Driving Ms Maisie

You need nerves of steel when you’ve to bring ma to the hospital.

 

D 2017

  • What way are we going Bernie?
  • The way I always go ma
  • Do you not remember the traffic last time Bernie?
  • That was rush hour ma. It won’t be as busy this time
  • Maybe we’d be quicker bypassing the village
  • I am bypassing the village ma
  • Are you sure
  • Yes I’m sure ma
  • This looks like the same way we went last time
  • It is the same way we went last time ma
  • But remember how busy it was
  • I told you that was rush hour. It’s grand at this time of the morning
  • Mind that woman crossing the road Bernie
  • I see her ma
  • But you didn’t slow down
  • She’s miles away ma
  • You cant take any chances Bernie
  • I wont ma
  • What time is it now?
  • Ten past ten
  • Will we be on time Bernie?
  • Yes ma, we’ve loads of time.
  • Maybe we should have gone the other way
  • Oh for fuck sake
  • Language Bernadette
  • Oh you heard me?I thought you were deaf
  • Well I heard that
  • You hear what you want to hear
  • What?
  • I SAID WE’RE ALMOST THERE
  • Are we on time?
  • Your appointment is not until eleven
  • I like to be early
  • You will be early
  • The traffic seems to be building up
  • It’s just people crossing at the zebra crossing ma. There’s only three cars in front of us
  • Maybe we should have gone the other way
  • The other way is longer ma
  • I always went the other way when I was driving
  • Well I’m driving now
  • I’m only trying to be helpful Bernadette
  • I know ma, but you’re getting on me bleedin’ nerves
  • What did you say?
  • I SAID THIS ROAD HAS A LOT OF CURVES
  • I told you to go the other way
  • Jesus help me. What did I do to deserve this?
  • Why are we stopping at the chemist?
  • We’re not stopping at the chemist
  • That’s what you said
  • I didn’t. Β Why didn’t you put in your hearing aid before we left
  • The village is to the left
  • I’M NOT GOING THROUGH THE VILLAGE. I TOLD YOU THAT
  • You just said you were turning left
  • Somebody please help me…
  • When I was driving…
  • Jaysis ma I know. When you were driving you used to go that way, BUT THIS IS THE WAY I GO. OKAY?
  • Sorry for speaking
  • I’m just trying to get you to your appointment on time ma
  • Are we on time Bernie?
  • YES MOTHER
  • Those lights ahead are Β red Bernie
  • I CAN SEE THEM
  • I was just making an observation… I’ll stop talking now
  • That’d be reallllllly lovely
  • WHAT?
  • I SAID IS’NT THE WEATHER LOVELY?

 

I’m going to glue that fucking hearing aid to her ears, I swear to God

 

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13 thoughts on “Driving Ms Maisie

  1. Completely resonates with me. I call my deaf mom every day and don’t know what she can hear. It’s true how they all hear what they want to hear and remember things we’d rather they forget. Thanks for the laugh πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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