So, I’m back. It’s been a long time and a lot has happened since 2018, and  if New Years day was anything to go by, I’m in for a rough ride in 2019.  The year started  off in me mas…

I had the mother of all hangovers after the New Years Eve celebrations. We had a great night with all the gang, we drank and sang;we rang in the bells at twelve and it should have ended there, but I  couldn’t go home after the pub like a normal person could I? Oh no, Bernie had to go to a party afterwards, even though she knew she’d to look after her ma the next day.

I barely made it in her front door to the kitchen sink when she was shouting down the stairs…

• Bernie. Is that you?
• …
• Bernie.
• Yeah.
• What are you doing down there?
• Nothing, I’ll be up in a minute
• Are you getting sick?
• …
• BERNIE
• I’m coming. I’m coming.

How the hell did she hear me puking? She can hardly hear me talking when I’m standing right next to her. Well, so she claims anyway.

• Hiya ma.
• Holy mother of the divine lord, what’s wrong with you? You’re like death warmed up.
• I think I got food poisoning ma.
• You didn’t reheat that turkey again did you? What did I tell you about that?
• What was left of my turkey went in the bin last week ma.
• So what was it then?
• Prawns, I think.
• Why do you be eating that foreign muck? No wonder you’re sick.
• Prawns aren’t foreign ma.
• I never cooked a prawn in me life and I’ve never had food poisoning. You always have to be different, Bernie.
• What’s so different from a DUBLIN BAY prawn?
• It’s far from seafood you were reared. I don’t know where you got these notions from.
• Look ma, I’m not feeling too good, so can you stop with the lecture please.
• Did you vomit into my kitchen sink?
• I’ll clean it up.
• Jesus Mary and holy saint Joseph, Bernie. How old are you?If one of the kids did that you’d kill them.
• I din’t do it on purpose ma.
• You should have stayed at home if you’re sick.
• I wish I could have ma but there was no one else to come to you today.
• If Bernard was here, he’d have come.
• Well, Saint Bernard sunning his arse beside a pool in Lanzarote, with a beer in his hand so I’m sorry, but you’re stuck with me. Now, I need a cup of tea, do you want one?
• I’d better not, Bernie. I wouldn’t want to catch anything.
• You can’t catch food poisoning ma.
• Well, I’d better not all the same.
• Right you are, ma. call me if you change your mind.

She did change her mind of course; She wouldn’t get out of the bed and she had me running up and down the stairs all day with snacks and drinks, with not a thought for me not being very well.

If she only knew I was sick from drink, I’d never hear the end of it.

Happy New Years my arse.