So, I went to court last week over me T.V. licence. I bet you all thought I was in Mountjoy prison by now didn’t you? Well, sorry about that but I wasn’t going to be anyone’s bitch behind bars. Me and Julie went to the pub after we left the court. I got home about 8pm. Jimmy was going mad.
- Where the hell were you until this hour Bernie?
- I was in court, I told ye
- That was at ten this morning. I thought they’d locked you up.
- Oh ye of little faith Jimmy, oh yeeee of little faith
- Well I couldn’t get you on your phone. I’ve been trying to ring you for hours
- I left me phone at home in case I was sent to the Joy. I don’t trust them wardens. I was afraid it would go missing on me
- So where was Julies phone then? I couldn’t get her either
- Ah her battery went flat. Get’s a glass of water will ye Jimmy
- So
- So what?
- So what happened in court? Jaysis Bernie, how many drinks did you have?
- I only had a few vodkas
- A few my arse, you’re bleedin’ buckled. What happened for Gods sake woman?
- I presented my new t.v. licence, paid the fine and left
- So where were you until now?… as if I need to ask
- Me and Julie went for lunch and a few scoops to celebrate my freedom
- What freedom? You weren’t even locked up Bernie
- Well I could have been
- But you weren’t
- If I hadn’t paid the fine I would have
- So what did the judge say?
- He asked why I didn’t pay it in the first place and I said ‘I’m sorry your honour I was going to pay it on the Friday but we went to Paris and when I got home I forgot’ and he said ‘Isn’t it well for you going to Paris with no T.V. licence Mrs. Violet’ and I said ‘I didn’t need a T.V. licence in Paris your honour’ and he said You should be on the stage Mrs. Violet’ and I said ‘Thanks your honour’ and then, he said, he said, then he said em…
- Jasus, you can’t even finish a sentence Ber
- Ha, finish a sentence, that’s gas Jimmy, you’re hilarious. Court…fine…prison…sentence
- That judge was right… you should be on stage Bernie
- Thanks love. Now where was I? oh ye,he asked me if I’d a nice time in Paris and I said ‘It was lovely your honour, then I got home to find a summons in the post, that sort of took a bit of the sparkle away’ and he said ‘Sorry for the inconvenience Mrs. Violet’ and I said ‘Ah your grand your honour, sure it could happen to a judge’ and he said ‘You mean a bishop Mrs. Violet. it could happen to a bishop’ and I said ‘I’m sure it could happen to a bishop too but I don’t suppose bishops have to worry about T.V. licences because they probably get theirs paid by the church collection money of a Sunday’… Get us a glass of water Jimmy will ye
- Jaysis Bernie, you’re bleedin’ mad. You’re lucky he didn’t have you in contempt of court
- You watch too much Judge Judy Jimmy
- So what did he say then?
- He asked me if I was in a position to pay the fine and I said ‘Well I am a bit financially embarrassed after Paris, you know what it’s like your honour but I did a few extra shifts at work last week and meself and Jimmy will be staying in for the next few Saturday nights so no bother, a fine is a fine and Bernie Rose Violet always pays what she owes’
- Why did you tell him we were staying in of a Saturday night Bernie?
- Because we are. Anyway, that bleedin’ telly has cost me a fortune so I’m staying in to watch it, and so are you
- Ah here, I love me few pints with the lads of a Saturday
- Well a couple of weeks won’t kill you
- Say’s you, out of your box
- You should be grateful your wife wasn’t banged up
- You were never going to be banged up Bernie
- You said earlier you thought I was in the Joy when you couldn’t get me on the phone
- But I knew you weren’t really
- I might have been only I think the judge liked me
- What makes you think he liked you?
- Well before I left he smiled at me and said ‘God bless your husband Mrs. Violet’ and I said ‘God bless you too your honour’
- Do you not think he was being a bit sarcastic Bernie?
- I don’t give a shite what he was Jimmy as long as he banged his gavel and let me go home
- Did he bang his gavel?
- No I was going to ask him to but he looked a bit pissed off, so I just paid the clerk and left…are you getting me that glass of water Jimmy?
- So you’ve been on the razz with Julie all this time
- Yes I have. I still would be if Julie had her way but you know I’m not much of a day drinker Jimmy?
- Looks like you gave it a good lash Bernie
- It’s good to be a free woman Jimmy
- Free? Jaysis, today cost us over two hundred euro Bernie…and that’s not including what you spent on drink. Free me bolix
- It’s only money love and at least I don’t have a record
- Unless it’s a record for being pissed
- But I didn’t get banged up
- Not yet anyway Bernie
- Oooh Jimmy, I love it when you talk dirty
- Ah jaysis Ber, get up to bed will ye, you’re bleedin’ locked
- …but not locked up Jimmy. Not locked up
- Go to bed, Ill bring your water up
- Love you Jimmy…hic
- Love you too ye dipso
- Night night Jimmy
So what’s on telly this weekend then? 🙂
XGreat stuff Bernie. Just what I needed after a hard day.
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Poor Jimmy wha!! haha, the tables were well and truly turned. Hope you doing ok. xx
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Your conversations make my day! And i’m glad you’re not locked up.
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Me too,not sure about Jimmy tho!!😂
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Poor old Jimmy! I’m so glad you didn’t get banged up Bernie! 🙂
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Poor Jimmy…haha,pity about him 😋
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You and Jimmy were a match made in heaven
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Ah that’s nice…I’ll tell him 😉
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