Russian Roulette

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Jimmy is very down in the dumps since Ireland were beaten by Denmark on Tuesday night. His world cup dream trip to Russia is not to be and he’s not at all pleased…

  • Cancel that Credit Union loan will you Bernie
  • Why?
  • Well, Russia is off now isn’t it
  • Shocking result Jimmy
  • Not really, even me granny lighting a candle wasn’t going to win that match for us
  • Sad all the same but sure we’ll take the loan anyway
  • But what’s the point Bernie?
  • I’d like to go somewhere next year
  • Like where?
  • Anywhere Jimmy; Spain, Portugal, Greece, the Bahamas. A couple of weeks in the sun would be lovely
  • Ah Bernie, you know I hate that two weeks in the sun shite
  • Eh hello…you didn’t say that when you fecked off to France for the Euros last year
  • That was different
  • It’s always different with you isn’t it? And how long were you planning on staying in Russia?
  • That wasn’t a holiday
  • Well what the fuck was it if it wasn’t a holiday?
  • It’s more of a pilgrimage Bernie
  • Lourdes is a pilgrimage; Medjugorge  is a pilgrimage…Russia for the world cup is not a bleedin’ pilgrimage. It’s a piss up every night with your mates while you trail around the country after a football team
  • It’s called supporting your country Bernie
  • It’s called taking liberties Jimmy, and what about supporting your wife?
  • I do support my wife. When did I ever leave you short?
  • I’m not talking about money Jimmy as well you know
  • Well we didn’t get through, Russia is off so there’s no point going on about it
  • All I said was, lets go on a holiday together seeing as you won’t be going to Russia
  • I’ll think about it
  • You’ll think about it? Is that what you said to your mates when they were planning the world cup trip? ‘I’ll think about it?’
  • What was there to think about Bernie?
  • Yeah too right, you were on to Trip Adviser checking flights to Moscow and Vladivostok before Ireland even qualified
  •  Vladivostok?
  • Yeah, that’s in Russia … isn’t it?
  • Yeah but none of the football venues are there
  • Look Jimmy I’m not an expert on Russian geography or football venues, but I do know where there’s a lovely hotel on the beach in Lanzarote , now are we going to go or not?
  • Do I have a choice?
  • I’m not holding a gun to your head Jimmy
  • Oh go on so…anywhere but Russia …or Denmark
  •  I’ll just go check Trip Adviser
  • You don’t waste any time do you?
  • Wasting time is robbing oneself
  • What?
  • Old Russian proverb Jimmy
  • I have an Irish one for you
  • What?
  • As much as I may drink tonight I will still be thirsty tomorrow
  • You’re off to the pub then?
  • Got it in one Bernie
  • I might join you later for a black russian

Every cloud does have a silver ling but doesn’t it?  😉

 

 

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COYBIG

  • What’s in the bag Jimmy?
  • Bunting
  • More bunting?
  • You can never have too much bunting Bernie
  • Eh yeah, ye can. The house is covered in them already
  • These are for Alison next door, she asked me to pick up a few for her, she’s all excited for the Euros
  • So excited she told me you were gone off in a green white and orange transit van to France
  • I told her it was the lads from work. I was just givin’ them a dig out to spray it. Now did you think I’d go off to France without seeing you after being away so long Ber?
  •  I suppose I should count meself luck you didn’t paint the house green white and orange while I was away
  • Yeah, dead lucky Ber
  • What’s in that bag in the hall?
  • Emmmm, paint
  • What kind of paint
  • Green white and orange paint
  • You can fuck right off Jimmy Violet
  • Why?
  • You’re not painting the front of my house like the Irish flag
  • Why not?
  • Are you actually serious Jimmy Violet?
  • It’s only for a couple of weeks for the Euros, then I’ll paint it back any colour you like Ber
  • I like it the colour it is now
  • Grand I’ll get a few tins of that then when I get back from France
  • You will in your swiss roll. It’s stayin’ the way it is now
  • You’re such a dry shite Bernie
  • Why? Because I don’t want me gaff looking like the tricolour
  • It’s patriotic Ber
  • Shurrup Jimmy. You won’t even be here. I’m the one who’ll have to look at it while you’re swannin’ around France with Jackie’s army
  • It’s not Jackie’s army anymore Bernie…
  • I don’t care what yizzer called
  • You’re just a spoilsport and…
  • And what Jimmy? AND WHAT?
  • …and you’re so easy to wind up
  • How?
  • That’s the paint left over from spraying the van for the lads in work. Did ye really think I’d paint the gaff green white and orange? What sort of gobshite d’ye take me for?
  • Don’t make me answer that
  • You’re face bu’ Bernie. Fuckin’ priceless. Wait ’til I tell the lads about this
  • Go on have a good laugh with yer mates about me
  • Ah bu’ it was funny
  • Fuckin’ hilarious. What time is your flight?
  • Ten bells Bern.
  • You’d better get your skids on then, look at the time. What time is the match this evening?
  • Five o’clock Irish time. Will ye be watchin’ on the telly?
  • I will in me hoop. I’ve better things to be doin’ with me life than watchin’ a bunch of yoyos runnin’ around a pitch after a ball
  • Ah gerraway oua’ tha’ You always say that and then you’re the one screamin’ the loudest
  • Will ye get out the door and stop annoyin’ me Jimmy
  • Watch out for me on the telly won’t ye Ber?
  • I will yeah
  • I’ll be the one in green
  • Sure how could I miss ye Jimmy

Ireland euros

Come On You Boys In Green  😉

Euro Welcome home

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  • Howya Bernie. Have you been away on your holliers again?
  • Ah howya Alison. I wish. Me sister wasn’t well. I was stayin’ with her for a while to give her a hand with the kids.
  • Aww, I hope she’s ok love. What was wrong with her?
  • She had a fall and broke her leg, been on crutches for the past six weeks but she got the cast off the other day and is doing grand
  • Ah that’s good. Glad she’s ok
  • Not a bother on her now, and I’m glad to be home
  • I missed you going in and out
  • Did Jimmy not tell you where I was?
  • I haven’t seen much of him to be honest. He was up and gone to work before I got out of the bed, you know I don’t get up early, and I was usually gone to bed by the time he got home
  • You must be going to bed very early these days hun
  • No, about ten or eleven o’clock
  • He never said he was workin’ late every night
  • Ah he probably wanted to keep busy when you were away
  • Busy down the pub and in his mas ye mean
  • Ah don’t tell him I said anything hun. He’ll think I’ve been spying on him
  • I’ll say nothin’ Alison. It doesn’t take Jimmy too long to hang himself
  • Ah Jimmy is great. Look he even has the flags out for you coming home
  • They’re not for me hun, they’re for the Euros
  • All the same,I bet he’s dying to see you. Does he know you’re home ?
  •  No, I thought I’d surprise him
  • Oh it’ll be a surprise aright
  • How d’ye mean?
  • He’s not in. I saw him getting into a van with his brothers about half an hour ago
  • The work van?
  • No, it was a transit van, painted green white and orange. Lovely it was
  • I’ll bleedin’ kill him
  • Why?
  • He’s obviously fecked off to France early for the Euros
  • Ah that’s nice for him
  • Isn’t it just
  • Anyway, welcome home Bernie
  • Ye, welcome bleedin’ home Bernie…

Zoom

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  • Buckle up Bernie, I can’t believe we’re off to Benidorm
  • I know Julie, when you think of where we should be
  • I wonder how Ger’s gettin’ on?
  • Like I’m bothered, I’m just relieved I’m off the hook
  • Ah, Ger’s not de worst Ber. She’s ok
  • Yeah, in small doses, but for an entire weekend, sharin’ de same room? No thanks
  • Ah she’s delighted to have de two girls with her all de same and she couldn’t sing your praises enough for giving Willow your place
  • If only she knew
  • You’ll burn in hell Bernie Rose
  • Says you! You were only goin’ in de first place because Anto was payin’
  • So were you
  • Is Anto still goin’ to the Euros with Jimmy and Ray?
  • Well his ticket is booked, but Ger doesn’t know yet
  • He’s some gobshite, booking a Spa break for her so she wouldn’t be at home alone when he’s in France
  • …and so she’d let him actually go to France
  • …then he books de Spa for May and the Euros don’t start until June
  • He’s a fuckin’ eejit alright, why de hell did he do that?
  • He said he put de wrong dates in when he was bookin’ online and when he tried to change it they were booked out  until September and they wouldn’t give him a refund
  • So now he’s de one home alone
  • He’ll love that. Sure he’ll probably spend his time over eatin’ dirty big fry ups in his mas and den down de pub with Ray and Jimmy
  • He’ll have a ball…a weekend without bean sprouts and nut roasts
  • ..and Lily will be delighted to have her boys all to herself
  • A great weekend will be had by all
  • Good luck to dem
  • Oh look, the seatbelt sign is on Ber, we’re away..woohoo
  • Don’t talk to me ’til we’re up Julie, me nerves are gone. You know I hate takin’ off
  • Here we go, zoom baby.I wonder what speed he’s doin’?
  • Stoppit Julie
  • Ah we’ll be up in no time and sure you’ll be grand after a few scoops
  • Are we up yet?
  • Yes, you can open your eyes now Ber
  • Grand, now, any sign of dat drinks trolly?

plane in air

Jimmy Riddle

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  • Have ye seen me passport Bernie?
  • Yeah
  • Where is it
  • I dunno
  • Ye just said ye seen it
  • I did, loads of times, awful lookin’ photo too Jimmy
  • You’re bleedin’ hilarious Ber
  • What d’ye want it for?
  • I’m bookin’ me tickets to Paris
  • I still can’t believe you’re goin’ to Paris without me
  • It’s for de football Ber
  • But Paris is our place Jimmy
  • It’s the Euros Ber, and anyway, you hate football
  • I could’ve gone shoppin’ while you were at the matches
  • Would you feck off Bernie
  • Ah I’m only messin’ with ye Jimmy
  • Anyway you’ll be at your Spa
  • Health farm Jimmy
  • Whatever. Seriously Ber, have ye no idea where me passport  is?
  • I haven’t a breeze Jimmy
  •  I’ve searched the house and can’t find it. It’s a mystery Ber
  • Would ye not call it a Jimmy Riddle love?
  • Dat’s slang for a piddle Bernie
  • Well, you’ll be wettin’yerself if ye don’t find it
  • I’ll have to apply for an emergency one Ber
  • …ah sure you can always come  with me and Julie and Ger
  • Feck off. I’m not goin’ to a Spa with a gang of women
  • It’s a bleedin’ health farm and we wouldn’t want ye inannyway. Ye can stay at home on yer own for all I care
  • Dat’s harsh Bernie. Ye know I can’t miss de Euros
  • Calm down will ye for fuck sake. Come on, I’ll help ye look for de bleedin’ passport

He’s worse than a child sometimes!

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