Que Sera Sera

It’s Maisies last week in the nursing home. I know she secretly loves it but she just won’t admit it…

  • Heya ma
  • Hello Bernadette
  • How are you getting on?
  • Awful
  • Why? Did you not do your physio today?
  • I did
  • Well, how was it
  • Grand
  • Well then?
  • Well then what?
  • Why did you say awful?
  • I’m talking about this place
  • It’s lovely ma
  • You stay here then if it’s so lovely
  • What do you not like about it?
  • The food is shite
  • What did you have for your lunch?
  • Chicken and ham with carrots and potatoes and parsley sauce
  • Sounds lovely.
  • It was alright
  • Did you get dessert?
  • Jelly and ice cream
  • Very nice
  • It was alright
  • Did you not eat your lunch then?
  • Of course I ate it
  • It can’t have been that bad so
  • I was starving Bernie. I’d have eaten the leg of the table with no salt I was so hungry
  • Oh, did you not have breakfast then?
  • I did. Porridge,a boiled egg, brown bread,tea, toast and marmalade
  • Is that all? No wonder you were starving by lunch time two hours later..
  • Three hours actually
  • Marie said you’d a great time at the bingo last night and you really enjoyed the singalong on Saturday
  • What would Marie know?
  • She’s one of the carers ma. She sees you everyday. She said you love it and get on great with the other patients
  • Did she now?
  • She did ma
  • I sit with Rita at the Bingo
  • Ah that’s great that you’ve made a friend
  • …and Nora, she’s great at the singing
  • Two new friends?
  • There’s Eileen as well, but  she hasn’t a note in her head , she thinks she’s Vera Lynn.
  • They can’t all be good singers ma
  • It’s just as well most of them are deaf in here, that’s all I can say
  • Did you sing on Saturday night  ma?
  • Well, they insisted. I had no choice
  • Que sera sera?
  • You know I love a bit of Doris Day Bernie
  • I’d say you were great
  • I had to do an encore…The Black hills of Dakota
  • They’ll miss you when you go home ma
  • D’ye think so Bernie?
  • I know so ma…and you’ll miss them
  • No I won’t.
  • You will, just wait and see
  • I won’t
  • Not even Rita?
  • Well maybe Rita…
  • What about Nora and Eileen
  • Maybe Nora, but not Eileen
  • Because she’s a crap singer?
  • No, because she’s a pain in the arse!

Takes one to know one sometimes I suppose!

 

 

I sent me ma to rehab and she said ‘no no no’

I went in to see ma today. She had to go to rehab after her knee op. It’s only for a few weeks but she thinks she’ll never get home…

 

  • Howya ma
  • Hello Bernadette
  • Oh Bernadette now is it?
  • It’s your name isn’t it?
  • What’s up with you today? You’re in a right mood
  • You know what’s up…same thing that was up yesterday and last week and the week before that
  • What?
  • This place
  • What’s wrong with it?
  • It’s full of old people
  • You’re old
  • What?
  • Are you cold?
  • Indeed I’m not, sure it’s like an oven in this place.
  • Alright, I was only asking
  • Why would you be asking if I’m cold
  • I’m just concerned because I know old people feel the cold more than young ones
  • Well I’m sweating and the sooner I’m out of this place the better
  • They can’t let you out until you’re mobile ma
  • I am mobile.
  • You’re not ma
  • There’s nothing wrong with me
  • Grand. Do you want to go for a walk outside in the sunshine so?
  • That would be lovely Bernie. I could do with a breath of fresh air
  • Come on then, I’ll hoosh you up
  • Take it easy Bernie. Jaysisssss….no no no
  • No what? What’s wrong with you? Calm down for fuck sake
  • Me knee, that’s what’s wrong with me
  • Here ma link me while we’re walking
  • Indeed I wont link you. I’m not walking anywhere. Go get me a wheelchair
  • But I thought…
  • What? What did you think Bernie?
  • Nothing ma….’nurse any chance of a wheelchair for me ma’

‘Jaysisssssss is right!