- I’m just about to. Do we have any noodles?
- In the top cupboard.
- Great, oh what about pancakes?
- What about them?
- Do we have any?
- Are you not making them?
- I can’t make pancakes. Ah sure we can do without them.
- Right so.
- Have we any hoi sin sauce?
- Would you feck off Jimmy, what would I be doing with hoi sin sauce?
- Never mind; I’ll improvise. Do we have any soy sauce and scallions?
- Maybe we should just have chipper again tonight, Jimmy.
- No no no, I said I was cooking, so I’m cooking.
- I’ll be home in fifteen minutes then.
- Take your time, it’ll be ready in about an hour.
- But…
- What?
- Nothing Jimmy. See you in an hour so.
Fifteen minute meals me arse…I hope he’s not expecting me to wash up.
Diary of a Dublin Housewife 
I’ve been reading back through your posts and having a good chuckle. The phraseology is so typically Irish and the experiences so universal ….love it!
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Of course. If you cook, you are expected to clean your own mess. If they cook, you are expected to be so grateful you clean their mess (which is worse than yours because you clean after yourself as you go along and they don’t).
Hope it was at least edible.
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It’s a pain in the arse when he attempts to cook. I’d rather do it meself.
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