Double glazed widows



I told you me ma loves a good funeral story. I told her about Jimmy’s mate Frankie kicking the bucket last week…

  • Another double glazed widow then Bernie
  • What’s that ma?
  • A double glaze widow. Bury their husbands of a Monday, get the builders in of a Tuesday
  • That’s terrible ma
  • Well, some of them wait a bit longer, they don’t like the neighbours talking
  • I think you make these stories up ma
  • As true as I’m sitting here Bernie, I’m telling you. As soon as the husband dies, they get the entire house double glazed because they weren’t allowed when they were alive
  • Weren’t allowed? We’re not living in the fifties ma
  • You’ve no idea Bernie. Not everyone is as lucky as you.
  • Maybe it was like that in your era ma, but not now
  • What are you talking about? Sure haven’t you just told me that Frankie’s missus getting a complete makeover on the house soon…and him only a few hours under the ground
  • That’s one person ma…ONE
  • …and what about Rita Burke in number nineteen? Attic conversion a month after Johnny kicked the bucket
  • She needed the room for the grand kids when her daughter moved in with her ma
  • …and Eileen Dunne around the corner. The hearse had hardly pulled away from the house when she had a new front door and a cobble lock driveway
  • Stop exaggerating ma
  • No exaggeration at all Bernie…and she had no one moving in with her except her fancy man
  • Ma, stoppit
  • You’re very naive Bernadette
  • ..and you just love making up stories about the neighbours
  • …Then there’s Maura Whatsername in the cul de sac. Didn’t Jimmy put in a new kitchen for her  a week after her fella died
  • It wasn’t a week ma
  • How long was it then?
  • About a month
  • See! I told you Bernie. You mark my words, that Valerie woman will be ordering a new conservatory and a world cruise in no time
  • Actually Jimmy is calling around this week to give her an estimate
  • Holy god, she’s quick off the mark isn’t she Bernie?
  • She is ma. Frankie is only dead a week
  • She’s wasting no time spending the insurance money is she?
  • Well by all accounts, he was a right tight bastard
  • So, she’ll be making up for all them years of penny pinching
  • Poor cow all the same. I’d hate to be married to a mean man
  • Nothing worse than a tight arse Bernie

Maisie talks some shite at the best of times, but I think she’s right about this one lads…


14 thoughts on “Double glazed widows

  1. Heeheehee! Here i’ve known a few of those men — buy themselves special tools, or golf clubs, or worse, a boat, that they are seldom going to use — and won’t even get their wives a new appliance that she will use every day to clean house after he messes it up. The women who outlive them deserve to be nice to themselves!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You forgot boob job. I know someone who got one of ’em after she lost her husband. No word of a lie. How’s that for improvement? 😉


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