I’m just back from the shops. It’s like Christmas Eve 1975 down there. People panic buying anything they can get their hands on. There’s not a slice of bread left on the shelves in SuperValu, not even a scone to be got. They’ve sold out of milk  as well. What is wrong with people, and why is it always bread and milk they panic over?

OK so there’s a storm on the way. We’ve got a five day weather warning, but jaysis how many bleedin’ sliced pans are you going to eat in five days? I got talking to a neighbour at the check out. She could barely push her trolley

 

• There y’are Bernie, are you all set?
• Hiya Mrs. Burke, am I set for what?
• For the  beast from the east
• Ah stop, I’m sick listening about it. A few days snow is all it is
• Do you not remember the big snow of 1982 Bernie?
• Yeah, I remember the bread man being hijacked on his delivery round
• No one was prepared. People turned to crime due to starvation
• They weren’t starving. They were just little gobshites on the rob
• They were probably just trying to feed their family Bernie
• My arse…They ate all the cream cakes and sold the bread for three times what it was worth, the little skangers
• Well then, I only have to pay supermarket prices. At least I won’t be ripped off
• Ye think? When was the last time you needed all that bread? Sure the shelves will be stocked up again in no time. It’s the supermarkets that are scaremongering people into stock piling
• You just never know Bernie. You don’t have much shopping in your basket;Were there no trolleys left?
• I don’t need much. I only came in for a few bits
• A jar of coffee and and a tray of coke won’t  get you far
• I’ve got vodka at home, but you have enough to feed the five thousand Mrs. B
• Well you can’t be too careful. God knows when the shops will be open again
• The shops aren’t closing
• Well they’ll have to if they’ve no food on the shelves
• They’ll only have no food if people keep panic buying. How many loaves of bread have you got in there
• Twelve; I don’t want to be caught out
• I thought all your family emigrated
• That’s right Bernie,there’s just meself and himself left
• You must like bread then?
• It’s handy for sandwiches
• Emm…yeah, whatever
• And nice with a drop of soup
• Right, and I see you’ve bought a few packets of soup as well ( There were at least 15 packets in her trolley)
• Himself likes soup
• Lets hope  there’s not a water shortage then
• Oh I never thought of that
• I’m only messin’ with you missus B.
• Here will you watch my trolley for a few minutes, I just want to run back  and get a few bottles of water

( she came back with two twelve packs of still bottled water)

• Are you sure you have enough there love?
• I’ll ring himself and get him to pick up a few more on his way home from work

(Some people just don’t get sarcasm )

• Better to be safe than sorry
• Here do you want one of me batch loaves Bernie? Was there no bread left for you?
• No, you’re grand  missus. I only bought a Vienna roll in the bakers earlier
• Only one? Seriously? Jesus, that’s not enough, here take one of mine…no take two.
• No, I told you, I’m grand
• I insist
• No, honestly. Oh look the self service check out is open again. I’ll see you later missus Burke
• Here put this bread in your basket
• No, you’re grand, honestly
• Please
• No
• Take a bit of bread will you for God’s sake
• Jesus , calm down will you missus, I don’t need anymore bread
• Just take the one then Bernie
• I wouldn’t like to see you leaving yourself short ( sarcasm again )
• I’ll be grand. I have another four in the deep freeze at home
• I don’t want … ah fuck it…

 

I came home with two of her sliced pans, a batch loaf and four litres of milk. Now Jimmy thinks I’m part of the panic buying brigade…but sure, like yer woman said..you never know.