Between the weather and me going through the change, I just couldn’t cope with the hot flushes. To cheer me up, Jimmy booked a meal for the family as a belated birthday celebration. The owner of the pub is a bit of a gobshite, he’s an old neighbour of ours, who’s up his own arse since he moved to ‘a better neighbourhood’ and bought the place. But it was the first day of opening after lockdown and everywhere else was booked solid.

• Good evening, Brian.
• Do you have a reservation madam?
• I do indeed. I’m meeting my…
• We need to take your temperature before you come in, madam.
• Why?
• Company policy, madam; to detect anyone who may have the virus.
• I don’t have the virus.
• We’ll see.
• Yes you will see.
• I’m sorry madam but you have a high temperature, we unfortunately can’t allow you in.
• I do not have a temperature, let me see that gadget.
• I’m sorry madam.
• You’re having a laugh, right?
• I’m afraid not madam.
• I don’t have a temperature, I’m having a hot flush.
• I can’t take chances madam.
• I’m telling you its a hot flush
• Maybe you should eat at home until you’re better.
• I’m not sick, I’m menopausal and I don’t appreciate the whole restaurant knowing about it.
• Calm down madam.
• Don’t tell me to calm down.
• I’m just doing my job.
• You’re being a prat.
• You’ll have to leave, I have customers waiting.
• I’m a customer.
• Not today madam.
• Don’t keep calling me madam, you know my name, Brian.
• Maybe you’d like to make a reservation for another time?
• I have a reservation for now.
• But, you have a temperature, it’s company policy not to admit anyone showing symptoms of covid19.
• What about that fella sweating like a pig over there.
• He’s the chef madam.
• He looks hotter than me.
•  Its very hot in the kitchen.
• Well its very hot out here too. How do you know he hasn’t got covid19?
• He doesn’t
• But how do you know?
• Because we know.
• ‘Because we know’ is not an answer. Maybe you shouldn’t be open;maybe your customers are at risk of contracting the virus in your pub.
• There is no risk
• He’s not even wearing a mask.
• He was, he just took it off.
• He should be wearing it at all times.
• Can you leave please, you’re causing a stir.
• I actually don’t want to go in anymore. It doesn’t look too safe in there.
• It’s quite safe madam.
• I don’t think I want to take that chance.
• There’s a queue building up behind you, can you make way for my customers please, we are very busy tonight.
• That’s not a queue that’s my family.
• Oh, I see.
• Did you not check your bookings?
• Maybe I could take your temperature again.
• No thank you.
• I didn’t realize you were all together.
• What difference does that make?
• I could have made an exception.
• Oh so you’d let me in with a high temperature if I’m bringing a party of twelve, but not if I’m on my own?
• Well..
• What about your company policy?
• I may have been too harsh.
• Looks like you’ll have a lot of empty tables tonight, sunshine.

I know I was being a bit of a Karen, I blame the menopause, but he really was being an uppity gobshite.

Anyway, we went back to mine and ordered Chinese, opened a few bottles of wine and had a lovely evening in the garden.