No cure for stupid…Aussie Rules

blonde meme

So the entire house was struck down with this winter flu bug. Christmas came and went in a fog of coughs and fevers . It’s like it never even happened. The Christmas tree only came down yesterday and I feel like Santa hasn’t even arrived yet. Today was my first day out. I was going stir crazy in the house so I walked to Spar to get some more  Lemsips. Madonna O’Reilly’s daughter was serving behind the counter

  • Ah hello Mrs. Violet, how are you?
  • There y’are Mandy. I didn’t know you worked here
  • I only started last week. Me ma knows the owner, she got me in ’cause I wasn’t arsed going back to school
  • How is Mad Mary?
  • Who?
  • Your ma…Our Kylie always called her Mad Mary
  • Why
  • MADonna Mary…
  • Oh yeah, ha good one Mrs. Violet. Me da just calls her Donna, but yeah you’re right she is a bit mad alright. So, what can I get for you?
  •  A large packet of Lemsips please. We’re all at the tail end of that Aussie flu
  • You do look a bit rough alright
  • Thanks Mandy
  • Ah you usually look fab, it’s that flu, it’s killing us
  • Tell me about it. I feel as if I’ve done ten rounds with Conor McGregor
  • Everyone seems to have caught it. They’re dropping like flies up me mas estate, and you know I don’t think any of them have been to Australia recently. Me ma thinks it’s in the water
  • Is that right?
  • Why do we always get other countries diseases ?
  • What do you mean?
  • Well last year it was Hong Kong flu. This year it’s Australian flu. I hope they find a cure for it, not like that man flu. My granny says that’s incurable, isn’t that shocking?
  • Nothing shocks me anymore Mandy
  • You know,when I was small I had German measles. My ma  said she’s never been to Germany in her life. She doesn’t know how I picked it up
  • But…
  • Then there’s that Impetigo
  • That’s a skin rash Mand
  • Yeah from Impitego…that’s in Brazil or one of them countries isn’t it?
  • Did you say you weren’t going back to school love?
  • Yeah, sure I was learning nothing.
  • You don’t say?
  • School of life for me now Mrs. V. Just like me ma
  • Are you a natural blonde like your ma aswell Mandy?
  • I am, why do you ask?
  • Oh no reason
  • Well to be fair me ma does have a few highlights
  • What are they Mandy…A few vodkas and karaoke of a Saturday night?…haha
  • No, she has highlights in her hair I meant
  • Oh I know what you meant. Here…give us a packet of paracetamol with them Lemsips  please
  • Aw have you got a headache Mrs. V?
  • I’m getting one Mandy…I’m getting one

 

Did you ever wish you’d just stayed in bed?

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6 thoughts on “No cure for stupid…Aussie Rules

  1. Hope you get well soon. But that’s what foreigners are for isn’t it? Blame them for all the ills ( pun intended). But that young girl seemed smart all right. Too bad she dropped out of school

    Like

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