If you want to get ahead, get a hat


I bought a hat for the wedding. I hate wearing hats, but I spotted the Bridget one buying a fascinator in House of Fraser last week and there’s no way she’s going to get one over on me with her snotty comments about wedding etiquette like the last time. Wedding etiquette my arse. Who does she think she is? bleedin’ Princess Ann.  Jimmy thinks it’s hilarious…

  • What’s in the box love?
  • A hat
  • A hat?
  • Yes, a hat
  • For what?
  • For the wedding
  • Oh right, but why?
  • Why what?
  • Why are you wearing a hat?
  • Because it’s a wedding
  • But you don’t wear hats Bernie
  • I do now
  • You said you don’t have a head for hats
  • No Jimmy. YOU said I don’t have a head for hats
  • Well ye don’t really Ber
  • Fuck off Jimmy
  • I’m just being honest
  • Stick your honesty up your swiss roll. I’m wearing a hat
  • Ah now there’s no need for that Ber
  • There’s every need. You’re always commenting on what I wear
  • I only comment when you ask my opinion
  • Well I don’t remember asking your opinion today Jimmy so get lost
  • Jaysis, what’s crawled up your arse today. You’re very touchy all of a sudden
  • I’m not touchy
  • You are so, did someone say something to you?
  • Ye, you did, slagging me head
  • I never slagged your head, I just said it looks better without a hat
  • Have you looked in the mirror at yourself recently? You could do with a hat yourself to cover that bald patch
  • Ah now Ber, there’s no need to get personal
  • You started it
  • I did not
  • You did
  • Jaysis Ber calm down
  • I am calm Jimmy
  • So, is everyone wearing hats?
  • I presume so. Wedding etiquette and all that, you know yourself
  • Aaah,  now I see
  • See what?
  • I see what’s up with you. You met Bridget Campion didn’t you?
  • No
  • You did
  • I didn’t. I just saw her in House of Fraser
  • She wasn’t buying a hat by any chance was she?
  • How would I know what your old flame was buying
  • Haha, she was wasn’t she. Ah Bernie your a gas woman
  • What do you mean?
  • You know you don’t need to wear a hat just because she is
  • I am not. I don’t give a shite  what that skank is wearing
  • You obviously do Bernie
  • She could be wearing the crown jewels for for all I care Jimmy. Actually, a balaclava would suit her better
  • That’s a bit harsh isn’t it
  • No, that would be her bleedin’ face….her face is harsh. The state of her
  • Why do you hate her so much
  • I don’t hate her, she just gets on my nerves. The jumped up little wagon, always looking down her pointy nose at me.
  • Ah she doesn’t. She’s just jealous of you Ber
  • Jealous of me? Why?
  • Because I chose you instead of her
  • You don’t half fancy yourself do ye Jimmy
  • It’s true though
  • I know…but she still gets on my nerves
  • I’ll never understand you women
  • What’s to understand ?
  • Bleedin’ everything Ber, now show us the hat
  • No. Fuck off
  • Suit yourself then
  • I will
  • Women…
  • MEN!

I just wish this bleedin’ wedding was over  😦

8 thoughts on “If you want to get ahead, get a hat

  1. Perhaps you’ll get lucky and she will break an ankle and not get to go to the wedding. Not that you’d want anything permanently bad to happen to her, but a broken ankle might put her safely at home for a while.

    Liked by 1 person

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