Meeting

I swear, the more kids I’ve had, the more they drove me mad. I don’t remember having the same trouble with Kylie as I do with Coco.

She’s a right cheeky madame, even started spelling her name with a K. Thinks she’s one of them Kardashian girls. ” What’s wrong with Coco Chanel, who you were named after?” says I to her. ” She’s dead ma” was the reply. I told you she’s a cheeky bitch

  • Where were you?
  • What do you mean?
  • I mean where were you…what do you think I mean?
  • Where do you think I was?
  • Don’t get smart with me young lady and don’t keep answering my questions with more questions. Now, where were you?
  • In school
  • School finished over an hour ago, and it only takes ten minutes to walk home
  • I was talking to me friend
  • Who’s your friend?
  • You don’t know him
  • Him? Who’s him
  • I told you. Me friend
  • Is he your boyfriend?
  • Ma!!
  • What?
  • What?
  • Is he?
  • No…. Yeah
  • Serious? How long are you going out with him?
  • Going out? What’s going out?
  • Dating?
  • Nobody days dating anymore ?
  • What do they say?
  • They don’t say anything. I’m just meeting him
  • You’re only fifteen Coco. I don’t want you ‘meeting’ boys
  • Give over ma
  • I won’t give over. I’ve heard of this “meeting” and it’s more than just actually meeting
  • You haven’t a clue ma
  • I’ve got five kids
  • What’s that got to do with anything
  • I know where “kissing with tongues” leads
  • Ma, stop it
  • No I won’t stop it. You need to have some self respect, not like some of the little trollops up that school, who drop their knickers when they’re barely out of nappies
  • Ah ma, stop exaggerating
  • I’m not exaggerating
  • …and I’m not dropping me knickers for anyone
  • Good
  • Grand
  • So, who is he then?
  • Ah ma…
  • I’ll find out. You know I will…
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Gymslip mammy

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Me pal Rita called round for a cuppa this morning. She always has the gossip

  • Howya Bernie
  • Howya Rita, any news?
  • Did you hear Vera Moran’s young one is pregnant?
  • Louise? Again? Jaysis she only had twins last year
  • No, the younger one, Laura
  • Ah stop, you’re messin’
  • I’m not
  • But she’s only a child herself Rita
  • She’s nearly fifteen
  • Oh my God, Vera was only telling me about her studying for her exams in June
  • Well looks like it’s not only her books she was studying Bern
  • Remember when we were her age? We were still in knee socks
  • … and playing with dolls
  • Ah I wouldn’t go that far, sure I met my Mick when I was only fifteen
  • You were an early starter Rita
  • Are you saying I was easy Bernie Rose Violet?
  • I never said that, will ye feck off being so bleedin’ sensitive
  • Well feck off insinuating then
  • So how far gone is she? Vera’s young one I mean
  • Seven months
  • Mother of Divine, how did she hide it for so long? When did Vera find out?
  • She hadn’t a clue. She only found out last weekend when she walked into her bedroom and the young one was examining her bump in the mirror
  • Sweet Jaysis, she must have nearly died
  • Ye, she pulled her top down real quick when her ma walked in
  • I mean Vera must have nearly died
  • Ah yeah, can you imagine the shock of it
  • Her baby having a baby…jaysis I’d die, she’s younger than my Whitney
  • And a quiet young one too, not wild like some of them
  • I know, a lovely kid she is, and Vera was always strict with her
  • Well, she kept her on a tight leash after Louise got pregnant
  • Not tight enough obviously Rita
  • Or too tight even. Sure the poor young one couldn’t go as far as the corner shop without Vera ringing her
  • I don’t know how she got pregnant
  • Will I draw you a diagram?
  • Ha, feck off. You know what I mean Bernie. I wonder how she got away from Vera for long enough
  • That’s true Rita, so who’s the father, do you know?
  • She won’t say. Brian is going mental. He said he’s going to chop the mickey off whoever it is
  • Jaysis, no wonder she wont tell.
  • I know, that Brian fella has an awful temper on him
  • Well, all I can say is … God help the poor young fella whoever he is
  • Rumour has it that it’s Charlie O’Malley’s young fella
  • Are ye serious? That little fart in the can
  • Charlie was always a little scut, his son is the same, always in trouble.
  • How in the name of God did a lovely young one like Laura get mixed up with him?
  • Well Charlie and Brian are mates since way back. The kids must have met at some family thing
  • I can’t see them being mates after this
  • Brian is a bit of a mad scone, he’ll do time for this Bernie, you mark my words
  • He is a law unto himself, Lord only knows what he’ll do
  • He’ll bate lumps ou’ve the pair of them
  • Poor Vera, she’s an awful lot to put up with
  • She’s heartbroken God love her
  • Sure isn’t it happening to young ones everyday Rita
  • It is Bernie. Babbies having babbies
  • I know, and in this day and age, there’s no need for it
  • Have they never heard of contraception?
  • Have they never heard of keeping their knickers on Rita?

Kids! You’re never done worrying about them are you?