A couple of years ago (when I was on the big mad diet) I wrote my own obituary ( I was dying of starvation)
I’m being a lazy wagon again today ( I am in recovery you know, haha)so I’m resharing in order to catch up on my AtoZ challenge. I’m still a couple of days behind, so bear with me…I’m getting there.
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Best know for her love of karaoke and vodka shots, Bernie Rose Violet lived a full and happy life…until she decided to go on a diet.
”That was the day the music died for me” Bernie said, as she nibbled on a celery stick, and sipped her low cal iced water with a dash of lime.
Her husband Jimmy, who offered to diet alongside Bernie, is inconsolable, but vows to respect Bernie’s wishes
”Life just stopped having any meaning for me, once I gave up chipper chips and breakfast rolls. I mean, where is the excitement in cottage cheese and cabbage soup?” said Jimmy. ”Some days, I feel I just can’t go on, but a promise is a promise. Bernie herself reminded me of that, the last time I saw her … before she left for her slimming world weigh in”.
Bernie urged her friends not to be sad for her
”I know I’m going to a better place. A skinnier place. A place without muffin tops and bingo wings. A place where I can wear skinny jeans and bikinis without being laughed at by skinny bitches; for I too will be that skinny bitch. So don’t cry for me dear friends. I know it will be difficult but just remember…
Dieting is nothing at all ( it’s bloody hard)
It does not count ( but the calories do)
I have just slipped into the next room (upstairs in the community centre beside the ladies jax)
Nothing has happened (yet)
Everything is exactly as it was (still fat)
I am I and you are you (jealous or what!)
Life means all that it ever meant ( except I’ll be skinnier)
Laugh as we always laughed (except at my fat arse)
Pray for me ( I’m dying for a chicken curry and a spice bag)
Nothing is lost ( please god a few pounds by next week)
How we shall laugh, when we meet again ( when I’m body beautiful)
Bernie is remembered by her family and friends, especially her unislim pals Marjorie and Tina, who gave up after two days. Bernie refused to give up with them, although they begged her.
”Don’t cry for me Marge and Tina …the truth is I never left you, All through my wild days, my mad existence… I kept my promise…I kept my promise” Bernie Rose Violet (Dublin housewife)
”She was always a fucking drama Queen” Jimmy Violet (starving husband)
Maybe I should review and rewrite since my survival of the covid19?
( I think Jimmy is right….fucking drama queen) 😉
Diary of a Dublin Housewife 
I enjoy your wit and it is especially easy to enjoy as it is not at someone else’s expense. Bravo!
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If you can’t slag yourself, you’ve no business slagging others I always say. Thanks for your comments 😘😘😘
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OK can I lose weight by laughing? Hilarious post! Cheers and come visit if you have a moment!
Link for A-Z https://katheatoz.blogspot.com/
Link for regular blog https://katheworsley.blogspot.com/
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Thanks, I’ve just followed and look forward to reading your AtoZ xxx
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This is hysterically human, while also an implicit reminder that any goal we work toward should really be worth it! It’s so easy to fixate on goals that will only boost our ego or appearance, when our worth is so much more than those temporary things. Thanks for this!
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You’ll be glad to know, I’ve given up dieting 😉
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Heeheehee! As long as you post your amazingly funny posts, it does not matter if it’s a rerun. Stay safe, stay funny, and thank you.
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Thanks Mimi, you too xxxx
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I started quarantine trying to follow an elimination diet to help identify potential food intolerances. I made it about two weeks but my family asked me to stop because I was complaining so much. I did stop and we are all much happier. Weekends In Maine
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Gave up dieting, for everyone’s sske 😁
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Hi, Bernie, can I call you Bernie? Life is suddenly brighter having read this hilarious post. I have been there and done that. I woke up wondering what joys lockdown had in store and found this. Loved it, thank you 💜 have a great day💜
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That’s so lovely of you. Thanks so much. I’m delighted to have given you a laugh,especially during these uncertain times. Hope you’re enjoying your day and will pop back again. Cheers, Bernie xxx
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Thank you Bernie I will
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That gave me a giggle.
Monstrous Love from A to Z
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That’s great 😉
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Thank you for being real and making me smile …Be safe 🙂
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You too xxx
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What I love the most about this post is your name Bernie. Do you really have both Rose and Violet as middle and last names or are you just teasing me?
I’d love a name like that–goes so well with the joy you bring with your humorous words.
Cheer.
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It’s all true 😉
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