I sent me ma to rehab and she said ‘no no no’

I went in to see ma today. She had to go to rehab after her knee op. It’s only for a few weeks but she thinks she’ll never get home…


  • Howya ma
  • Hello Bernadette
  • Oh Bernadette now is it?
  • It’s your name isn’t it?
  • What’s up with you today? You’re in a right mood
  • You know what’s up…same thing that was up yesterday and last week and the week before that
  • What?
  • This place
  • What’s wrong with it?
  • It’s full of old people
  • You’re old
  • What?
  • Are you cold?
  • Indeed I’m not, sure it’s like an oven in this place.
  • Alright, I was only asking
  • Why would you be asking if I’m cold
  • I’m just concerned because I know old people feel the cold more than young ones
  • Well I’m sweating and the sooner I’m out of this place the better
  • They can’t let you out until you’re mobile ma
  • I am mobile.
  • You’re not ma
  • There’s nothing wrong with me
  • Grand. Do you want to go for a walk outside in the sunshine so?
  • That would be lovely Bernie. I could do with a breath of fresh air
  • Come on then, I’ll hoosh you up
  • Take it easy Bernie. Jaysisssss….no no no
  • No what? What’s wrong with you? Calm down for fuck sake
  • Me knee, that’s what’s wrong with me
  • Here ma link me while we’re walking
  • Indeed I wont link you. I’m not walking anywhere. Go get me a wheelchair
  • But I thought…
  • What? What did you think Bernie?
  • Nothing ma….’nurse any chance of a wheelchair for me ma’

‘Jaysisssssss is right!


5 thoughts on “I sent me ma to rehab and she said ‘no no no’

  1. Remember how I prescribed vodka for your visits with her? I’m going to augment that now with a prescription to record your conversationsā€”your phone will do just fine, or you can carry a special digital recorder if you want to get fancy.

    You don’t need to suddenly become the Bernie who always whips it out (though she sounds like a hoot) but for those cases where you find yourself grinding your molars down to nubs to keep from screaming “You LITERALLY just said,” it could be a real money saver.

    Liked by 1 person

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