#Hinching #AprilAtoz

H

Whitney bought a book and a bottle of wine for me for mothers day.

  • Hinch Yourself Happy. What the fuck is this all about Whit?
  • A woman who cleans her house. I thought it would cheer you up.
  • You thought a book about housework would cheer me up?
  • Well, it’s not just about cleaning. She gives some good tips as well.
  • Here’s a cleaning tip for you love, marry a man who earns enough money to hire someone to do the cleaning.
  • You like a good book ma, I thought you’d enjoy it.
  • I’ve been cleaning up after you lot for nearly thirty years. Whitney. I’ve arthritis in me knees from scrubbing floors, me hands are like prunes from all the washing up and cleaning windows; me back is fucked from hoovering, and on Mother’s day, you seriously think I want to read about some aul one going into raptures about cleaning her oven and bleaching her jax?
  • She’s not an aul one. She’s only in her twenties.
  • Ah jaysis, she has time to wise up then.
  • I follow her on Instagram ma, she cleans in a fun way.
  • The only time housework is fun Whitney, is when you’re sitting back with a large glass of wine watching someone else do it.
  • You might be surprised ma.
  • You know what would surprise me? You actually practicing what you preach for once.
  • What do you mean  ma?
  • Well, if this Mrs. Hinch is so fabulous and housework is such fun, why don’t you do it…or are you just happy watching her on Instagram?
  • Do you not like your Mother’s day present then?
  • Ah Whitney, I’m sorry if I sound ungrateful, but when you get to my age, you don’t tend to get too giddy at the prospect of finding a new toilet cleaner; unless it’s Aggie and Kim or Mrs. Doubtfire that’s the actual cleaner.
  • I tell you what ma; you sit down there and I’ll pour you that large glass of wine. You can chill out while I hoover the stairs .
  • Now you’re talking love.
  • Happy Mother’s day ma.
  • Ah, you’re very good to your aul Mammy.Thanks very much love, cheers for the book. I’ll  have a browse through it while I’m sipping me wine.

It’s not a bad aul read all the same, I was on chapter two before I even noticed, Whitney had hung out me washing and emptied the dishwasher as well. 😊

Maybe this Mrs. Hinch one isn’t so bad after all 😉

 

 

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Loose woman

housework

 

  • Are you sitting there all morning ?
  • I just sat down to have a coffee is that alright?
  • You were sitting there when I left this morning
  • Because I was only after making your breakfast and hanging out the washing and I fancied a cup of tea and a slice of toast for me own breakfast while I watched Lorraine
  • You’ve a great life all the same, cups of tea and coffee and breaks whenever you like
  • I’m only after sitting down I told you
  • I believe ye, thousands wouldn’t
  • Believe what you like Jimmy, now excuse me, til I catch the end of Loose Women
  • I wish I had time to watch Loose Women but I’ve only half an hour to get a bit of lunch
  • You can’t stand Loose Women?
  • I know but it beats working your arse off on a bulding site
  • You’re not the only one who works you know. I’m on the go all morning
  • But you’re at home all day. You’re your own boss Bernie
  • Yeah, it’s great having no one looking over your shoulder alright
  • You’re very touchy today
  • Am I? I wonder why? Oh by the way, we had visitors earlier
  • Who?
  • Kim and Aggie called at nine this morning, they hoovered the hall stairs and landing while they were here
  • Did they? That’s nice
  • Yeah, then they cleaned out the  bathroom and the ensuite, mopped the floors, cleaned the windows, changed the duvets, emptied and refilled the dishwasher, then put on three loads of washing. I told them not to get in Alans way while they were hanging it out on the line
  • Alan who?
  • Titchmarsh…he was out doing a bit of weeding before planting the spring bulbs.
  • Is that right?
  • Yeah.Two hours he was out there. Jamie came in just as he was leaving
  • Jamie who?
  • Jamie Oliver. He made a lovely sheperds pie for your dinner…from scratch.
  • Very nice, and did he make any dessert?
  • He was going to make an apple crumble and custard but I told him not to bother
  • Why?
  • BECAUSE HE WAS BLEEDIN’ KNACKERED AND WANTED TO SIT DOWN FOR TWENTY MINUTES WITH A COFFEE AND WATCH LOOSE WOMEN
  • Calm down Bernie. Sure can’t we open a tin of fruit and have it with some ice cream instead.
  • Get out of me way Jimmy before I lose me mind. I’m missing me programme, and you’re getting on me last nerve.
  • Any chance of a ham sandwich and a cuppa?
  • You know where the kettle is, and there’s ham in the fridge
  • Are you not going to make it for me?
  • I just sat down Jimmy
  • You just can’t get the staff these days …

I’ll swing for him one of these days, I swear 🙄