A few years ago now, Jimmy was out of work for a few weeks. He nearly drove me fucking mad. He was everywhere. I got up in the morning and he was waiting for his breakfast. I came back from the shops he was sitting there watching Jeremy Kyle. I was cooking the dinner and he was hanging over me. Every time I walked into the kitchen he presumed I was making a cup of tea. If he hadn’t got a job when he did, I think I would have been done for murder. I came in from shopping one day…
- Where were you?
- I told you I was going to the shops
- Did you?
- I didn’t hear you
- Jeremy Kyle obviously had more important things to say
- No need for that Bernie
- I don’t know how you watch that shite
- It’s not shite; it’s real life
- Real life me hole, they’re all skangers and bums on the dole looking for easy money while they make a show of themselves
- I’m on the dole Bernie.
- I know you are but you’re not on Jeremy Kyle
- Maybe I will some day.
- Well keep me out of it.
- I could tell him how me wife gives me an awful life
- You could tell him how your wife ran off to the Bahamas because you were always annoying her.
- How do I annoy you?
- Sitting on your hole all day watching telly, waiting for me to cook for you.
- I can’t help being out of work.
- Well you could do something other than watch telly.
- I go out sometimes.
- Yeah to the pub with Ray and Anto.
- What do you want me to do?
- You could cut the grass
- It’s raining out
- It doesn’t rain everyday
- Mostly it does though
- You could paint that back bedroom.
- No one sleeps there anymore, it’s grand.
- I’d like it nice for when the kids come home or when we have visitors
- We never have visitors, and when the kids come home they’re barely here
- That’s not the point Jimmy.
- What’s the point then Bernie?
- The point is I want you to get up off your arse and do a few things around the house.
- I hoovered the stairs for you.
- Once; a month ago.
- Well, I still did it.
- You could help me more.
- I will Bernie.
- I’ll believe it when I see it Jimmy.
- Come on, I’ll help you unpack the shopping.
- Would you like a cup of tea love?
- That would be lovely.
- Grand, make one for me too will ye.
- Fuck off, Jimmy.
- I’m only winding you up Ber.
- It’s what you do best.
- You’ll miss me when I get back to work.
Believe it or not…I actually did. 😏
7 thoughts on “Under my feet…”
Husbands! Mine’s retired, and finally got bored enough to do some things around here, but it took a while.
I feel for you. My own husband is at home right now. Has been for four months. If he does go back to work sometime soon he’s gonna be buried in bits in the back yard!
Sorry. Does not. He’s addled my brain that bad
I love the easy banter between you two. I imagine when you’re used to having the place to yourself and all of the sudden he’s taking up your space it’s irritating. He does seem to squirm around home chores well, I’ll give him that 😉
p.s. we don’t have Jeremy Kyle here, but I remember I loved watching Jerry Springer and Steve Wilkos whenever I had a day off from work (and cable TV.)
Enjoyed this post.. can relate to it. There is a marathi saying (marathi is our local language) which can be loosely translated as “all houses have kitchen stoves of mud”. Basically means all homes face same issues. 🙂
My hubby is retired and so I there is no escape. They get under your skin and always hovering!
But when they are not around we do miss them ….