I’m changing me name I swear to God. It was bad enough when they were kids. It was non stop all day

Ma I’m hungry

Ma I’m thirsty

Ma can I have a drink

Ma he hit me

Ma, ma, ma

Jasus me head was forever melted listening to them. I thought I’d have a quiet life when they grew up. I thought wrong. Kylie and Jason are the worst.

• Ma
• What?
• Did you put the immersion on
• Yeah
• Ma
• What?
• Did you see my good shirt?
• Which one?
• The blue one
• It’s hanging in your wardrobe
• Not that one, me other blue one
• Will that one not do ye?
• No, I want me good one
• Look in the ironing basket
• Ma
• What?
• Will you iron it for me
• No, I’m going out
• Ah Ma please. I’m in a hurry
• So am I. Ask Kylie to do it
• She won’t, she’s a lazy bitch
• And what does that make you?
• It makes me knackered after working all day
• She works aswell
• Ye, she must be worn out painting aul ones nails all day
• I don’t get paid enough for this shite
• I give you fifty quid a week
• You wouldn’t get a bed in a hostel for that
• Karl’s ma doesn’t take any money from him
• Well go live with Karl’s ma then
• Ah, you’d miss me if I moved out
• Prove it
• Ah ma, you’re gas
• Oh give me the bleedin’ shirt
• Thanks ma. I’ll just go have a shower
• Go
• Ma
• What?
• Did you buy any shower gel?
• It’s in the press under the sink
• Ma
• What?
• Throw us up a towel will ye
• Do you want me to wash your arse while I’m at it
• Ah Ma, leave it out will ye

In walks Kylie…

• Ma
• What?
• What’s for dinner?
• Chicken
• Again
• What do you mean again?
• We’re always having chicken
• Count yourself lucky.
• How is having chicken lucky?
• Poor people in other countries would love chicken for their dinner.
• Well send them mine then
• Don’t be so cheeky madam.
• Ma, you sound like granny
• What do you mean?
• Going on about poor people in other countries
• Well it’s true. You lot don’t know you’re born
• Haha, granny says that too
• Well your granny is right
• Ma
• What?
• Can I have something else for dinner?
• You can have whatever you like love
• Ah thanks Ma
• The takeaway menus are in the drawer there
• Ah Ma, I can’t afford takeaway. I don’t get paid ‘til Friday
• You’re having chicken so
• Ma?
• What?
• Give us a lend of a tenner will ye?
• For what?
• To order a curry
• You only eat chicken curry
• I know
• You just said you were sick of chicken
• Chinese is different
• Yeah ’cause it’s probably not even chicken
• Ma!

Give me patience!!!