Hats off for a vajazzle

Julie called for me on the way to the beauty salon to get our ‘bits’ done for the wedding.

  • Great news Bernie
  • What? Did we win the lotto?
  • No, it’s about the wedding. I was over with Marie last night and she informed me she’s not wearing a hat
  • The mother of the bride is not wearing a hat? Are you serious?
  • Deadly serious, so you’re off the hook, you don’t have to wear that purple yolk
  • It’s not purple it’s violet, and you said you liked it
  • It’s bleedin’ purple and I lied… right!
  • I’ll never trust you again
  • Ah get over yourself, you didn’t want to wear it anyway
  • I know, but no need to lie. You’d have let me make a show of meself
  • I would not…there was no way I was letting you out in that thing. I don’t know what possessed you to buy it in the first place
  • The girl in the shop said it was lovely on me
  • The girl in the shop is on commission, she’d have told you a bleedin’ balaclava was lovely on you. Come to think of it; a balaclava would actually look better on you
  • Says you; Victoria bleedin’ Beckham
  • I’m not as fat as her
  • Stop acting the gobshite Julie. Are you serious about no hats?
  • Yeah, Sabrina wants everything casual, she’s not into all this lah dee dah shit.She wants everyone to dress as they please and just come and enjoy themselves.
  • Ah deadly Jules, I really was dreading wearing that hat.
  • Marie is delighted because she’s just like you Ber
  • What; Shit hot and irresistible to men?
  •  No, hats don’t suit her either. I think Sabrina introduced the no hat thing for her ma really
  • Fair play to Sabrina, she was always a lovely young one, so down to earth and always so good to her mammy, and by the way,I never said hats don’t suit me
  • They don’t tho’ Ber. They never did
  • Say it as you see it why don’t ye
  • Truth hurts Bernie
  • So does a slap in the head Julie
  • I thought you’d be delighted
  • I am. Does Bridget know?
  • Know what?
  • About the no hat thing?
  • I haven’t a clue, why?
  • It’s just I saw her buying one out in Dundrum shopping centre
  • So that’s why you bought one, haha ye mad yolk Bernie
  • No, well yeah, ah shurrup Julie
  • I don’t know why she still gets to you after all these years
  • She doesn’t get to me. I just hate the way she thinks she’s better than the rest of us
  • Ignore her, she’s just a little upstart who couldn’t hang on to her man
  • He was never her man
  • Ah ye know what I mean. Anyway, he chose you over her, she should have got over it by now. I mean it has been thirty years. Build a bridge Bridge…haha
  • Ha, nice one Jules.
  • I can’t wait for this wedding Ber. Watch out for fireworks
  • I can’t wait to bring this bleedin’ hat back. Come on, we’ll go to Dundrum on the way back from getting our vajazzle
  • Are you getting a vajazzle Ber?
  • Will you leave it out Julie, I was only messin’
  • Be a nice surprise for Jimmy tho’
  • So would a night with Claudia Schiffer but that aint happening either


You’ll never know !!

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