Maisie is a big Star Trek fan so she was all excited to see her hero Captain Kirk head into space yesterday…

• There he is, Bernie. Isn’t he gorgeous?
• Lovely ma.
• D’ye know he’s older than me. Can you imagine me flying into space at this age?
• I can’t imagine you walking to Spar, ma; never mind flying into space.
• I have arthritis you know. I bet William hasn’t got arthritis.
• Oh here we go again…
• What?
• You’re not the only person in the world with arthritis, ma.
• I never said I was, my god you’d get no sympathy from you. Wait ’til you’re my age.
• I’m holding my breath.
• Isn’t he looking great for ninety all the same?
• Fair play to him, he’s looking well all right, definitely no sign of arthritis.
• There they go, we have lift off, Bernie. To infinity and beyond.
• That’s Buzz Lightyear, ma.
• Highly illogical, Bernie. Haha.
• You’re losing the plot ma, here, is it just me or is that space ship shaped like a big willy?
• Don’t be crude Bernie.
• Well it does.
• You’re getting worse everyday.
• I’m just saying what I see, and I see a big willy.
• Stop that talk. Oh look at that, Bernie. Isn’t it beautiful?
• Three hundred and one thousand feet, ah no now I couldn’t do it ma.
• Me nerves are gone, I need to go to the toilet.
• Boldly going where no man has gone before. I’ll go put the kettle on.
• Don’t be cheeky, and don’t change that channel. I’ll be back in a minute.

( She’s never only a minute, she was back in 6)

• Ah, that’s much better, now what did I miss?
• He’s home ma.
• Who?
• Captain Kirk.
• What do you mean he’s home? Sure he only just left.
• Well, there it is on the screen. I just went out to make a cup of tea and when I got back, they were landing in the desert.
• Stop messing, Bernie.
• I swear to god ma. Look, they’re opening the hatch now.
• Sweet mother of divine, there he is. I can’t believe it.
• All that hullaballoo for ten minutes. They nearly met themselves coming back
• I thought they were gone for a few days.
• It wasn’t a weekend in Benidorm, ma.
• Millions of miles away, and they were there and back in ten minutes.
• I know, sure it took you longer to go to the jax.
• If I’d known they’d be that quick I’d have crossed me legs.

Beam me up Scottie 🙄🙄🙄

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