Some people say karma is a bitch but I like her, she’s always been good to me; Especially where Bridget Campion is concerned.I should have recognised her straight away. she was always a skinny bitch in school, and a wagon to me. She thought she was better than the rest of us just because her Da had his own shop and she always had crisps and sweets for her lunch when the rest of us had to make do with the corned beef or cheese sandwiches and a bottle of milk provided by the school.When I was fourteen I was going out with a fella called Joey Flynn. Well when I say going out I mean we walked home from school together sometimes and we went to the pictures once or twice and had a snog in the back row. Bridget fancied Joey and was mad jealous that I was…

• That Simon Cowell is an awful gobshite Bernie
• I like him
• How can you like him?
• He’s gorgeous
• D’ye think?
• Ye, his eyes crinkle up when he smiles
• I’d say his arse does too Bernie
• No need for that Jimmy
• Does he never get sick wearing the same tee shirt but?
• It’s not the same tee shirt. He has loads of them
• How do you know?
• I just know
• Them trousers though Ber, if they were up any higher they’d be around his bleedin’ neck
• He obviously likes them like that. Just because you wear yours hanging off your arse doesn’t mean he has to
• I do not
• You give builders bum a bad name when you bend over
• You’re very critical Bernie. I’m sorry I’m not as fit as your Simon
• He’s not my Simon. I just like him that’s all
• He’s very harsh on some of them poor…

There was a knock on the door one day. I opened it to some young fella looking for my son…

• Is Viler coming out
• Who
• Viler
• There’s no one here by that name
• He told me he lived here
• Who are you?
• Dotsie
• Dotsie? What kind of a name is that
• I’m Daniel Doherty, me friends call me Dotsie
• Why?
• It’s a nickname, like Viler
• Who’s Viler?
• Richard Violet. Does he not live here then?
• Richard lives here; Viler doesn’t
• Everyone calls him Viler, it’s short for Violet
• Well I prefer Richard, I don’t like nicknames
• No one calls him Richard, he’ll be scarlet
• He can be scarlet all he likes. You can call him Rick
• Rick? That’s a bit gay isn’t it?
• And Dotsie is so masculine?
• No need to be sarcastic Mrs.
• Sorry Daniel. I called him Rick after Rick Astley
• Who?
• You know the singer ‘Never…