Lockdown

Ma rang me today to ask me to do a bit of shopping for her. When I got to her house, she had a shopping list ready for me…

12 tins beans

12 tins peas

12 tins fruit cocktail

12 tins tomatoes

12 tins potatoes

12 tins carrots

12 tins soup

12 jars pasta sauce

12 packets spaghetti

12 packets pasta any shapes

12 tins hoola hoops

Large teabags (200)

4 boxes Magnums

Tray of 7up

4 sliced pans

Jelly babies (large)

Packet fig rolls

What the hell is all this for ma?

I want to stock up for the coronavirus, Bernie.

What in the name of god are you talking about ma?

The coronavirus, its on the way.

Ma, you’re not going to get the coronavirus.

How do you know? I could be put on lock down any day now.

Ma, you never leave the house anyway. You’ve been on lock down since October.

Well, anyone could bring it in with them.

Like who?

Like you.

I haven’t got the coronavirus, ma.

How do you know?

I just know ma.

Did you wash your hands when you came in?

I just got here ma, my hands are clean.

Here, use a blob of my hand sanitizer.

For gods sake ma.

…and why are you not wearing a mask?

Because it’s not Hallowe’en, ma.

Here, take one of mine.

I don’t need a face mask ma, leave it out will you.

Well if you’re not going to wear a mask, just drop the shopping at the front door when you get back, I’ll get Bernard to bring it in when he gets back from the chemist.

What’s he gone to the chemist for?

More hand sanitizer and face masks.

He’s bloody as bad as you.

Oh and get  me a few sliced pans will you? I forgot to put them on the list.

Ma, you still have half a dozen loaves in your deep freezer since the big snow of 2018, and you do have them on the list.  Look… 4 sliced pans.

You can never have too much bread, Bernie.

I give up.

That storm George is on the way too, better get me another couple of liters of milk.

It’s storm Jorge ma, and you’ve loads of milk in the fridge.

Horhay? What kind of name is that at all? Who lets all  these foreign storms and viruses in at all? Is there nothing Irish left in the country?

Guinness?

Ah sure go on, get a tray of  Guinness for me so.

You don’t even drink Guinness ma.

I heard alcohol kills the virus, so maybe get me a bottle of Jameson as well.

You don’t drink Jameson either ma.

I might be glad of it when I run out of milk, Bernie.

 

That woman really needs to get out of the house!

 

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26 thoughts on “Lockdown

  1. You’re a breath of fresh air (virus-free). I heard that theory about alcohol too. I’m testing it. There’s been no cases here yet. Maybe they’re all too boozed up in this neck of the woods. Good luck to your ma, but tell her to lay off the 7up or she’ll be down at the dentist’s and we all know how deadly medical places are for catching germs.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You crack me up. Glad to see you back! Your mom sounds like my ex-husband. My sons said he’s doing the same thing. He also gives them boxes of “survival food” every time they visit.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Not sure if you ever heard of the children’s book, “Puppies are like that” but someone needs to write one called, “Parents are like that.” 🙂 Sounds like your mom is due for a mother-daughter spa date.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Masks can’t be had in Australia and we have the demented toilet paper hoists happening so there’s none to be found in the shops…like winning the lottery if you find some. Heaven help us people are mad.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sounds horrible. I know back in the day my mom said they had to use pages out of the Sears catalogue for TP. Are we really regressing that far?? If you want/need a mask, I can see where cheesecloth with thin flannel inserts might work. Also, some essential oils fight off influenza…

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Masks can’t be had in Australia and we have the demented toilet paper hoists happening so there’s none to be found in the shops…like winning the lottery if you find some. Heaven help us people are mad.

      Liked by 2 people

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