• How was the holiday Kylie?
• Great ma, but I need a holiday to get over it
• You didn’t get much of a tan did you?
• The sun doesn’t shine indoors ma
• I don’t know why you go away to the sun at all
• Why?
• You spend your whole time drinking and partying
• That’s what holliers are for ma
• Sure you could do that at home, save yourself a fortune
• You sound like me nanny
• I do not…wash your mouth out
• You do
• I’m only saying that it’s a shame to go away to the sun and not enjoy it
• I did enjoy it
• Did you even see the sun?
• Yeah every morning on the way home
• And you probably spent the day in bed
• More or less yeah. I needed to build up me strength for the next night
• You could have slept by the pool and got a tan at the same time
• Sure by the time we got home the bleedin’ Germans already had their towels down. It’s impossible to get a sun bed by the pool
•  Bloody Germans are always the same
•  We got there before them one morning, there was murder
• What happened
•  ‘Zis iz my bed, you must move frauhlein, and where iz mein towel?
• What did you say?
• ‘I didn’t see your bleedin’ towel Adolf’ says I ‘now jog on son’ Then his bird started freaking out ‘I vill speak to ze manager. Vot haf you don wiz our towels?’Zis is our bed
• I hope you told her to feck off,
• I told her… “The sign says no towels on sunbeds before 8am, and we got here at 7 now back off Brunhilde , you’re blocking me sun”
• The cheek of her
• Anyway, they did feck off, but they arrived back an hour later when we were on our way to bed
• So they got their beds back
• No. we’d already given them  to two chaps from Glasgow
• I’d like to have heard that conversation
• ”Awee and bile yer head”
• What?
• That’s what the Scottish lads said to them
• …and what does that mean?
• Fucked if I know ma…but it got rid of them.

What am I rearing at all?

” She didn’t lick it off a stone” says Jimmy