Air Rage


plane in air

I’m just back from Benidorm. We had a fab time, but when I got on the plane all I wanted to do was sleep, I was so wrecked. This drinking and partying every night takes its toll you know.

Anyway, I was just settling down for a nice snooze after take off when the little brat behind me, starts kicking the back of my seat. I turned and gave him and his mother a dirty look but he continued kicking throughout the flight.

When the drinks trolley arrived, it stopped briefly as they put down their trays. He got a kids snack box with biscuits and hoola hoops and a can of coke, she got a vodka and a can of Heineken. She proceeded to pour the Heino into the glass of vodka and lowered it in one before pressing her buzzer to order another round. The child put his tray back in place and continued with his kicking marathon. the coke seemed to have given him more energy as the kicking became more fierce. I couldn’t take it anymore.

  • Are you going to control your child?
  • I beg your pardon?
  • Can you tell him to stop kicking my seat please
  • Stop kicking the ladies seat Benjamin, there’s a good boy
  • Thank you

He stopped kicking for two minutes, then started again

  • Your mammy told you to stop kicking my seat, did you not hear her?
  • Yeah
  • Well can you stop please
  • No
  • Excuse me?
  • I don’t want to
  • I don’t care what you want…just stop kicking my fucking seat
  • Don’t speak to my son like that
  • Tell your son to stop kicking my seat
  • I did
  • Tell him again!
  • Benjamin, the lady is in a bad mood so just take your feet away from the back of her seat, good boy
  • The lady is in a bad mood because your little brat wont stop kicking my seat
  • My son is not a brat
  • Yes he is, and if you can’t control him, I will
  • How dare you!
  • How dare you bring a child on a plane and let him do as he pleases while you drink yourself blind
  • I’ve had two drinks
  • You’ve had four, and a few more before you got on the plane by the look of you
  • …and you don’t drink?
  • Yes I do, I love a drink,but I don’t get wasted when I’ve me kids with me
  • I’m not wasted, don’t you dare judge me
  • I’m not judging, I’m making an observation
  • Mind your own bloody business
  • I’ll mind my own business when you control your fucking child
  • Don’t use that language in front of my son
  • Don’t be getting pissed in front of your son
  • I am not pissed
  • Well, continue ordering cans of Heino and vodka chasers at the rate you are and you will be
  • Mammy are you pissed?
  • No Benjamin, don’t mind the silly lady. Here swap seats with me
  • And if he wakes my husband up by kicking HIS seat, he won’t be as nice as me…ok love?

There wasn’t another peep out of him, but honestly…Some people shouldn’t be allowed travel with kids


The Big Reveal… Ma and me



I hate to tell you but I’ll be talking the same aul shite through April. The only difference it will be with my mammy. She’s not as young as she used to be and so she needs a bit of looking after. I’ll be spending a lot of the month of April with her, so what better way to vent my frustrations ( yeah I do get a bit hyper when I have to spend a lot of time with me ma…don’t judge me until you’ve tried it) than to put it all down on paper and share with with my blogging buddies. Bear with me lads because I’m sure it won’t all be fun and games in ma’s gaf. If you’re offending by bad language ( me), and swearing (ma) you’d better stay clear. See yis all in April.  😉 I would appreciate the support and some words of wisdom and maybe some shoulders to cry on when I eventually hit the vodka. ( Only buzzing with yis, she’s not that bad …we’ll see )






I’ve been a bit stressed lately. The kids are wrecking me buzz and Jimmy is being his usual pain in the arse. Antos wife Geraldine wants to ‘fix’ my aura.

  • I didn’t know it was broken Ger
  • Oh it is Bernie, it is
  • How can you tell?
  • Your aureole is very dark
  • Me aureole? What the fuck is that when it’s at home
  • It’s like a halo
  • I’ve a halo? Like an angels halo?
  • Yes, like an angel
  • Well about time too
  • But it’s very dark Bernie
  • I’m in a dark mood Ger
  • I can tell
  • Can you tell why?
  • Yes, you really need to align your chakras Bernie
  • Chakras? Are for fuck sake, what are me chakras
  • They are your energy centres. Yours are blocked Bernie
  • So me aura is broken, me aureole is too dark and me chakras’ are blocked is that what your saying?
  • It is Bernie.
  • So what’s the solution then?
  • You could start with yoga
  • What will that do?
  • It’s the first step to get your chakras spinning in the right direction
  • Are you serious
  • I am Bernie
  • Well my solution Geraldine is get out of this house away from him, the kids, and housework and have a night out with the girls, have a few vodkas, a bit of karaoke and a bop and I’ll be right as rain
  • Dance is good Bernie, with the right music it can help release your endorphins
  • I’m talking about a bit of Abba and a few scoops down the pub Ger
  • Alcohol is not the solution Bernie. You need to get in touch with your inner self
  • I need to get in touch with a bottle of Smirnoff  Geraldine
  • I could do some reiki on you before you go
  • You’re reiki-ing my head Ger
  • Sorry Bernadette, I was just trying to help
  • Ah I know Ger, sure come with us. You never know, you might enjoy it
  • Thanks Bernie but I told Anthony I’d make him some tofu parmigiana tonight. It’s his favourite, I just popped out to buy some shredded mozarella and basil
  • I thought steak and chips was Antos favourite?
  •  Oh no, it’s definitely my tofu
  • Whatever you say Ger, anyway I’d better go, I’m meeting the girls at eight so I’d better hurry home to polish me halo

Ask me areolas Geraldine!