- Oh hello Bernadette, come in,
- Hiya Geraldine, Jimmy said you were looking for me
- Yes, I thought it would be nice to spend more time together. We’ve been sister in laws for a long time and we hardly ever see each other
- Oh yeah right, and what brought this on then?
- Well I reckon its time for making some resolutions
- Oh so I’m one of your resolutions am I?
- Well sort of
- So what’s on your list then?
- I’ve only three things so far 1. Start a diet. 2. Exercise more. 3. Give up drink.
- For fuck sake Ger. Will you leave it out
- What?
- 1. There’s not a pick on you. 2. You already do yoga, Pilates, spin class and speed walking every other day. 3. You don’t even drink
- Thanks for the encouragement Bernie. I was going to ask you to join me
- Join you in what?
- My New Years list
- Thanks a bunch Ger. With in laws like you who needs a slap from someone else
- What?
- You telling me I need to lose weight, exercise more and give up the drink
- Well you were complaining over Christmas about your clothes being too tight. So if you go on a diet and walk with me everyday and stop going to the pub so often, you’ll lose loads.
- Me go to the pub so often? Maybe you should be talking to your husband, not me
- I’m only trying to help Bernadette
- This list of yours
- Yeah, what about it?
- It sounds like a list for me…are you writing that list for me?
- No
- Are you saying I’m fat?
- Not fat exactly, but…
- Are you saying I’m not fit?
- Well…
- Are you saying I drink too much?
- Well…
- What am I? your New Years project?
- I was only trying to help
- If I needed help, which I dont! You’re the last person I’d be calling, the bleedin’ cheek of you
- I just thought we could do stuff together
- You’re already doing everything on that list, so why write it down and show it to me? I’m not an eejit Geraldine
- Ah just forget the list Bernie
- No I won’t forget it … STRING BEAN GERALDINE
- I beg your pardon?
- That’s what everyone calls you
- That’s not very nice
- Hurts doesn’t it Ger? What am I ? BIG ARSE BERNIE?
- I never said that?
- You may as well have Geraldine, now if you’ll excuse me, I told Jimmy I’d meet him for lunch…IN THE PUB, if you don’t mind. I was going to ask you if yourself and Anto wanted to join us.
- We’d love to have lunch with you and Jimmy, come on I’ll drive, I’ll just go call Anthony
- Forget it Geraldine, I’ll walk…burn a few inches off my fat arse before I stuff my face and skull a feed of pints
- I never said you’d a fat arse
- You’ve said enough Geraldine. I’m not one of your lost causes
- I’m sorry Bernadette
- You’d better add number four to your list while you’re at it
- What’s that?
- Find some other gobshite to spin with
- But Bernadette…
- But nothing. Goodbye,and mind you don’t fall down any drains while you’re out running.
The nerve of her, skinny bitch!!
Family. You can’t live with them, and there aren’t enough places to go to escape from them!
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The good news is, skinny thing like her, you’ve probably got loads of places you could stash the body.
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