Game of Thongs

The washing machine repair fella was here this morning. Jimmy went ballistic when I rang and told him what the problem was. You’d swear it was my fault. Actually, everything these days seems to be my fault…and I don’t even own a pair of thongs. That Kylie one had better buy herself a few pairs of Bridget Jones or she’ll be left knickerless, because I’m burning that drawer full of  dental floss she has up in her room…

  • Is the machine fixed ma?
  • Yeah, no thanks to you
  • What did I do?
  • Put your bits of string in
  • What?
  • The bits of string you call knickers
  • They’re called thongs
  • I don’t care what you call them, they broke me machine
  • What’s my thongs got to do with the machine being broken?
  • One of them was blocking the filter
  • Is that what was wrong with it
  • Yes, mortified I was when the chap cleaned it out
  • Aww scarlet ma
  • You were scarlet? You were in bed. I had to face him Kylie
  • You should have checked the filter before you rang the repair fella ma
  • Don’t you start. I’ve enough of your da going on about it
  • Did he go mental
  • You know what he’s like ” did you not check the filter? The first thing you do when there’s a problem with a washing machine is check the filter ,before you call the repair fella….I can’t believe you didn’t check the filter…Eighty euro for a bleedin’ call out charge ” Blah Blah Blah
  • Ah sorry ma
  • “I didn’t see you checking the fucking filter” I says to him ” so shurrup annoying me will you”
  • Was it the same fella who called last time?
  • Oh no thank God. I was mortified enough as it was
  • That was hilarious ma.  Remember the underwire from your bra, caught in the drum
  • Oh, your da reminded me of that one this morning when he was on his rant
  • But he thought it was funny at the time. I remember him and Anto laughing over it. ” You’ve always been wired Bernie” he said
  • That was back when he had a sense of humour
  • Ah he’s not that bad
  • Grumpy fucker these days so he is.
  • Maybe he’s going through the change
  • Men don’t go through the change. They just become narky bastards in their old age
  • Me da is not sixty yet ma
  • He’s starting early so…here put that thong in the bin
  • Why?
  • Because it’s ripped to fuck
  • Ah ma, they were me favourites
  • Who in the name of jaysis has a favourite pair of thongs?
  • I do, they’re  Victoria’s Secret ones
  • Who the fuck is Victoria, and why are you borrowing her knickers? That’s disgusting, you’ve hundreds of pairs of your own
  • It’s the name of the shop ma
  • Whatever… It’s a piece of string Kylie. Get over yourself
  • And you say me da is a narky fucker
  • I beg your pardon?
  • …nothing, jaysis calm down ma
  • I won’t calm down. I’m sick of the lot of you
  • Jaysis it’s only a thong ma
  • Oh, and you owe me eighty euro
  • For what?
  • For the washing machine repair fella
  • I haven’t got eighty euro ma
  • Well stop buying expensive bits of  shite to cover your arse then
  • You’re as bad as me da these days
  • …and maybe that’ll teach you to  wash your knickers by hand in future

Kids, I swear the older they get the worse they get…

19 thoughts on “Game of Thongs

      1. Believe it or not, they’re comfortable!! (I used to wear ’em but they’ve ceased to be attractive on my . . .shall we say . . Real, not ideal figure.)

        Liked by 2 people

  1. That was a lovely read . Thanks . The things that get stuck in a machine! My pet peeve with the washing machine is – what happened to the other sock? Why is it that more often than not only ONE sock comes out washed . Its pair just vanishes with the dirt ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve noticed that they sometimes go missing in the wash, and quietly figured they got whisked away with the water (like socks, you know?) but now I’m worried… not worried enough to stop wearing them, because they’re comfortable and don’t bunch and show through clothing, but I’ll know where to look if my washer ever starts acting up!


      1. Yay! I hope that you’re feeling better. I can feel your clever wittiness through the words you write and I can’t help but think that we probably have some simalarties. I’m sending you well wishes all the way from Arizona. Until we chat again. Tu nueva amiga ๐Ÿค๐Ÿ˜Š

        Liked by 1 person

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