• Are you sitting there all morning ?
• I just sat down to have a coffee is that alright?
• You were sitting there when I left this morning
• Because I was only after making your breakfast and hanging out the washing and I fancied a cup of tea and a slice of toast for me own breakfast while I watched Lorraine
• You’ve a great life all the same, cups of tea and coffee and breaks whenever you like
• I’m only after sitting down I told you
• I believe ye, thousands wouldn’t
• Believe what you like Jimmy, now excuse me, til I catch the end of Loose Women
• I wish I had time to watch Loose Women but I’ve only half an hour to get a bit of lunch
• You can’t stand Loose Women?
• I know but it beats working your arse off on a bulding site
• You’re not the only one who works you know. I’m on the go all morning
• But you’re at home all day. You’re your own boss Bernie
• Yeah, it’s great having no one looking over your shoulder alright
• You’re very touchy today
• Am I? I wonder why? Oh by the way, we had visitors earlier
• Who?
• Kim and Aggie called at nine this morning, they hoovered the hall stairs and landing while they were here
• Did they? That’s nice
• Yeah, then they cleaned out the  bathroom and the ensuite, mopped the floors, cleaned the windows, changed the duvets, emptied and refilled the dishwasher, then put on three loads of washing. I told them not to get in Alans way while they were hanging it out on the line
• Alan who?
• Titchmarsh…he was out doing a bit of weeding before planting the spring bulbs.
• Is that right?
• Yeah.Two hours he was out there. Jamie came in just as he was leaving
• Jamie who?
• Jamie Oliver. He made a lovely sheperds pie for your dinner…from scratch.
• Very nice, and did he make any dessert?
• He was going to make an apple crumble and custard but I told him not to bother
• Why?
• BECAUSE HE WAS BLEEDIN’ KNACKERED AND WANTED TO SIT DOWN FOR TWENTY MINUTES WITH A COFFEE AND WATCH LOOSE WOMEN
• Calm down Bernie. Sure can’t we open a tin of fruit and have it with some ice cream instead.
• Get out of me way Jimmy before I lose me mind. I’m missing me programme, and you’re getting on me last nerve.
• Any chance of a ham sandwich and a cuppa?
• You know where the kettle is, and there’s ham in the fridge
• Are you not going to make it for me?
• I just sat down Jimmy
• You just can’t get the staff these days …

I’ll swing for him one of these days, I swear 🙄