Chakras

I’ve been a bit stressed lately. The kids are wrecking me buzz and Jimmy is being his usual pain in the arse. Antos wife Geraldine wants to ‘fix’ my aura.

I didn’t know it was broken Ger
Oh it is Bernie, it is
How can you tell?
Your aureole is very dark
Me aureole? What the fuck is that when it’s at home
It’s like a halo
I’ve a halo? Like an angels halo?
Yes, like an angel
Well about time too
But it’s very dark Bernie
I’m in a dark mood Ger
I can tell
Can you tell why?
Yes, you really need to align your chakras Bernie
Chakras? Are for fuck sake, what are me chakras
They are your energy centres. Yours are blocked Bernie
So me aura is broken, me aureole is too dark and me chakras’ are blocked is that what your saying?
It is Bernie.
So what’s the solution then?
You could start with yoga
What will that do?
It’s the first step to get your chakras spinning in the right direction
Are you serious
I am Bernie
Well my solution Geraldine is get out of this house away from him, the kids, and housework and have a night out with the girls, have a few vodkas, a bit of karaoke and a bop and I’ll be right as rain
Dance is good Bernie, with the right music it can help release your endorphins
I’m talking about a bit of Abba and a few scoops down the pub Ger
Alcohol is not the solution Bernie. You need to get in touch with your inner self
I need to get in touch with a bottle of Smirnoff Geraldine
I could do some reiki on you before you go
You’re reiki-ing my head Ger
Sorry Bernadette, I was just trying to help
Ah I know Ger, sure come with us. You never know, you might enjoy it
Thanks Bernie but I told Anthony I’d make him some tofu parmigiana tonight. It’s his favourite, I just popped out to buy some shredded mozarella and basil
I thought steak and chips was Antos favourite?
Oh no, it’s definitely my tofu
Whatever you say Ger, anyway I’d better go, I’m meeting the girls at eight so I’d better hurry home to polish me halo