Happy Endings

One of Jimmy’s old work buddies died. The funeral was yesterday.

  • So, how did the funeral go?
  • Very sad Bernie. Very sad
  • I’d say the family were in bits were they? It was so sudden
  • It was, sure didn’t I only see him in the pub last Tuesday, there wasn’t a bother on him
  • You just don’t know the day nor the hour do you Jimmy?
  • You sure don’t Bernie
  • What’s in the bag there
  • Batter burger and chips
  • Did you not get food at the funeral
  • Soup and a sandwich
  • I didn’t keep dinner for you because I thought you’d be having a sit down meal
  • Are you mad? At Franks funeral? Sure he’d turn in his grave if he knew he was even paying for a few ham sambos
  • Was he that bad?
  • He was a miserable aul shite
  • Ah Jimmy. Don’t be speaking ill of the dead
  • I’d say they buried him with his communion money
  • You’re terrible Jimmy
  • But was the service nice
  • It was Bernie. Father Joe gave a lovely eulogy
  • That’s nice
  • You know what Anto says to me?
  • What?
  • “I think we’re at the wrong funeral Jimmy”
  •  Why would he say that?
  • Well, Fr. Joe kept going on about how generous Frank was and how he’d give you his last shilling
  • What’s wrong with that?
  •  Frankie was as tight as a nuns knickers so he was. Wouldn’t buy a round of drinks if his life depended on it ; Still owes me a few pints you know. He was a miserable shite
  • You’ve two hopes of getting them now Jimmy…none and Bob
  • His money will be well spent now that its in the hands of his missus. Valerie is  getting the house done up
  • She didn’t waste much time did she?
  • Well Frankie never let her do a thing to his house. It’s just as it was when his ma lived in it. Same wallpaper and all. Me and Ray helped him to hang it, Christmas 1984 just after his da died. He was a miserable aul fucker as well.
  • 1984? for fuck sake, it must be in rag order. How did she put up with that?
  • She’d no choice. She didn’t work. He was the breadwinner, so he decided what was done
  • I’m delighted for her
  • What that her husband died
  • No, that she’s going to have a decent house to live in at last. Wait until I tell me ma
  • Did Maisie know him then?
  • No, but you know what she’s like. She loves a good funeral story
  • Especially one with a happy ending
  • Hardly a happy ending if he’s dead Jimmy
  • It is for me Bernie; Valerie’s hired me and Anto to do the renovations for her.
  • Only you could pick up work at a funeral Jimmy Violet
  • You take the work where you can get it Ber. Here, do you want half of me batter burger


No one could accuse Jimmy of being a mean aul shite all the same, could they?

8 thoughts on “Happy Endings

  1. I did once go to a wrong condolence meeting and luckily slipped out before shaking hands with the widow. Our funerals are quiet affairs where people just garland the body and either hug or nod their heads in acknowledgement of the person’s presence. We only have a meal to mark the end of the obsequies

    Liked by 1 person

  2. A “condolence meeting” Is that what you call them? Ah that’s hilarious. Wait until I tell the girls that one.
    Irish funerals can be bigger than weddings sometimes. I love an aul funeral meself. Great day out for catching up with old family and friends. They’re only really sad if the deceased is a child or a young person…or maybe your ma 😉


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