Julie called for me on the way to the beauty salon to get our ‘bits’ done for the wedding.

• Great news Bernie
• What? Did we win the lotto?
• No, it’s about the wedding. I was over with Marie last night and she informed me she’s not wearing a hat
• The mother of the bride is not wearing a hat? Are you serious?
• Deadly serious, so you’re off the hook, you don’t have to wear that purple yolk
• It’s not purple it’s violet, and you said you liked it
• It’s bleedin’ purple and I lied… right!
• I’ll never trust you again
• Ah get over yourself, you didn’t want to wear it anyway
• I know, but no need to lie. You’d have let me make a show of meself
• I would not…there was no way I was letting you out in that thing. I don’t know what possessed you to buy it in the first place
• The girl in the shop said it was lovely on me
• The girl in the shop is on commission, she’d have told you a bleedin’ balaclava was lovely on you. Come to think of it; a balaclava would actually look better on you
• Says you; Victoria bleedin’ Beckham
• I’m not as fat as her
• Stop acting the gobshite Julie. Are you serious about no hats?
• Yeah, Sabrina wants everything casual, she’s not into all this lah dee dah shit.She wants everyone to dress as they please and just come and enjoy themselves.
• Ah deadly Jules, I really was dreading wearing that hat.
• Marie is delighted because she’s just like you Ber
• What; Shit hot and irresistible to men?
•  No, hats don’t suit her either. I think Sabrina introduced the no hat thing for her ma really
• Fair play to Sabrina, she was always a lovely young one, so down to earth and always so good to her mammy, and by the way,I never said hats don’t suit me
• They don’t tho’ Ber. They never did
• Say it as you see it why don’t ye
• Truth hurts Bernie
• So does a slap in the head Julie
• I thought you’d be delighted
• I am. Does Bridget know?
• Know what?
• About the no hat thing?
• I haven’t a clue, why?
• It’s just I saw her buying one out in Dundrum shopping centre
• So that’s why you bought one, haha ye mad yolk Bernie
• No, well yeah, ah shurrup Julie
• I don’t know why she still gets to you after all these years
• She doesn’t get to me. I just hate the way she thinks she’s better than the rest of us
• Ignore her, she’s just a little upstart who couldn’t hang on to her man
• He was never her man
• Ah ye know what I mean. Anyway, he chose you over her, she should have got over it by now. I mean it has been thirty years. Build a bridge Bridge…haha
• Ha, nice one Jules.
• I can’t wait for this wedding Ber. Watch out for fireworks
• I can’t wait to bring this bleedin’ hat back. Come on, we’ll go to Dundrum on the way back from getting our vajazzle
• Are you getting a vajazzle Ber?
• Will you leave it out Julie, I was only messin’
• Be a nice surprise for Jimmy tho’
• So would a night with Claudia Schiffer but that aint happening either

You’ll never know !!