I’ve been a bit stressed lately. The kids are wrecking me buzz and Jimmy is being his usual pain in the arse. Antos wife Geraldine wants to ‘fix’ my aura.

  • I didn’t know it was broken Ger
  • Oh it is Bernie, it is
  • How can you tell?
  • Your aureole is very dark
  • Me aureole? What the fuck is that when it’s at home
  • It’s like a halo
  • I’ve a halo? Like an angels halo?
  • Yes, like an angel
  • Well about time too
  • But it’s very dark Bernie
  • I’m in a dark mood Ger
  • I can tell
  • Can you tell why?
  • Yes, you really need to align your chakras Bernie
  • Chakras? Are for fuck sake, what are me chakras
  • They are your energy centres. Yours are blocked Bernie
  • So me aura is broken, me aureole is too dark and me chakras’ are blocked is that what your saying?
  • It is Bernie.
  • So what’s the solution then?
  • You could start with yoga
  • What will that do?
  • It’s the first step to get your chakras spinning in the right direction
  • Are you serious
  • I am Bernie
  • Well my solution Geraldine is get out of this house away from him, the kids, and housework and have a night out with the girls, have a few vodkas, a bit of karaoke and a bop and I’ll be right as rain
  • Dance is good Bernie, with the right music it can help release your endorphins
  • I’m talking about a bit of Abba and a few scoops down the pub Ger
  • Alcohol is not the solution Bernie. You need to get in touch with your inner self
  • I need to get in touch with a bottle of Smirnoff  Geraldine
  • I could do some reiki on you before you go
  • You’re reiki-ing my head Ger
  • Sorry Bernadette, I was just trying to help
  • Ah I know Ger, sure come with us. You never know, you might enjoy it
  • Thanks Bernie but I told Anthony I’d make him some tofu parmigiana tonight. It’s his favourite, I just popped out to buy some shredded mozarella and basil
  • I thought steak and chips was Antos favourite?
  •  Oh no, it’s definitely my tofu
  • Whatever you say Ger, anyway I’d better go, I’m meeting the girls at eight so I’d better hurry home to polish me halo

Ask me areolas Geraldine!

2 thoughts on “Chakras

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