Empty Nest ( I wish) #AtoZChallenge

E

I remember when the twins, Kylie and Jason emigrated to Australia and young J.R. fecked off to America on a J1 visa, there was just me, Jimmy, Whitney and Koko left. I sobbed me heart out at the airport. Don’t get me wrong, I was delighted they were spreading their wings, but I just felt so sad. I know I was always moaning at them to clean their rooms, tidy  the kitchen when they were finished feeding themselves and half the neighbourhood kids. I nagged them to call or text me if they were going to be late home, and to stop treating the house like a bleedin’ Hotel, and bringing their mates back every Saturday night for sessions in me kitchen, but I missed them something terrible and the house was very quiet without them. Well, let me tell you, the  quietness didn’t last for long when the other pair took over where their siblings left off…

  • WHITNEY! KOKO! Get out of that bed and down them stairs now and clean this mess. I’m sick of this shite every Saturday morning.
  • HELLO! Is there anyone alive up there?
  • Am I talking to meself?
  • I’m not cleaning it, and I’m NOT getting rid of your bottles and cans again.
  • Who was smoking in the conservatory? There’s butts everywhere. Oh my god, someone’s used me good Aynsley dish as an ashtray. I got that for a wedding present from your aunty Marilyn.
  • HELLLOOOOOOOOO. Don’t make me come up them stairs.
  • Right, that’s it. Wait until your da sees the state of this place.
  • For fuck sake are yiz all dead or what? Well, all I can say is you’d better be dead, because when I get up them stairs I’m gonna bleedin’ kill yiz.

And there was me crying over me empty nest…I should be so lucky.

clean up

 

 

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Queer as folk #AtoZChallenge

Q 2017

  • Olive Byrne’s young fella came out at the weekend ma
  • Out where?
  • You know…OUT. He told her he’s gay
  • Is he sure he’s gay? It could just be a phrase.
  • IT’S A PHASE MA
  • Exactly Bernie.You know what young people are like these days
  • I’m sure he knows if he’s gay or not ma
  • Wasn’t he over in America last summer?
  • What’s that got to do with anything?
  • Maybe that’s where he got the idea?
  • What idea?
  • To be gay Bernie
  • You don’t just decide to be gay ma. You’re born that way.
  • I’m not so sure Bernie
  • So you think he woke up one morning and said, ‘Hey I’m in America, I think I’ll be gay now’
  • Well he got it from somewhere
  • You’re born gay ma. You don’t just catch it, like the measles or the chicken pox
  • Well I don’t remember him being queer before he went over there
  • Stop saying queer ma
  • What?
  • YOU CAN’T SAY QUEER
  • It’s the same as gay.
  • Queer means a bit odd. He’s not odd.
  • Well gay used to mean happy.How come you can say gay and not queer.
  • You just can’t, and anyway you don’t go away and just come back gay
  • At least Olive will have someone to go shopping with now
  • So, because he’s gay, he’s going to go shopping with his mammy?
  • It’s what the gays do Bernadette.
  • How would you know what gays do ma?
  • I know more than you do Bernadette. I wonder does he know Barry and Mark?
  • Who?
  • The gays across the road Bernie.
  • Ma just because he’s gay doesn’t mean he knows everyone that’s gay
  • I must ask Leonard at the dancing this week
  • Ma, stop it
  • You’re right, Leonard is too old, I’ll just ask Barry and Mark so

 

Give me patience with this woman!

#Itsnotok

trumpa-lumpa

 

  • What d’ye think of that gobshite Trump?
  • Don’t get me started on that Oompa Loompa sleaze bag Jimmy
  • Ye don’t like him then?
  • Like him? I’d like to box the head off him, the dirty fecker
  • ‘Locker room banter’ says he
  • I don’t care where he was…in a bar, in the office, at the bleedin’ bus stop…it’s not OK to treat women like that
  • Giving all of us men a bad name he is
  • Thank God all men aren’t like him.
  • He thinks he can do as he likes because of who he is…malignant little fucker
  • Imagine groping a woman just because you feel like it.
  • Not nice Bernie. Not nice.
  • I’d like to see him try grope me, he wouldn’t know what hit him
  • Jaysis Bernie, I wouldn’t fancy his chances
  • He’d have a fair chance of having his mickey in a splint Jimmy
  • Ouch Bernie
  • …and that’s only for starters. The state of him, the manky git
  • I think Hillary could do with you on her team
  • I’m not saying I’m all for Hillary either but jaysis, she’s better than that dirt bag
  • He thinks he’s invincible Bernie. Is there anyone he won’t target to get to the top? Immigrants? Jews? Mexicans?Muslims? Gays?
  • How the hell did he get to be a presidential candidate?
  • Fucked if I know or understand Americans Ber
  • His supporters love him, they don’t care what he says or does
  • He’s making eejits out of them all.
  • Brainwashed  by a perverted oompa loompa with a bad hair do
  • God help America
  • God help us all…