Russian Roulette

_98754453_ireland-pa

 

Jimmy is very down in the dumps since Ireland were beaten by Denmark on Tuesday night. His world cup dream trip to Russia is not to be and he’s not at all pleased…

  • Cancel that Credit Union loan will you Bernie
  • Why?
  • Well, Russia is off now isn’t it
  • Shocking result Jimmy
  • Not really, even me granny lighting a candle wasn’t going to win that match for us
  • Sad all the same but sure we’ll take the loan anyway
  • But what’s the point Bernie?
  • I’d like to go somewhere next year
  • Like where?
  • Anywhere Jimmy; Spain, Portugal, Greece, the Bahamas. A couple of weeks in the sun would be lovely
  • Ah Bernie, you know I hate that two weeks in the sun shite
  • Eh hello…you didn’t say that when you fecked off to France for the Euros last year
  • That was different
  • It’s always different with you isn’t it? And how long were you planning on staying in Russia?
  • That wasn’t a holiday
  • Well what the fuck was it if it wasn’t a holiday?
  • It’s more of a pilgrimage Bernie
  • Lourdes is a pilgrimage; Medjugorge  is a pilgrimage…Russia for the world cup is not a bleedin’ pilgrimage. It’s a piss up every night with your mates while you trail around the country after a football team
  • It’s called supporting your country Bernie
  • It’s called taking liberties Jimmy, and what about supporting your wife?
  • I do support my wife. When did I ever leave you short?
  • I’m not talking about money Jimmy as well you know
  • Well we didn’t get through, Russia is off so there’s no point going on about it
  • All I said was, lets go on a holiday together seeing as you won’t be going to Russia
  • I’ll think about it
  • You’ll think about it? Is that what you said to your mates when they were planning the world cup trip? ‘I’ll think about it?’
  • What was there to think about Bernie?
  • Yeah too right, you were on to Trip Adviser checking flights to Moscow and Vladivostok before Ireland even qualified
  •  Vladivostok?
  • Yeah, that’s in Russia … isn’t it?
  • Yeah but none of the football venues are there
  • Look Jimmy I’m not an expert on Russian geography or football venues, but I do know where there’s a lovely hotel on the beach in Lanzarote , now are we going to go or not?
  • Do I have a choice?
  • I’m not holding a gun to your head Jimmy
  • Oh go on so…anywhere but Russia …or Denmark
  •  I’ll just go check Trip Adviser
  • You don’t waste any time do you?
  • Wasting time is robbing oneself
  • What?
  • Old Russian proverb Jimmy
  • I have an Irish one for you
  • What?
  • As much as I may drink tonight I will still be thirsty tomorrow
  • You’re off to the pub then?
  • Got it in one Bernie
  • I might join you later for a black russian

Every cloud does have a silver ling but doesn’t it?  😉

 

 

The Brady Bunch

brady

  • Howya ma
  • Ah Rick, should you not be 35,ooo feet in the air? Is somethin’ wrong?
  • Nothin’ wrong  ma, I’m on the way to Lyon
  • Who’s Leon?
  • No, Lyon, in France
  • I thought you were in Lille? Are you not supposed to be on the same flight as your da?
  • I was but now I’m not
  • Why not? Don’t tell me you were locked and missed the flight ye big eejit
  • I didn’t miss it, I’m just not gettin’ it. I told ye I’m goin’ to Lyon for the match on Sunday
  • I thought you were back in work on Monday? You’ll lose your job over this
  • It’s cool, sure half the country will be off work on Monday, includin’ Decco
  • If you lose this job I’ll bleedin’ kill ye
  • I wont lose me job, relax will ye ma. I can’t miss this match
  • Why?
  • Karma ma, karma
  • What about karma?
  • Remember the hand of Thierry Henry?
  • Will I ever forget?
  • Well it’s payback time now, and karma is my bitch
  • Jaysis, calm down will ye son
  •  I thought it was all over for us ma but then Robbie Brady did the business. Jaysis, the  place went wild. How could we not go?
  • What are yis now, the Brady bunch?
  • Nice one ma..I’ll tell the lads that
  • So how are ye gettin’ to this place Lyon?
  • We met a few lads from Ballybough. They have a van, said we can hop in with them
  • And what about gettin’ home? That’s a waste of a ticket now. It’ll cost you a fortune for another one
  • Actually that’s why I’m ringin’ ma
  • I knew it. You only ever ring when you’re lookin’ for money
  • I’ll pay ye back ma
  • I heard that one before
  • And what if they win on Sunday? What then?
  • Ah that’s a whole other ball game ma
  • This is Italia 90 all over again
  • How?
  • Yer da went to Italy for the world cup for five days and didn’t come home for three weeks
  • Brilliant, it must be in the blood ma
  • WEll it wasn’t brilliant back home mindin’ three kids on me own
  • Where is da anyway? Is he home yet?
  • No, he’ll be home this afternoon
  • Are ye sure ma?
  • What d’ye mean?
  • Nothin’, listen I’d better go ma, me battery is goin’ flat
  • Rick, is your da on the flight?
  • I can’t hear ye ma, coverage is shite
  • I SAID …IS YOUR DA ON THAT FLIGHT?
  • I can’t hear ye ma, we’re in a tunnel, Just lodge the few bob to me account will ye… Thanks ma, love ye, bye, bye, bye, bye
  • Hello, hello, Rick, can ye hear me now? Hello, hello…

 

Al Fresco or Tescos?

al fresco 1

  • Ah howya Bernie
  • Ah howya Eilo, long time no see..
  • Where are you off to?
  • Just walkin’ up to Tesco to buy a bit of lunch
  • Ah feck that, come on over and join me for a cappuccino
  • Get you being all continental on the side of the road
  • Ah sure if Mohammed can’t go to the mountain and all that Berno, ye know yerself
  • I’m assumin’ Bart is gone to France for the Euros then?
  • He is, jammy fecker went last night. He couldn’t get the time off work for the first match
  • Jimmy and the lads went on Monday morning.They were up half the night partyin’ with the Swedes after the match
  • Jaysis, can you imagine what they’d be like if they won?
  • I know. There’d be no stoppin’ them
  • Sure he was only gone and he was ringin’ me from the airport
  • Ah, loves young dream. Was he missin’ ye already
  • He was in his swiss. He only rang to see if he left his vuvuzela on the kitchen table
  • Ah jaysis, too much information Eilo
  • Shurrup ye durtburd Bernie. It’s a horn
  • Still too much information Eilo. What did he want you to do, post it over to him?
  • No, he just wanted to moan about it. He’s not happy til he has a bit of a moan in the mornin’ and sure the lads won’t listen to him. Anyway, I brought his horn down the pub last night. A gang of us went to watch the match.
  • So you were blowin’ Barts horn down the pub
  • Too right Berno, Sure we all had a go of Barts horn
  • I’m sure he’ll be delighted.
  • He’ll be ragin’. The big gobshite. Somethin’ else for him to moan about
  • Have you heard how they’re gettin’ on? Apart from him missin’ his horn like.
  •  Eating breakfast in some sidewalk café  in Bordeaux no doubt. I wouldn’t be able for him.
  • ..and you havin’ to dine al fresco in Inchicore
  • Not for much longer Ber. Look at them clouds.
  • Summer me arse. I wouldn’t mind a few days in France meself
  • Ah come on I’ll buy ye a baguette to cheer you up
  • Get you. It’s far from baguettes you were reared Eilo Farrell
  • Excuse me, I’ve been to Lourdes twice with the ladies club
  • Ye, I remember the last time you came home on crutches
  • Ah scarlet for meself.  I fell off a table singing Karaoke at the Hotel
  • You’re mad. Come on inside, it’s goin’ to lash down. D’ye want a cappuccino or a latte?
  • Ah no fuck it, just get us a can of lilt Ber. I’m parchin’
  • You’re just so typically tropical Eilo

 

 

COYBIG

  • What’s in the bag Jimmy?
  • Bunting
  • More bunting?
  • You can never have too much bunting Bernie
  • Eh yeah, ye can. The house is covered in them already
  • These are for Alison next door, she asked me to pick up a few for her, she’s all excited for the Euros
  • So excited she told me you were gone off in a green white and orange transit van to France
  • I told her it was the lads from work. I was just givin’ them a dig out to spray it. Now did you think I’d go off to France without seeing you after being away so long Ber?
  •  I suppose I should count meself luck you didn’t paint the house green white and orange while I was away
  • Yeah, dead lucky Ber
  • What’s in that bag in the hall?
  • Emmmm, paint
  • What kind of paint
  • Green white and orange paint
  • You can fuck right off Jimmy Violet
  • Why?
  • You’re not painting the front of my house like the Irish flag
  • Why not?
  • Are you actually serious Jimmy Violet?
  • It’s only for a couple of weeks for the Euros, then I’ll paint it back any colour you like Ber
  • I like it the colour it is now
  • Grand I’ll get a few tins of that then when I get back from France
  • You will in your swiss roll. It’s stayin’ the way it is now
  • You’re such a dry shite Bernie
  • Why? Because I don’t want me gaff looking like the tricolour
  • It’s patriotic Ber
  • Shurrup Jimmy. You won’t even be here. I’m the one who’ll have to look at it while you’re swannin’ around France with Jackie’s army
  • It’s not Jackie’s army anymore Bernie…
  • I don’t care what yizzer called
  • You’re just a spoilsport and…
  • And what Jimmy? AND WHAT?
  • …and you’re so easy to wind up
  • How?
  • That’s the paint left over from spraying the van for the lads in work. Did ye really think I’d paint the gaff green white and orange? What sort of gobshite d’ye take me for?
  • Don’t make me answer that
  • You’re face bu’ Bernie. Fuckin’ priceless. Wait ’til I tell the lads about this
  • Go on have a good laugh with yer mates about me
  • Ah bu’ it was funny
  • Fuckin’ hilarious. What time is your flight?
  • Ten bells Bern.
  • You’d better get your skids on then, look at the time. What time is the match this evening?
  • Five o’clock Irish time. Will ye be watchin’ on the telly?
  • I will in me hoop. I’ve better things to be doin’ with me life than watchin’ a bunch of yoyos runnin’ around a pitch after a ball
  • Ah gerraway oua’ tha’ You always say that and then you’re the one screamin’ the loudest
  • Will ye get out the door and stop annoyin’ me Jimmy
  • Watch out for me on the telly won’t ye Ber?
  • I will yeah
  • I’ll be the one in green
  • Sure how could I miss ye Jimmy

Ireland euros

Come On You Boys In Green  😉

Euro Welcome home

tricolour_2509048

 

  • Howya Bernie. Have you been away on your holliers again?
  • Ah howya Alison. I wish. Me sister wasn’t well. I was stayin’ with her for a while to give her a hand with the kids.
  • Aww, I hope she’s ok love. What was wrong with her?
  • She had a fall and broke her leg, been on crutches for the past six weeks but she got the cast off the other day and is doing grand
  • Ah that’s good. Glad she’s ok
  • Not a bother on her now, and I’m glad to be home
  • I missed you going in and out
  • Did Jimmy not tell you where I was?
  • I haven’t seen much of him to be honest. He was up and gone to work before I got out of the bed, you know I don’t get up early, and I was usually gone to bed by the time he got home
  • You must be going to bed very early these days hun
  • No, about ten or eleven o’clock
  • He never said he was workin’ late every night
  • Ah he probably wanted to keep busy when you were away
  • Busy down the pub and in his mas ye mean
  • Ah don’t tell him I said anything hun. He’ll think I’ve been spying on him
  • I’ll say nothin’ Alison. It doesn’t take Jimmy too long to hang himself
  • Ah Jimmy is great. Look he even has the flags out for you coming home
  • They’re not for me hun, they’re for the Euros
  • All the same,I bet he’s dying to see you. Does he know you’re home ?
  •  No, I thought I’d surprise him
  • Oh it’ll be a surprise aright
  • How d’ye mean?
  • He’s not in. I saw him getting into a van with his brothers about half an hour ago
  • The work van?
  • No, it was a transit van, painted green white and orange. Lovely it was
  • I’ll bleedin’ kill him
  • Why?
  • He’s obviously fecked off to France early for the Euros
  • Ah that’s nice for him
  • Isn’t it just
  • Anyway, welcome home Bernie
  • Ye, welcome bleedin’ home Bernie…

Zoom

Z (1).jpg

  • Buckle up Bernie, I can’t believe we’re off to Benidorm
  • I know Julie, when you think of where we should be
  • I wonder how Ger’s gettin’ on?
  • Like I’m bothered, I’m just relieved I’m off the hook
  • Ah, Ger’s not de worst Ber. She’s ok
  • Yeah, in small doses, but for an entire weekend, sharin’ de same room? No thanks
  • Ah she’s delighted to have de two girls with her all de same and she couldn’t sing your praises enough for giving Willow your place
  • If only she knew
  • You’ll burn in hell Bernie Rose
  • Says you! You were only goin’ in de first place because Anto was payin’
  • So were you
  • Is Anto still goin’ to the Euros with Jimmy and Ray?
  • Well his ticket is booked, but Ger doesn’t know yet
  • He’s some gobshite, booking a Spa break for her so she wouldn’t be at home alone when he’s in France
  • …and so she’d let him actually go to France
  • …then he books de Spa for May and the Euros don’t start until June
  • He’s a fuckin’ eejit alright, why de hell did he do that?
  • He said he put de wrong dates in when he was bookin’ online and when he tried to change it they were booked out  until September and they wouldn’t give him a refund
  • So now he’s de one home alone
  • He’ll love that. Sure he’ll probably spend his time over eatin’ dirty big fry ups in his mas and den down de pub with Ray and Jimmy
  • He’ll have a ball…a weekend without bean sprouts and nut roasts
  • ..and Lily will be delighted to have her boys all to herself
  • A great weekend will be had by all
  • Good luck to dem
  • Oh look, the seatbelt sign is on Ber, we’re away..woohoo
  • Don’t talk to me ’til we’re up Julie, me nerves are gone. You know I hate takin’ off
  • Here we go, zoom baby.I wonder what speed he’s doin’?
  • Stoppit Julie
  • Ah we’ll be up in no time and sure you’ll be grand after a few scoops
  • Are we up yet?
  • Yes, you can open your eyes now Ber
  • Grand, now, any sign of dat drinks trolly?

plane in air