So, myself and the girls had a zoom chat party last night. I set myself up in the front room and told everyone to feck off to the rest of the house. Jimmy was happy enough to have the telly to himself in the other room and the girls kept themselves busy on their phones in between bringing in my drinks from the kitchen whenever I rang my bell ( funny, the bell seems to have disappeared this morning…hmmmm)

• So, how’s the head this morning then?
• Stop shouting, Jimmy.
• Oh that bad is it?
• Worse, put the kettle on there will you. My mouths is as dry as Ghandi’s flip flop.
• As the old saying goes…How can you be so thirsty when you drank so much last night?
• Don’t start going on about me drinking.
• I’ll say no more. So how’s all the girls?
• Like me; All going stir crazy and ready to leave their husbands.
• Like you?
• Well, apart from Breda that is.
• Breda? I thought she was heading for the divorce courts before you all went to Benidorm?
• She was.
• You’d think being on lock down together would have finally finished them off.
• It was the corona virus that brought them back together.
• Christy was worried sick all right.
• The thoughts of losing her to the covid19 made him realize he couldn’t live without her.
• I thought you told me she didn’t have it?
• She didn’t, but Christy didn’t know that at the time; and don’t you go telling him.
• For gods sake, why would she let him think that she had it?
• He was being such a bastard to her when we came home, and it was when he accused her of being sick from the drink….
• …But she was sick from the drink.
• Whatever, Jimmy, anyway, it was when her daughter said ‘Stop dad, ma might have the virus’, that she came up with the idea.
•  Her poor daughter must have been worried sick as well.
• Ah no, she told her daughter. Laura knows what a bolix her da is. She encouraged her to do it.
• I thought I’d heard everything, but that takes the bloody biscuit, Bernie.
• Imagine if  she’d told him she really did have the mother of all hangovers after Benidorm? He’d go mental.
• A two week hangover?
• Well no, she was in bits for a few days, and he was getting on her nerves, and the only way to get rid of him for a few days was to tell him that the doctor said she had to self isolate until she got tested. She enjoyed having her room to herself so much, she left him in the spare room for three weeks.
• So, did she get tested or not?
• No, on the day she told him she was being tested, she went for a drive out to Bray and had a lovely walk and a bag of chips on the sea front, then came home and went to her room for a lie down.
• And the poor chap told me she wasn’t eating and was tired all the time.
• She WAS tired, it was a long walk, Jimmy.
• That’s a shocking thing to do.
• Well, you know what a little fucker he was to her before, now he’s all over her like a rash, he can’t do enough for her. She said it’s like being newlyweds again since she let him come back in from the spare room.
• Spare me the details.
• I will, Breda swore us to secrecy last night.
• I was wondering what all the howling and  cackling was. Between that and the bell ringing it sounded like the witches of Eastwick meeting the hunchback of Notre Dame in that front room.
• Ah we had some laugh, Jimmy. It was worth the hangover today.
• By the way, are you sure YOU really tested positive, Bernie?
• Ask my hoop, Jimmy Violet. You know how sick I was, the cheek of you even asking.
• I’m only joking. Sure weren’t you at deaths door?
• Are you being sarcastic again? I get enough of that from the kids.
• Relax will you; here, drink your tea, while you ring your ma. She rang when you were in bed. I told her you’d ring her back.

Now that’s a whole other conversation altogether!