Ma found out that I had the virus, she was livid. 

• I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.
• Tell you what? (shite, I knew she’d go mad)
• You know what. You had the covid and never told me, your own mother.
• I didn’t want to worry you ma.
• I’m your mother, worrying is what mothers do.
• But this is different, thousands of people are dying. You would have thought I was dying.
• And what if you had died? What then? You’d have been carried off in a box without me even seeing you or saying goodbye.
• I wasn’t that bad ma, but you wouldn’t have believed me, you’d have been worrying for nothing.
• The covid isn’t ‘nothing’, Bernie. It’s a deadly virus that’s killed millions of people.
• See what I mean ma? You just go overboard worrying unnecessarily. I knew I wasn’t going to die.
• Oh, so you’re a doctor now, are you?
• I spoke to the doctor, I knew I’d be grand.
• Well I didn’t know you were grand. Imagine having to hear that news from strangers.
• What do you mean?
• I had to hear about my own daughter having the covid on the Whatsapp.
• From who?
• Mrs. Roche down the grove. Her grandsons girlfriends sisters cousin is friends with our Kylie, and Kylie told her. They all thought I knew. I was mortified.
• You seem more worried about the neighbours knowing I had it before you did, than you do about me actually having it.
• Don’t be ridiculous.

Wait ’til I get my hands on that Kylie one, I’ll bloody kill her…