Somebody’s Bitch

behind bars

I got a summons in the post. I’m up in court next week. I’m mortified. I’ve never been in court in me life. Julie thinks it’s bleedin’ hilarious…

  • Ah Berno, trust you
  • It’s not funny Julie. What about my good name?
  • For fuck sake Bernie, it’s only for a t.v. licence
  • It doesn’t matter. I’ll never live it down
  • Why didn’t you pay it?
  • I thought I did, then I got a reminder before we went to Paris and when we got back I forgot, then I got a fine and I forgot to pay that
  • The price you have to pay for continental travel Berno
  • What if they lock me up
  • They won’t lock you up
  • They might
  • They won’t, I’m tellin’ ye
  • I remember reading about some old dear who got locked up for not paying her licence fee
  • They can’t lock you up for no licence.
  • Really? Oh thank God for that
  • No, they only lock you up if you don’t pay the court fine
  • Ah fuck off Julie. I didn’t pay the fine. That’s the problem
  • Ye big eejit Bernie.
  • Just as well I look good in orange
  • What do you mean?
  • Orange is the new black …I’m gonna be banged up Jules. I’ll never survive
  • Stoppit will ye. It’s not bleedin’ death row in Folsom prison. You watch too much T.V.
  • Oh stop. It will be like ‘Bad Girls’. I could be somebody’s bitch by Friday night
  • Will you calm down. You’ll be nobody’s bitch but mine at the Karaoke on Friday night
  • I wonder will they cuff me
  • I’m sure if you ask nicely they will..haha. Watch out Jimmy, I hear some of them prison guards are ‘fine’ things … excuse the pun Bernie
  • Ah Jules, you’re not helping. I’m bricking it. What’s gonna happen to me?
  • Relax will ye. They’ll just bring you to ‘The Joy’, put you in holding cell for a few hours and then they let you go.
  • What’s the point of that?
  • There’s no bleedin’ point Bernie. They just love to waste police time and tax payers money locking up innocent women instead of real criminals.
  • How come you know so much about it?
  • It happened some girl from Donegal. I read about it in the paper. Remember I told you about it
  • The one they brought down in a taxi?
  • Yeah, the taxi fare was dearer than the bleedin’ fine. Sure she had a day out in Dublin, and her lunch thrown in aswell.
  • I’m sure she’d rather have spent a day in Dublin doing something nicer than sitting in The Dochas Centre in Mountjoy Julie
  • Ah yeah God love her, it must have been an awful ordeal
  • Have you got a T.V. licence Julie?
  • Of course I have. I’m not that stupid Berno
  • Jaysis thanks pal
  • See you in court Bernie
  • Yes you will, ‘cos you’re coming with me
  • Should I bring a cake with a file in it?
  • Very funny
  • O.K. I’ll wait ’til visiting day then
  • You’re bleedin’ hilarious Julie

If you don’t hear from me next week, you’ll know I’m a banged up broad   😦

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